


Snapshots from Night City

by greendotsandwords



Series: Greendots and Cyberpunks [1]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Building towards romance, Domestic Fluff, Emotions, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, Johnny Silverhand Being An Asshole, Johnny Silverhand can be okay, Judy and V being cute together, Major game spoilers, Post-Pyramid Song, Pre-Pyramid Song, Romance, Slow Burn, Tasteful Smut, Uncertainty, V is afraid of dying, V struggling with the Relic, build-up, inner monologue, lesbians in love, pyramid song, they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 50,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28535214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greendotsandwords/pseuds/greendotsandwords
Summary: Judy Alvarez and V have met in the City of Dreams, and their fates became intertwined through another person. They have both lost people close to them, and faced incredible difficulty. V's situation seems hopeless. But does that mean she should give up the beautiful things in life?***It started out as drabbles, but now it's growing, hopefully to provide and expand upon the interactions between Female V and Judy! Build-up to Pyramid Song now complete (starting after Pisces). I'm now moving on to how their relationship develops post-Pyramid song.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V, Judy Alvarez/V
Series: Greendots and Cyberpunks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168415
Comments: 157
Kudos: 518
Collections: Lizzie's Bar





	1. Prompt drabbles - warm up

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Contains spoilers for the entirety of Cyberpunk 2077. If you haven't finished the game, I can't take responsibility for you spoiling it for yourself by reading this. CP 2077 belongs to CD Projekt Red. I just felt inspired by their monumental work.
> 
> I take certain creative liberties in this story, such as there being possibly more time between events, or things happening between in-game quests and some things needing more time / not happening at once. Some dialogues might not be 100% like in the game, I really don't have the time to replay it all :3  
> Feedback and constructive criticism are more than welcome. 
> 
> Author's Note: I sometimes use a website that gives you three random words to warm up for writing sometimes. I decided to write a few drabbles related to FemV and Judy, before the quest Pyramid Song takes place.

Set after 'Both Sides, Now' 

The message from Judy almost made me choke on my Nicola Blue. 'Buried Ev today,' it said. On one hand, I understood why she hadn't told me about it. One the other, I had hoped she would at least let me know before it happened. It stung a bit, but it wasn't the time to let her know how I felt. All I could do is send a few words of support her way. Nothing supportive enough came to mind, so instead I decided to think about the living and replied with a simple question.

V:[How do you feel?]

Judy:[I intend to get thoroughly shitfaced today.]

I knew I shouldn't have, but I smiled. At least, in her own way, she was trying to cope. And even though we were still kinda strangers, connected by tragedy, knowing that she didn't just close off and decided to be open about her pain... somehow I felt comforted. For a moment I wondered. Was that an invitation? No... She would have asked, otherwise. It was a shame I couldn't at least hug her over the holo somehow...

Johnny appeared in my view, his arms crossed on his chest.

“Don't go there, V. I need you focused if we're going to do this,” he began to pace from left to right, in a way that was oddly skittish, even for him.

“What makes you think I'm not?” I asked, shrugging off his attempt to boss me around.

“The girl. Should be looking for a way to get this thing out of your head, instead of getting all mushy. Ugh, keep it up and I'm gonna get sick.”

“She's buried Evelyn today. It must have cost her a lot to keep it together. And she texted me. That means something,” I decided that his opinion did not matter that much. Besides... mushy? Me?

“This is what I'm talking about. You're thinking about how she's doing while it's your bomb that's ticking down, and fast,” he reminded me, as if I didn't know.

I couldn't help but think about that damned BD recording facility where we found Ev. First time I went there was through the eyes of someone who was about to be killed. Second time, to find Evelyn there, comatose, unresponsive. And Judy was there with me, both times. Maybe Johnny was right, in his own way. She was much stronger than I thought. A Mox, after all. I shouldn't worry about her. I threw the empty can away, checked the mag in my gun and moved on to the next gig.

\---------

Set at the end of Pisces - when talking to Judy after dealing with Maiko, non lethally.

Things did not go according to plan. I was used to that. Being able to improvise was just as important as being a good shot in Night City. Maiko tried a classic double-cross, so I put her to sleep, to think about her life choices. Maybe if she woke up to the stench of the rotting Tyger Claws, she'd stop having such stupid ideas.

“You know, V. One of the reasons I respect you so much is because you understand the value of loyalty. We did all this because you stuck to my plan, without trying to tell me what to do or change me. You were there for me, for all of us in this,” Judy spoke finally. I imagined she was processing it all.

I nodded and looked at her, offering a smile. I was leaning against the railing with my elbows, with my back to it, she was looking out at the city, “Really, the least I could do,” I shrugged finally, not wanting there to be too much silence between us.

She moved away from the railing and walked up to me. She took off my sunglasses, revealing my phantom-like Kiroshi implants, bright, almost completely white, synthetic irises. I averted my gaze, not wanting to startle her. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. In all this chaos and filth that was Night City, Judy had this alluring scent to her. I don't know if she put on some kind of perfume for the occasion, or was that just some sort of body lotion she used... but she smelled like fruit. Sweet and fresh, like some of those rare treats you could sometimes get at a market. It was intoxicating. “Thanks, V. I'll see you around,” she said as if nothing happened and turned around to leave, “See you, Judy,” I called out and waved at her, even though she couldn't see me any more. Maybe it was a good thing, too. I felt as if my entire face was on fire, just from that one moment of closeness.


	2. A sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V finds herself near Judy's place and her thoughts drift towards her favourite BD technician as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by a song, at least for the beginning of this chapter. The song is by Sub-Radio - Clark Kent

Sleepover

[Set between 'Pisces' and 'Pyramid Song']

Ever since I met Judy, and somehow started coming over to her place for different reasons, mostly about Ev or Clouds, I couldn't help but pay more attention to the building on Charter Street I'd pass while doing this gig or the other. I admit, I've even missed a turn a few times, only because I kept wondering whether Judy was feeling okay.

For me, all these things were pretty normal. Weapons, violence, death, or at least seeing people rolling on the floor in agony after suffering from a stealthily applied combat hack. But for her... She could have known these things from BDs or virtus for sure, and maybe I was wrong, but it was always different in reality. You couldn't edit out smells, emotions, certain details that stay with you until your last day... Or what you thought was your last anyway.

That night, I found myself outside the building she lived in, staring at the steering wheel of my Quadra as I considered options. I killed both the engine and the lights, as if that would make me any less visible in the street lights. Calling her would be bold, it was getting late, though it wasn't completely dark yet. So may be a text. She could reply, but she didn't have to. Yes, a text would be just fine. I was about to type out the message when my guardian angel decided to... chip in.

“I know you've just made that joke in your head, and if I could, I'd punch you right now. Only staying my hand because your head needs to keep the Relic safe,” he groaned, shielding his eyes from the world, as if the aviator sunglasses weren't enough.

“I couldn't help it. Thought you'd appreciate the influence your music has on me,” I shrugged.

“Not why I'm here. You're being a fucking gonk again. Just go up there, have a drink with her, and settle this once and for all. All it takes is one look at you two, any anyone with a pair of eyes will know you're both denying the attraction,” he looked at me, raising his brows.

“I really... come on, Johnny, wouldn't you have helped her in a time of need?” I asked, frowning at him before I let my forehead rest against the wheel. I remembered the moment Judy kissed me on the cheek. I wouldn't mind if that happened again, for sure but... that didn't exactly mean that we had to become outputs or anything...

“Right, help in a time of need. Like that's the only thing motivating you. That's exactly why you're in this spot, no coincidence,” sometimes I wondered if sarcasm and irony were Johnny's only modes of communication. Asshole.

“Listen, V. It's obvious. Ev was trouble. Clouds chick was trouble. You fit the bill when it comes to her type, face it. And a poor type it is,” he shrugged. Did he just compare me to Maiko? It would be so easy to just remind him about Alt. Strike where it hurt with cruelty and precision. But should I really stoop down to his level in a moment like that?

“Get it over with, V. It'll clear your mind. A good lay always does, so here's hoping,” he glanced in the direction of Judy's building, then disappeared from view.

I took a moment to calm down. I didn't want the anger directed at him to show in the message. Wasn't exactly like me to walk on eggshells around anyone... but Judy. Something about her made me want to give her my jacket, hold her close, and just make sure no harm or trouble would come her way. Ever again.

I sighed and sat back in my seat, then decided to get out of the car and lean against the rail, looking out to the glorious, always clean and colourful corpo hell of the Night City downtown. Large company logos floated, projected in front of skyscrapers, as if anyone here needed reminding who was actually calling the shots in this town... or any other, for that matter.  
I combed through my hair and rubbed my temple while trying to compose a message in my head. Hell, even negotiating with the psychos from Maelstrom seemed easier than this. Sure, it made me nervous too, but not in this way. Not making me afraid I might do something I'll never recover from.

V: [Hey Jude. You still up?]

Fuck. I made that sound drier than the Badlands. Fuck, now she's going to think I hate her.

Judy: [Sure,whats up? Something happen?]

V: [Nah, just. Got some time between gigs. Wanted to say hi.]

Judy: [hi!]

Judy: [omg you're such a gonk]

She wasn't wrong... I was being a complete and utter gonk. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Judy: [Now what is really up?]

V: [Was wondering if you got a minute]

Judy: [For you, always. Wanna call?]

V: [I'm actually near your place. Maybe we could... go on a walk or something.]

Judy: [Lmao and get shot? Nah thanks. Where you at exactly?]

Welp, she had me there.

V: [Look outside your window]

I turned around so she could see my face. Her window opened and she scanned the area before noticing me, beaming a wide smile before shaking her head. I waved and smiled back at her, and when my optics zoomed in, I could see she was briefly nibbling on her lip when sending a message to me.

Judy: [Came all this way for little ol me and I didn't even have to bait you with pizza? Fine, be right there.]

I let out a heavy sigh and rested my forehead against the cold metal pipe of the rail, closing my eyes as I shielded my face from the world. Smooth, V. Now she's going to think you're stalking her or something. Or worse, that you're desperate to see her. It was a good thing she didn't know how many times I wanted to call her but actually decided that perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea. I wasn't alone with my thoughts for very long, thankfully.

“V, are you okay?” I could hear concern in her voice, “Something wrong with the Relic?” I must have looked pained from her perspective, so I quickly straightened up and smiled at her. Probably looked goofy instead.

“I'm okay,” I said, nodding a few times. And now that she was here and we were talking, it was pretty much how I felt, for some odd and mysterious reason.

She leaned against the rail with her back, crossing her arms on her chest as she looked at me carefully, her hair covering her face partially, “Alright. If you're sure. Didn't look like that for a moment there,” she said with a shrug.

“I was just wondering how you were. Lotta things happened recently. Big things, too.”

“I know. It's fine. All we gotta do now is wait and see how it goes with Clouds. Like you said, we did what we could, right?” she smiled meekly, almost as if she had trouble believing that herself.

“Yeah. And if anything comes up, I'm here,” I assured her.

“Kinda surprised to see you around. Did you run out of gigs or something? Or are you such hot stuff now that Night City can't afford to hire you any more?” she was joking, obviously, and even though she didn't mean it that way, being called hot stuff made my eyebrows hike up when she said it, “Come on, V, I've seen you work, even if it wasn't strictly work-work. You're damn good at that stuff,” she added, seeing my confused expression.

“Nothing work related, no,” I shook my head and looked at the ground, “I just really wanted to check up on you.”

“I'm a big girl, V. I'm fine, really. Though it's kinda sweet of you. Didja miss me or something?” she raised her brows, smiling as she asked that question. I could sense a bit of disbelief in there, she could just easily turn it into a joke.

I raised my hand and measured out a small space between my thumb and index finger, “Yeah, maybe a little. I'm a big girl too, y'know,” I quipped, deciding that it would be awfully stupid to just open up like that. Pretty much the same as walking out of cover with a pistol and a counterfeit armadillo in your t-shirt, when you've got a dozen Tyger Claws priming their smarts on your head.

“Just a little? You came all the way out here just to tell me you missed me a little? Don't bullshit me, V,” she frowned briefly and turned around to face the center of the city, then groaned and looked down. This place was getting to her.

“Fine. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe... come over. Crash at my place. So much has happened at yours recently... At least the view's a bit different,” I shrugged. Here it was, like playing a round of emotional Russian roulette.

She looked at me without saying a word first, then tilted her head to the side, squinting in suspicion, as if to check whether I was being serious. I could see the goosebumps on her skin. She was cold. I didn't want to be too bold, but keeping her out while the temp was dropping was not a good idea.

“We could grab some noodles from the stand downstairs, watch a movie, I dunno,” my offer was genuine, and I wanted her to be aware of that. I smiled, not knowing what else I could offer.

“Okay,” she said, “Yeah, fine. Should I go grab my van?” she glanced towards her building. I smiled and shook my head, “No need to. Got my ride right here,” I walked up to the Quadra and patted the hood. Judy raised her brows.

“You're not trying to impress me with chrome on wheels, are you?” she smirked, shaking her head, “Because that's not gonna work.”

“No, it's just how I roll,” I quipped, making her chuckle. And it was lovely to hear her laugh. I couldn't help but smile and I gestured for her to take the passenger's seat, “It's how the fixers know whether they can afford me or not,” I grinned.

“Smart, saves them the sweat of negotiating too hard. Am I the only one with a friends and family discount, then?” she got into the car and buckled up, shooting me one of those half-smiles of hers. I was glad we weren't in a Delamain, because I was pretty sure he'd recite some warning about how my blood pressure level was above the norm.

“My pad's in H10, hope you don't mind,” I started the engine and began driving back to my place. Despite the temptation to show off the Quadra's capabilities, I kept to the limits and watched the lights. Mostly. Even with the evening rush only starting to die down, it wasn't going to take long to get from Northside to Little China.

“Mentioned something about noodles?” Judy said, breaking the silence between us. Considering that whenever we met we mostly talked about what had to be done for a gig, or about generally unpleasant things, just having a conversation seemed like a challenge.

“Yeah, there's a stall near the stairs, on one side of the building. They got a few sauces to choose from, decent synth-sirloin, nothing too spicy. We could get a take out, it you want?” I offered, trying not to let the image of Jackie enjoying his box of noodles haunt me. We sat there before I went to talk to Dex... Jackie was so full of hopes and dreams about the big leagues and what not.

“Sounds good, I'm in,” Judy replied, pulling my out of the spiral of painful memories before I could crash into something or someone, “Besides, less risk of burning my mouth,” she chuckled, “Unlike with that locust pepperoni and double cheese.”

“You gotta say, the crunch is nice though,” I smiled, welcoming the distraction.

“I'm not that great with chopsticks. And I'm gonna slurp, be warned,” Judy warned, “And many people tried teaching me. For some reason my coordination is just all gonked.”

“Fine by me, I can try eating my noodles with a spoon if that makes you feel any better,” I quipped.

“You can try, but I don't think I want to hear you whine when you go to sleep all hungry after doing that.”

“Good point, good point. I might stick to chopsticks or a fork, then,” I settled. We were almost at the garage, but I decided we should get out of the car at the stand and get food. I sent the vehicle to the garage and gestured for Judy to pick her food and drink, “Go ham. My treat,” I grinned. As if noodles were anything to splash eddies on.

“Wow, V. Look at you, going all bougie,” Judy nudged me playfully with her elbow. The cook took our orders and we waited for the food to get prepared and packaged. I took the noodles, she took the drinks, and we headed into the elevator. It was filthy as usual, and the stale scents clinging to it were anything but appealing, hopefully, Judy was enough of a Night City girl to ignore it and not let that ruin her appetite. I realised that all this worrying and trying to figure out the best way to talk to her had made me hungry as well. I felt oddly relieved when we arrived at my apartment. Judy's never been here before, but her presence made it... much more homely, for some reason.

I barely had the time to set the food down on the table when Nibbles made his way to us, shamelessly rubbing against Judy's ankle and meowing, like the little attention doll he was.

“V... Why didn't you tell me?” she gave me an almost accusatory glare, freezing in her spot. She held out the cans of Nicola Blue and Naranjita. I looked at the can for a moment, and realized that the ad said 'Feel the chemistry'. Was she trying to tell me something? Or was it just the drink of her choice? I glanced at Judy and wanted to reply but I saw her sitting on the floor, petting Nibbles and giving him scratchies that he obviously did not deserve while he settled himself in Judy's lap, as if he belonged there from the get go.

“Judy, this is Nibbles. Nibbles, Judy,” I introduced them formally, then put the drinks on the living room table, “Found a shard in a dumpster some time ago, something about feeding the cat. So I found some kibble, put it in a bowl... and, long story short, here we are,” I gestured, sitting on the edge of my sofa. There was something awfully cute about watching Judy interact with the animal. My plan for distracting her from another night alone in her apartment must have worked, even if it was mostly thanks to Nibbles, or so it seemed.

“Awww, the big bad merc V went dumpster divin' and she found a call for help from a poor, poor kitty... and now kitty has the best kibble, doesn't he? Yeah, Nibbles, you're a good kitty!” Her rehashing of my story was the only sign that she was still somewhat listening and not completely distracted. Nibbles decided that it was enough affection and unceremoniously leapt away from Judy's lap and made his way to the table, looking between the two boxes of noodles, still steaming.

“Well, I think that means feed me in cat,” I smirked and stood up, offering Judy a hand up. She took it, and for a moment we were mere inches from each other, the fingers in one hand laced. Her fruity scent hit my nose again and I had to swallow a lump in my throat because I remembered the moment when she kissed me on the cheek.

I could hear a slight trembling in her breath, she briefly brushed her thumb against mine and I could see her begin to slowly look up. We still stood close, neither of us said a thing, but it didn't seem like we were keen on really moving away from each other. We were alone, not hurried by anything for a change. I could see Judy furtively wet her lips, as if she was about to say something. She looked up and I knew our gazes were going to lock any moment, but then she squinted and frowned, looking past me as she moved towards the table, letting go of my hand, “Nibbles, no!” she warned the cat, as he began to claw against the noodle box, almost toppling it over.

I stood there for a moment, slowly moving back to reality. I could feel my own heart pounding in my chest, the beat thundering in my ears, I was sure I looked like an utter loser, “Sorry about him,” I said quietly and picked up Nibbles from the table to set him in his makeshift basket-turned-cat-bed. I put a blanket on him for good measure and frowned. Bad cat. Had to ruin a moment, didn't you?

“Please, make yourself at home, grab a drink. Pick something we could watch, okay?” I turned around and smiled at Judy, she sat on the sofa with her legs curled up and nodded at me, “I'll find you a fork,” I said, seeing as only chopsticks were included with our food.

I took a quick detour to the bathroom to pop one of the blockers I got from Vik and Misty. I didn't need more Silverhand preaching that night, and especially if he was going to join forces with Nibbles. I found a fork and gave it a thorough wash. Wouldn't want Judy thinking I was some sort of a pig, I just rarely had the time to eat at home, so the occasion truly was a treat.

“Here you go,” I handed Judy the fork and sat down next to her. Well, not entirely next to her, around half an arm's length. We both needed space to eat comfortably, after all.

“Didn't open your box, in case Nibbles wanted a bite,” Judy said, chewing on a piece of synth-sirloin she already picked out with her fingers.

I smiled and took my box. Unsurprisingly, Judy found one of the later Bushidō movies and put it on, “Not as good as the original trilogy, I know, but still decent” I shrugged. I really shouldn't have snooped through her things that one time, but I couldn't help myself, I wanted to learn more about her. Besides, she left me some breakfast that day and it was nova levels of sweet...

“Don't sweat it, V, this is really nice. I appreciate it,” she looked at me and smiled. I was busy trying to handle a mouthful of noodles, so I just gave her a thumbs up in response and turned my attention to the screen again. Not that I really had to, I've seen that part plenty of times, and in various stages of being drunk or high. Or both, but never like this. Watching it with Judy was a completely different experience.

She was so excited, telling me about the angles, the cinematography, how certain scenes were made or edited... or even made possible, without hurting the ganic actors on set. All in one breath, while she went through her noodles rather quickly. Made me wonder just how rough the last couple of weeks had been on her. I was glad that she was enjoying herself, and that I was a part of her evening. I could see her mouth the dialogue, she must have known it all by heart, however cheesy it was. Honestly, it was nothing but adorable. She caught me smiling at her a few times, and I could see this kind of cute sheepishness when she smiled back, “Am I being a gonk? Tell me if I'm overdoing it,” she said.

“Oh no, keep going. Never looked at this movie this way, so you do your thing, I'm all ears,” I reassured and nodded. Besides, it was the truth. And yet, the movie ended way too quickly. I didn't want it to stop, I just wanted to listen to Judy being all excited and geeky, and see her light up, throwing camera terms left and right. Again, the closing credits reminded me that all things eventually came to an end. What a morbid thought. I put on some other channel, there was a documentary about some forest reservation, kept in special conditions from dying and withering, somewhere in Eurasia. Sponsored by Biotechnica, of course.

It wasn't nearly half as interesting as the movie, and I could feel that we were both running out of energy for the night. Judy was determined to stay up, though.

“Want another drink?” I offered. 

She nodded, zoning off as she sat with her legs curled up and her chin resting on her knee, staring at the distant forest from the documentary, “Sure, just no caffeine, otherwise I'm gonna stay up all night,” she replied, absent-mindedly.

The NCVM in my apartment decided to give out for the night, “Ah, shit, mine's not working, let me quickly grab something from downstairs,” I said and left the apartment, making my way to the nearest working vending machine as quickly as I could. Felt stupid enough leaving Judy alone when I was the one who invited her over.

I didn't see her at first when I came back, “Jude?” I called out, walking up to the sofa. There she was, ms 'No Caffeine', asleep on my sofa, curled up, with Nibbles watching over her from his perch on the backrest. He squinted at me and mewled, as if to tell me to do something. What was I supposed to do? I set the drinks down quietly and, as carefully as possible, picked up Judy to carry her to bed. My sofa wasn't as comfortable as hers, for sure, and she needed some quality sleep on a bed that didn't remind her of Evelyn for a change. 

I didn't want to stare at her, but I couldn't help but admire how calm she was. How unburdened. Once I placed her on the bed, she turned to the side, mumbling what sounded like, “G'night, V.”

I smiled and put a blanket over her, making her a little bit more comfortable. “Good night, Judy. Sweet dreams,” I whispered and went to sit down on the sofa, letting out a heavy sigh. I didn't want to open a drink and wake her up. Nibbles was already exploring the inside of a noodle box, licking whatever leftover sauce he could find. The filthy bastard would probably sleep in it later, for all I knew.

I decided to lie down, try to find sleep as well. I didn't even know when it took me. The next thing I remembered was the scent of fruit and a soft touch to my cheek. Perhaps I was dreaming. For some reason, I thought of Judy, but the aches from my previous gig decided that I had to be pulled back into deep sleep.

When I finally woke up, it was too damn late, and I was way too disoriented. Judy had left, I didn't even get to make her breakfast. I had some messages from her.

Judy: [Hey, V. I had a really good time last nite.]  
Judy: [It just felt so normal, u know? I wanna do something nice for you in return. Gotta think of a thing that tops Bushidō and noodles, tho.]  
Judy: [Hope to see you soon! Don't be a stranger.]  
Judy: [U look cute when you sleep. Swear I'm not a creep]

I kept rereading the messages, smiling to myself. That woman was a treasure. A priceless heart and a good soul. Maybe the last of her kind in this fucked up city. I groaned and stood up, stretching. Bones cracked, rotors whirred, in the otherwise silent room, only I could hear how much of a human being I still was before the din of the city masked it for me. It was too early for such musings, I realized, and headed into the shower. I almost didn't notice, but Judy drew a small heart on the mirror with a lipstick. One more proof of how adorable she was.

I later discovered, that it was an attempt to cover her obvious guilt. One of my t-shirts went missing that morning. The one with a Bushidō print.


	3. Delicate weapon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V is feeling the weight on the world on her shoulders. She decides to get a drink or eleven, and the nearest bar is Lizzie's.
> 
> Warning: depicts the use of alcohol and possible alterations of a person's mental/emotional state that come with it. V gets silly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Musical inspiration: Grimes – Delicate Weapon – the lyrics used in this story belong to Grimes and their respective creators, of course.  
> Thank you for making such wonderful music, Grimes!

Delicate Weapon

[Set after Sleepover, before Pyramid Song]

It was one of those nights where my car felt like a coffin, and everything that had happened to me recently hit me in a more painful way than any bullet or blow. I felt alone in this monster of a city. I missed Jackie. My big choom with a heart of gold, the best Valentino boy on his block, for sure. He wasn't meant to die that way in that stupid fucking heist.

If there was anyone in Night City that deserved to be in the big leagues, anyone with a decent sense on how to survive in the streets but also enough decency not to be a complete asshole, it was him. And because of what happened at Konpeki Plaza, he was no longer around. He was dead and sent off, maybe to a better world, fuck if I knew anything about that. I was gonna find out soon, anyway.

I wanted a drink, and I needed one fast. Life's cruel irony decided that Lizzie's was the closest bar to my current location. It was where I saw the inside of Yorinobu's damn penthouse for the first time, thinking I was gonna get rich. It was where I met Evelyn Parker... and Judy. The latter has proven to be the brightest part of that memory so far. And alive, which was a lucky coincidence, considering how much time we spent together and the fates of the other people I met on my way. As I started to list the lost in my mind, it felt like the vehicle was shrinking around me even more, becoming a very uncomfortable coffin.

I turned around from my route and decided to head to Lizzie's. Even if the lights, the smell, everything about it reminded me of things... There was probably enough alcohol at that bar to make me forget. The gigs could wait. Johnny fucking Silverhand could wait. For once, one night in this hellhole of a city, I could just do something that didn't have to do with a boss, a fixer, a deadline, or maiming someone. I was dying anyway, what the hell did I care for a hangover?

I parked my car around the corner and made my way to the door. Rita must have seen the weight and determination in my steps because she lifted her hand and tilted her head to the side at me.

“Whoah, whoah... you're bringing a lot of attitude in, V. We gonna have trouble?” she asked, chewing loudly on her bubble gum as she rested her baseball back behind her neck and squinted at me. The chick leaning against the wall who stood behind Rita straightened up and began feeling around for a holster hidden under her jacket.

“No,” I said, my voice more tired than I realised, almost cracking, “No, I just want a drink. Rita. Please, don't make this difficult, kay?” I asked, looking up at her, my jaw clenched.

“Yeah, I can see that. But if you start punching people, I'm throwing you out. With a taxi home, cause shit, girl, you look like you're about to hurt someone. Or yourself, I dunno. You sure you gonna be alright in there?” it was odd. Instead of banter, the usual light-hearted exchange between us, I could hear concern in her voice. Wasn't usually a thing you could expect from a bouncer... but then again, these were the Moxes, and I think considering all the things that happened with Judy and Evelyn, I think she kinda understood.

I closed my eyes and exhaled, I could feel my shoulders slump as I nodded, “Yeah. I'll behave. And if I don't, just... treat me like any other gonk,” my reply sounded like I was already dead and buried, and I hated myself for even letting anyone see me like that.

“Jeez, V. Come on in. Mateo will set you up with some hard stuff,” Rita finally said and moved to the side so I could enter.

“Oh, and by the way...” the other Mox piped up, to which Rita held up one shushing finger and shot her a glare, as if she was about to spill a secret.

“... Thanks for helping the gals at Clouds...?” the other Mox stammered, though something told me that wasn't what she had been meaning to say.

“Sure,” I nodded and headed inside. I just wanted to block out my thoughts. I needed music that was too loud, liquid that burned my throat too much, and a flurry of lights and colours that made me wonder where the fuck I was. The whole package.

I headed into the main room, I didn't need another Mox telling me how horrible I looked. I probably still had a split lip from that one Animal that punched me, and bruises blooming up on my cheek, but I didn't care. Regina had wanted me to retrieve a databank, some kind of collection of recordings of illegal fights organised by the Animals. Psyched up people that... were really straddling the line between human, borg, and beast. Like that Sasquatch in Pacifica. I could feel my spinal implant hurt just from the thought of that one hammer hit she managed to land when I was there, some time ago. No. Not tonight. No work, no gigs.

It was really busy, to the point where you could say that the place was crowded. The tables were full, so was the dance floor. I didn't feel like joining the writhing, twisting mass of bodies that seemed to had its own pulse and mind just yet. I was definitely too sober for that. But knowing I could get lost there at any moment gave me a glimmer of hope about how the evening was going to go.

It took me a few moments to squeeze through the crowd. They seemed to be collectively hypnotized by the heavy beat that was making the entire building shake. My bruised mug must have been in a pretty sorry state. When I arrived at the bar, a few people took their drinks and left, eyeing me with their noses wrinkled with disgust.

“Fucking tourists, acting like they've never seen a merc,” I groaned, earning a nod from Mateo.

“Rough night,” he stated, then hesitated for a moment, “Centzon, or something stronger?”

“Tequila's pretty strong already, isn't it?” I asked, oddly amused by his question. I moved my head from side to side, pretending to stretch my neck, like fighters do before a match, “Give me your strongest stuff, I was gonna look into liver implants anyway,” here it was, the smirking, sarcastic side of me, that so many people found charming. He nodded and moved to retrieve the bottle, so I guess my mask worked.

For a moment, my thoughts took a morbid turn again. If I drank enough, would it poison my system and cause a critical malfunction of the Relic? That would be hilarious. Or at least it seemed extremely funny to me at that moment. Mateo filled my glass with something that smelled like... rum-flavoured rocket fuel. That would have to do.

“Leave the bottle,” I nodded at him but he shook his head and gestured at my tumbler.

“I don't think so. Drink up first and we'll see if you can handle it,” he tapped the bar in genuine interest and anticipation. How many desperate people before me have lost to this bottle? How many have won, to have their names etched into the Hall of Fame at Lizzie's? I spent a moment looking at the dark spirit before raising the glass at Mateo. I was going to die anyway. Would dying to rocket fuel count as a sacrifice for science? Ah, fuck it.

It began to burn as I downed it. Oh, that … liquid, it burned. My eyes teared up as I swallowed the shot. The fire that spread through my mouth, throat, and down my gullet, was soothing. Almost as if it was trying to remind me that I still had some life in me. I put the glass back on the counter with enough momentum to startle Mateo.

He watched me in tense silence for a moment before asking, “You alright, V? Can you still hear me?”  
Poor choom. The shit I've been through. The things I've felt, seen, remembered... If Dexter DeShawn's bullet didn't keep me down, this would? No, this first shot alone was for Jackie Welles, a Night City legend.

“Keep'em coming, Mateo. Advance payment for the bottle coming your way,” I said as my Kiroshis lit up electric blue for a moment.

“Jeez V, it's your funeral,” he raised both hands and pushed the bottle closer to me to refill my glass.

“I wish,” I muttered, didn't really care if he heard me or not. I downed another glass without hesitation. This time I could feel my nails scrape against the bar as I instinctively sought something to grip while the alcohol made my face twist into all five stages of grief. Thankfully, not all at the same time. I'm sorry, Jackie. I'm sorry, Evelyn...

The more of that magical nectar of black sorcery I felt coursing through me, the more relieved I felt. It was almost as if it contained the essence of their forgiveness.

“So, I gotta ask. What's going on?” Mateo leaned against the bar to have a better chance to hear me properly. The momentary lull in clientele gave him a chance to snoop.

“They don't pay you enough for that, trust me,” I chuckled and shook my head.

“Was just trying to lend an ear. You could use a vacation,” I guess it was his way of trying to be nice about my face and the general state of me.

“Yeah, maybe at some point soon,” gotta write my last will first. Gallows humor stuck to me like bad shit to a good shoe, “Need to stay in the city for now.”

He nodded but kept on trying, “Trouble with your missus?”

My brows shot up and I downed my third glass of rum-fuel. He smirked at my reaction, as if he was sure he was onto something. I was about to demand an explanation but he just shrugged.

“You tell me, V. People have been talking...”

“Talking shit, you mean,” I scoffed, “I don't have an output.”

“Is that so? I mean... you tell me,” he shrugged again and looked somewhere over my shoulder, squinting. He slowly raised his chin, like someone trying to assess a potentially sticky situation. Something about the way he said those words made me follow his gaze.

At the doorway leading to the more private part of Lizzie's was a pair of dudes, practically blocking the path, even though they seemed to be just casually leaning. Someone was trying to get past them. Someone shorter and not as well-built and muscular as them. The blue light filling the large room flickered, and I saw caught a glance of green and pink hair, along with an implant on the left temple, where the hair was shaved. 

Judy... Before I knew it, I was pushing my way through the dancing crowd to that doorway. The closer I got, even with the waves of ravers trying to push me back, the better I could see that Judy did not look even remotely amused. She looked uncomfortable, and more and more impatient with every second. When she noticed me, she gasped and covered her mouth in shock. Fuck. I forgot about my face that was in at least a dozen of shades of bruised.

The sudden change in her expression made one of the gonks turn around, just in time to face me.

“Problem? I asked, sniffing as I wrinkled my nose. My rocket-breath made tears well up in his eyes. He blinked a few times and lifted his brows before he composed himself enough to answer.

“None of yours, choomba,” he shot me a sly grin, “Walk away and we all stay friends, yeah?” Oh that gonk was far from qualifying for my list of chooms. And he knew it would make me react, so I didn't give them the satisfaction.

“V, what happened?” Judy looked at me, she seemed horrified for some reason. I could swear, it was just one punch. She was being so cute. I smiled at her. I wasn't drunk, no.

“Shit... you're V? The V?” the other guy, younger and with shaggy blue hair turned around. He eyed me up and down in disbelief. I glanced at him but didn't reply. I looked back at Judy. Her opinion mattered here, “You okay, Jude?” she shrugged and looked away. She wasn't.

“I ain't going home without this cutie tonight, I don't care who this is...” the first guy, bald, with a grey goatee, and a tattoo of an eye on his forehead, didn't seem to relent.

“Then I guess you're gonna end up sleeping here. Good luck,” I shrugged, exhaling through my nostrils.

“Dude, I'm not getting mixed up in this...” the blue-haired guy raised his hands apologetically at me before he left. Judy took that opportunity and kicked the tattooed gonk in the ankle, making him jump in place on one leg and stumble enough to make way for her. I burst out laughing into his face as Judy walked past me and disappeared into the crowd. I turned around to follow her and saw a Mox sporting a hot pink crowbar approach the guy.

“You done being funny with one of ours? Scram,” she glared at him and nodded at the exit. Who said violence was the only answer? For some mysterious reason, I found that entire exchange stupid and funny at the same time. I dove into the crowd again to go back to my bottle. There wasn't much chance of finding Judy among the ravers. To my surprise, she was sitting at the bar. Conveniently close to my bottle. I joined her but she didn't look at me, she frowned.

“What did you do?” she asked. It sounded like an accusation.

“I saw you and those gonks. Thought I'd say hi,” I replied. I wasn't lying.

“V, for fuck's sake. What happened to you? You look like you ran into MaxTac but somehow lived to tell the tale,” she groaned and hid her face in her hands. Mateo gingerly filled her glass with something that looked... like tequila? Or maybe vodka? Hmm... I thought Judy was more of a tequila girl, to be honest.

“V!?” she turned to look at me, concerned, pained. She looked hurt. The expression was like a punch to the gut. I opened my mouth but couldn't find words for a moment.

“Judy... I'm sorry. I just... was a gig, I got punched, it's nothing serious, I swear,” I sighed and looked down so that my hair could cover my face at least partly, “I didn't mean to worry you.”

“Nothing serious my ass, show me, let me have a look at you,” she muttered and I could feel her hand cup my chin and cheek, urging me to look at her and show her my bruised mug. Her hand felt so soft and warm. As much as I shouldn't and as much as it felt completely inappropriate, I leaned into it. And I immediately regretted doing so. I wrinkled my nose, hissing in pain. Gotta watch how much pressure is put on my face. Should have paid attention before I got punched... She moved her hand away, gave my palm a quick squeeze, and went back to leaning against the bar.

“Oh, V...” she was concerned, but at least her frown softened into a less angry expression.

“In my defense, I gave her out best analgesic,” Mateo piped up, “Before you ask, big nope, Jude. Just don't.”

“I'm not a fucking masochist like some people here, Mateo, I'll stick to my usual,” Judy sighed and looked at me. I felt scolded, somehow. I've never felt that scolded, even under Mama Welles' careful eye when I lived with them before getting my pad at H10.

“Why did you come here tonight, V?” Judy turned to look at me again. I could tell it wasn't the easiest for her to see me like that.

“To get shitfaced,” I replied, as close to the truth as I could, “I wanted to forget. Just for a night,” I added, shielding my eyes with one palm, holding my glass with the other.

“To forget... I see,” she nodded, pursing her lips. For some reason, she didn't like my answer.

“I didn't know you were working tonight, I didn't want to---”

“I'm not working. Not tonight,” she butted in, “I'm not here to forget. I'm here to remember. It's a month tonight. A month since I've found her, V...”

I squinted, trying to do some quick calendar, rocket-fuel-propelled maths. Fuck. Evelyn took her own life exactly one month before. I closed my eyes. I was being stupid. If anything, I should have given Lizzie's a wide berth. This was bad.

“And I'm reminding you? That it?” I asked, trying to pinpoint my fault in all of this, at least in this moment.

“Everything's reminding me. This fucking place's reminding me,” Judy combed through her hair and stared into her glass, then quickly downed it, shooting Mateo a look he knew well, so he wouldn't delay refilling her drink.

“That doesn't make sense,” I shook my head, “Why come here if that's how it makes you feel?”

“Don't ask me. Felt right, somehow. In some sick way,” she sighed, raising her hand to gesture she had no clue either, “Fuck, do you always do things that make sense?”

I gave her a tired look. I guess she accepted it as my answer. A part of me wanted to make some kind of a stupid joke. Tell her I was here shadowing a wanted netrunner for a big, fat bounty. But that wasn't the time.

“I wanted to hide from the city. At least for a bit,” I admitted, “Raise a glass to Jackie. To Evelyn. All those people...”

“Who's Jackie?” Judy asked, genuinely curious after I mentioned the name.

I let out a heavy sigh. Oh boy, there goes forgetting. Judy raised her brows.

“I'm gonna need another drink,” I said and poured myself some more of that magical rum. Judy already had her glass handy.

“Jackie Welles... Where do I begin. What he is now is a Night City legend. But when I met him, he was a Valentino gangoon with big dreams and even bigger shoulders. And something of a heart of gold. He was sweet on a girl that has a shop in front of my ripperdoc's clinic, you know, Vik's,” I began explaining. I told her everything. All the jobs we did, how I didn't trust him at all, but how he practically made me his half-sister and gave me a place to stay... About his mother, about his garage, his pet shark Taco... I could see her struggle to understand me at some points, maybe it was the rum. But she listened, curious and attentive, staring at me with those hazel eyes. I didn't even know how much time has passed, but when I got to the part about Arasaka... and later the part she knew, she reached out for my hand and gave it another squeeze. Her anger and frown were completely gone. 

“I'm sorry, V. I was being selfish... I had no idea,” she looked down and zoned off for a moment, watching the crowd.

“Hey, it's okay,” I looked at our laced fingers and smiled softly. She her hand felt very nice in mine. I could get used to that. But she was just being nice. Just showing support. I mean, my best friend fucking died, and I was drunk, telling everything about him to Judy. Be weird if she was, I dunno, laughing instead. I was starting to suspect the rum was slowly getting to me. Maybe a bit.

“Tell me we're not gonna be sad gonks tonight,” Judy turned to look at me again, then stood up, putting her hands on her hips.

“...what...?” I was utterly confused by this change of stance.

“Jackie. What would he do if he saw you like this? If he saw you moping at a bar?”

I didn't have to think long, “I think he'd be like 'chica, turn that frown upside down, let's get some food, get you a drink, let's go dancing! Life's too short for legends to be sad!'... yeah, something like that,” I nodded, finding it odd how easy it was for me to imitate him.

Judy smiled and nodded, “Ev would have chosen a different club, something like Riot, or I dunno, but she wouldn't let me be alone with a long face either. Come on,” she nodded at the crowd. My rum-brain was unsure what she meant, so I squinted at her. For some reason, she found that amusing.

“I said come on. They're judging us hard, I can feel it on my back. We gotta go dance,” Judy sounded determined.

I turned back around to Mateo, “I'll uh... watch from here,” I offered.

“No you won't,” she tugged on my sleeve, “Drink up, we're going to the dance floor.”

“Judy, please...” I sighed and looked at her, trying to be serious. That was my mistake, because the moment our gazes locked, I just... I couldn't say no. The music was thumping in my ears... or maybe it was my wild heartbeat. Judy tilted her head to the side. It was like Lizzie's bar stopped existing around me. There was just the music, and Judy. She smiled at me, with a certain sheepishness, quickly turning it into a more self-assured grin, “Move, V,” she reached out for my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor. I only had enough time to finish my drink and set the glass down, “Vamos, chica!” something about the way she said it... Time stopped, rum spread a holy fire through my body.

Was this the kind of weird shit they called a spiritual moment? Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the weight of it all, I had no clue. But when I heard Judy said that, it felt like she was right. If Jackie was here with us that night, he'd not at me, wink and tell me the very same thing. And then he'd wrap his arm around Misty and have a swig of beer.

Quite some time must have passed, because the crowd was a bit thinner than I remembered when coming in. It must have been late. I didn't mind. Everything was a blur, and I was glad I could easily tell Judy from the rest, thanks to her haircut and her overalls. The way she wore them was adorable, no doubt about that. 

That girl had moves on her, that much was certain. She felt the rhythm without effort, she let it guide her, closing her eyes and moving her hips and her arms, claiming her space on the dance floor as if she understood it on a very deep level. Dancing was all about emotions, and emotions were definitely Judy's deal, so that didn't really surprise me.

I would have never suspected. But how could I know if most of the time we spent together was kinda... not really about dancing? I tried to focus on not tripping over my own legs. That would be a good start. I wasn't that drunk, I just found new moves thanks to liquid fire. And they must have been pretty okay, because Judy was smiling, but not laughing. I took that as a good sign.

I had no clue who was the DJ for the night, but they kept up the tempo, playing banger after banger. The bass shook my entire body, and the beat kept me moving with confidence and fluidity. And my intoxicated brain did a great job at assuring me I didn't look like a complete gonk, so everything was nova.

It was working. I could feel the weight slowly, but surely move away from my shoulders, as if sweating through dance was a way to banish the morbid thoughts that kept haunting me all evening. Something about just giving in to the rhythm, to the wild, frenetic sequence of beats and samples felt... cleansing. A part of me wondered if that was how Johnny felt after performing, after screaming out all his hate of Night City. The city that kept taking from him... I opened my eyes and that thought quickly disappeared. I recognised one of the tunes that was playing. I think the title was “Run” or something along those lines. It was one of the recent hits, often played at clubs... at least, somehow I remembered it from different places, as background noise for talks with fixers and the like.

The light was set in a way that made all the movements seem in slow motion. I made sure to keep my eyes on Judy, I didn't want to lose her in the crowd, and I sure as hell didn't want some loser with clammy hands to try and make her uncomfortable again. The track kept building towards a drop, slowly but surely. We both had our hands in the air and began to move to the rhythm. 

I didn't even notice when the track started to come to an end. A trickle of cold sweat ran down my spine as I saw Rita exchanging words with Mateo, then walking up to what looked like the DJ's booth... Was something going on? Were they going to close earlier? I really hoped not, because... For the first time in quite a while... I was out, among people, out with Judy... and I was having fun.

The next track meshed with the one that was ending. It was much slower and I needed a moment to recognise it.

It makes me wanna di-die, I wanna die  
You said I ruin your li-life  
Love is the devil and the devil doesn't sleep

Oh shit. They were playing Lizzy Wizzy... What was the track's name? Something... Delicate weapon! Some people on the dance floor were utterly confused, others left to take a breather. I looked at Judy. She walked up to me and placed her hands on my shoulders, tilting her head to the side in an unspoken question. Of course I would. My hands moved to her hips before I wrapped my arms around her, reminding myself not to hug her too tightly. Rum-brain was getting woozy. Maybe I should have taken it easy...

Baby, take it out on me  
Just reiterate everything  
Sorry I can't make it easy

We began to sway to the rhythm together. I was self-conscious about stinking of rum, but I quickly decided I shouldn't be, because Jude smelled of tequila, and that was really funny for some reason, funny enough to make me smile at her like a goof. She smiled back but didn't hold my gaze for long, instead she let her head on my shoulder. I felt like the most important person on the planet. Fuck, even more important than the suckers in the Crystal Palace.

Ooh  
Delicate weapon  
Ooh  
War in heaven

Yup, that was definitely Lizzy Wizzy. I would have recognized that ethereal singing everywhere. Suddenly, it felt like this was my favourite song. I silently hoped it would never end. I closed my eyes and rested my chin against Judy's head as she got comfy on my shoulder.

Tell me all the ways I hurt your name  
Do you feel the same?  
You wanna keep me yours forever  
But it was all a game  
Make me, shall I choose regret  
So I don't feel ashamed again

I wasn't quite sure what Lizzy Wizzy meant there, not with my rum-brain shrouding any sense of poetry I had in my shot up head. It didn't quite matter, because her voice sounded soothing, and my heart really needed something to calm it down, considering that it was pounding in my chest like an untamed beast that escaped the zoo and wreaked havoc in the streets. I wanted to remember this moment. This little slice of haven I got to share with Judy, on this... weirdest of nights. Honestly, it turned around in a way that would corpo backstabs jealous.

Wherе are you tonight, are you tonight?  
Baby, it's the worst day of my wholе life  
Put me outta my misery  
Baby, take it out on me  
Just reiterate everything  
Sorry I can't make it easy

It felt like it was the worst day of my life. Or at least it started like one. It felt that all the shit that piled up suddenly got into my system and poisoned it. But she turned it around. In a way, she put me out of my misery. In the least expected way possible, but the best one, for sure. Was it pity? Was it what I told her about Jackie? Did she need someone to hold her because she missed Evelyn? I blinked a few times, even my rocket-fuelled head couldn't keep up with that many questions.

I could Judy move her head away from my shoulder. She gracefully turned around, so now my hands were on her abdomen. One strap of her overalls was undone, so my hand drifted onto her exposed skin. She felt so warm and soft, and something about touching her like that felt extremely intimate. I tensed up immediately, she must have felt it, because she slowly, gently moved her hand up to trace my jaw, as if to say it was okay for my hand to stay there.

Who the fuck was I kidding, this was getting too hot for me to handle. Now that I was technically Judy's big spoon, only... not sleeping. Our hips moved together to the slow rhythm of the song. I hoped the song played because the DJ finished the shift and went home... and this song would just be played on repeat. Preferably forever.

Judy turned around again, and to be fair, I didn't mind. This way I could look at her. Her hands traced my arms and she smiled at me again before looking away and hiding her head on my shoulder. I knew the song was about to end. I knew we had our grief and our mourning. But she reminded me, that even with the people who lost their lives, we were still here. Somewhere between the chorus and the outro, with Judy's hazel eyes looking into mine, somewhere at the edge of the night, that woman helped me find my will to live again.

The next few seconds were a blur but we eventually found ourselves outside. Judy lit up a cigarette. What a great idea it was. I felt the strangest need to light one up, too. That sensation I felt after our dance of being deeply satisfied and almost sleepy reminded me of something, but I couldn't quite put my hand on it, I was too busy trying to thumb the lighter and convince it to work.

“So, I guess my plan worked, didn't it?” Judy shot me a smile. Was that a blush on her cheeks I saw? I stared at her for a bit too long and took a big, long drag from my cigarette.

“Yeah... yeah, I guess it did,” I exhaled the smoke and blinked a few times. The world was not agreeing with me. Fuck. I may have just ignited my rocket fuel with that smoke. I turned away from Judy, the beautiful, wonderful Judy that I shared the best of dances with... It felt like my insides were being twisted, wrung, and used in AllFoods before being reused. I was going to die. Rocket fuel bad. Mission Abort. Help. 

I puked my guts out, leaning against the wall. I could feel Judy's hand on my shoulder, and the other holding up the unshaved half of my hair. The only thing missing was Johnny laughing his ass off at my misery. I did not feel well at all.

“Damn, V,” I could hear Judy somewhere in the background, “You still with me? Hello?” she looked at me with a degree of suspicion. My vision swam. 

“Yup, yup... uhuh,” I replied, but I wasn't sure if anyone heard me.

Rita was somewhere there, I saw Judy and her talking. I curled up somewhere. The good part was that it didn't smell like my own vomit. There was a bit of sway, and it did not agree with me, but I was pretty sure I didn't have anything else left to turn myself inside out.

“Almost there, V,” I could hear Judy's voice. Was she with me? Were we home? Hang on, were we going to have noodles? The thought almost retch again. Nope, maybe later. I was in bed. Somehow. My boots were off, those heavy boots. I wiggled my toes.

“Okay... okay...” Judy sighed, it sounded like she just finished carrying something. Something heavy, too. Somewhere in the back of my head, a fresh seed of sobriety brought forward a bold thought – Judy must have helped me get home somehow. She was so precious. I hoped we could dance again. I felt very tired.

“Good night, V,” I could hear her voice. Music to my ears, even with the club's heavy bass still ringing in my ears.

“Good night, Jude... thank you,” I managed to reply. The next thing I remembered was the sharp, cruel daylight, and Nibbles, sitting on me, meowing in a loud demand to be fed. Sun was hurting my thoughts. My head was like a block of concrete. I shared a dance with Judy. Even if that hangover was going to end me, I was going to die a happy woman.


	4. Piranhas are fish, too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V wakes up after the events of 'Delicate Weapon' and tries to make sense of the world, her feelings, and everything else. She decides to talk to Judy... but complications arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hesitating whether it was time for Pyramid Song already (I kind of want to write an extended version of it, with some more focus on V's reactions, points of view in it, but I decided to explore different idea before that. Big thanks to Cartography from Lizzie's Bar discord server for a linguistic consultation regarding Spanish!
> 
> This is set after directly after 'Delicate Weapon', before the 'Pyramid Song' quest.

Judy: [Hey, V. Can you let me know if you're okay?]

I stared at the message for quite some time, forcing myself to focus on it and put the letters together. I wanted to reply. I had to make sure Judy didn't worry. But my head was a mess. I was a mess. If I replied and she decided to call me, I didn't think I would have been able to hold a conversation.

I needed water, and badly. All over my sorry self. I stumbled into the shower, leaving a trail of clothes behind, in case someone came in looking for me. I made a brief stop at the NCVM to grab myself a can of... something, whatever. I think it was Spunky Monkey. Hideous, but it would have to do. I downed the can way too quickly and moved into my bathroom. I let water run down my head and all over my skin as I sat down and let out a sigh.

Some time must have passed, the water leaving me in a state between half-consciousness and shower meditation while I started to feel something else, other than a debilitating hangover. I washed my hair and my body, making sure to get rid of the stench of vomit, smoke, and sweat from my skin.

What a night it had been. Bits and pieces of the blurred memories were getting pieced back together. Somehow, the clearest of them was Judy dancing with me. First just raving to the bangers at the club... then that one dance we shared, the slow, intimate dance, with Judy in my arms, so close to me...

“Well fuck me sideways, looks like you've really got a lethal case of a crush there,” Johnny informed me, having taken a seat on my toilet, across from the shower, with just the dangly, shimmering curtain between us.

I curled up my knees to cover myself, even though we both knew it didn't make any sense.

“Please, I know what you look like naked,” he scoffed and shook his head.

“Doesn't make it any less creepy. And can you please get off my case about Judy? I groaned in my hungover thoughts. I really didn't feel like being lectured at that moment.

“See, you even know it's about her! Didn't even have to say anything, point any fingers. It's hopeless. Just tell her,” he urged me, then continued his lecture, “I swear, Kerry had less trouble dancing around his lovers, and boy, could that guy dance sometimes,” Johnny leaned back and lit up an invisible cigarette. I felt my stomach rise up to my throat at the mere thought of that smoke last night. Lighting that up had been a horrible mistake, one I still regretted.

“Tell her what exactly...?” I looked up at Johnny. I didn't even start the day properly, and I was already pretty tired.

“How you feel. Tell her you see the way she looks at you and you should have another sleepover. This time make it X-rated,” Johnny raised his hands in impatience, “Or just show her. You're really asking me? Don't think our styles match in the matter, V.”

I let out another sigh and shielded my eyes from reality, “Yeah, it's not like we've got a happily ever after waiting for us, Johnny. Not with my brain losing to the engram. She's lost Ev, Maiko fucked her over... She doesn't deserve this,” I couldn't possibly do this to Judy. She had been through so much already.

“That's exactly why you should tell her. Don't waste time, V. Use it,” he insisted, “Fuck if I know what's going to happen to us, but to be completely square with you? I admire your self-control. Way she had her—”

“Johnny, no. You need to stop talking right fucking now.” I moved my hands from my eyes to my ears, as if that was gonna help, but at least my own voice ringing out blocked some of his unsolicited opinion about Judy's body.

“...I would have taken her to one of these backrooms and sealed the deal,” he shrugged.

“And that's the difference between us, choom. We were both drunk. Wouldn't have been right,” I definitely didn't want to hear what he had to say in the matter.

“Not like I'm gonna get anything out of it anyway. But you might,” he pointed out, which was oddly friendly for him, considering that he didn't usually consider anything that wouldn't serve his interest, “Something good, in all this shit. Something to remember fondly, whatever happens.”

“A sunny postcard from Night City to take with me to the void, that it?” I chuckled darkly at his suggestion.

He knew it as much as I did, he was just better at not denying and, to be fair, a complete asshole in the way he pointed it out. He wasn't completely wrong. When Judy gave me a kiss on the cheek after we dealt with the Tyger Claws at Clouds, it felt good. Almost too good. I didn't want to think too much of it, but the memory burned itself into my head and I kept going back to that moment. The way she looked at me when she strolled away, the way I wanted her to stay close just a moment longer...

And then when I was totally not being weird near her place and she came over to my pad to watch a movie. Fuck, I was being such a teenager. I held her hand for a moment and I couldn't say a word to save my life. I completely froze. I could only say it to myself, and Johnny already knew, but at that time, I really wanted to just lean in and kiss her. I've looked at her lips enough. Her smile, her pout, her self-assured smirk. She was cute as a button, and I was falling for her, a lot harder than a dying merc should.

There was also that dance we shared at Lizzie's. It almost felt like... a confirmation of sorts. Without words, sure, but the way we swayed together, the closeness she was not afraid of, and even encouraged. Maybe it was just the booze. Maybe I shouldn't try to see that much in it. I wanted to let go of my grief that night, and Judy was trying to have some fun. That might as well have been everything there was, and I was leading myself on without any confirmation from her.

Johnny may have been right on this one thing. If there was anything there, assuming it was mutual, maybe we both deserved our little slice of happiness. Would it be selfish of me to try? Probably. But she was free to say no to what I had to offer.

I could see the rocker boy smirking at me when I looked up from my musings, “Now, was that so hard?” he asked and I could see the tips of his eyebrows move above the edge of his sunglasses, “Now go, I'll get myself some popcorn.”

“Oh if I go, I'm blocking you. I don't need your comments,” I shook my head and stood up from my increasingly uncomfortable position on the shower floor.

“If I recall correctly, you had a free course on birds and bees when you browsed my memories with Alt, V. Wouldn't be very fair now, would it?” he tried, oh he tried, the sly bastard.

“Pretty sure you wouldn't want any fairy godmothers instructing you how to handle your first kiss with her, holmes. Just don't. Let me have that for myself. If it happens. It's nothing certain yet,” I replied, shrugging. I was oddly giddy about the possibility, but I had to seriously curb my enthusiasm. This wasn't some joy toy fling to get some tension out. This was Judy. And I really, really liked her...and the idea of her liking me back. What a gonk thing to think when you're in your mid-twenties, wow.

“This is how you repay my generosity, V? I will remember that,” he threw the butt of his cigarette away and left my field of view. His opinion wasn't very high on my list of moral authorities, but I could tell he wasn't completely serious that time. I almost felt like that asshole was cheering me on. Maybe it was my own quiet hope of Judy feeling the same way.

I dried myself and went to pick out some clean clothes that didn't have too many bullet holes or patches on them. I would have to get some new ones at some point, at least for the sake of decency, even if they weren't going to last anyway. The day seemed warm, so I settled for a t-shirt, a light synthleather jacket, and some slightly baggy, comfortable trousers to go with that. Sometimes I looked at Johnny in his rocker leathers and I wondered... how could he even walk in those? Suffering in the name of one's style was a thing back then... and still was, in Night City.

I threw the clothes on the sofa and sat down to get some kind of a snack and finally get to replying to Judy before I got dressed. I looked at the message. Then at my home display, comparing the dates. I glanced at Nibbles. He was sitting by his bowls and meowed at me in completely warranted impatience. I quickly filled them, one with food, the other with RealWater. No way that regal fucker was getting the piss from the sink. 

I checked my holo and the date again. Fuck. Did I really sleep for two days after that? Shit, this was bad. Not only was this fucking Relic making me weaker than expected, it just made me look like an asshole to Judy. She was probably thinking I ghosted her after that dance. 

I sighed and slapped myself mentally out of that sudden surge of panic. Just had to reply, it was going to be fine. It had to. Please, just with this one thing, let it be right. Let that good karma after saving that monk come back to me today. I even stayed my hand with those Maelstrom fucks, and they don't deserve gentle treatment at all. Not in my book.

I tried to tell myself that I had nothing to lose, but that would be a lie. I sure as hell didn't want to lose Judy. She made my life much more interesting, brighter... bearable.

V: [Hey, Judy. I'm really sorry, I only just woke up...]

Usually the reply from Judy would come after a few moments. Maybe she was sleeping after a shift at Lizzie's. Maybe she was busy. I used the time to properly get dressed and finish my food, washing it down with coffee. Nibbles looked pretty happy that he got his kibble and didn't look like he was going to kill me in my sleep any more. 

“You think she's going to reply?”

He meowed and began cleaning himself, paying little attention to me. Now I was talking to my cat, too. Not just Johnny.

My holo pinged. Finally.

Judy: [V! Jeez I was so worried abt u] Before I could reply, she sent another.  
Judy: [You okay?]

V: [Yeah, I just... Body lost track of time. Helluva night out. Didn't mean to worry you...]

Judy: [It's alright. I'm glad you're okay now.]

Something about her replies was... distant? I couldn't put my finger on it.

V: [I had fun. Maybe if we get a chance, we could go dancing again? With a bit less drinking involved.]

Judy: [Maybe. But will your moves still be good when you're sober? ;)]

There she was... This was my chance.

V: [You're gonna have to find out. Could meet up tonight if you want.]

There was another moment of silence. It was almost unbearable. I was probably being too quick. Damnit, V.

Judy: [Can't today, sorry. G2g catch ya later!]

I felt a bitter taste on my tongue. So much for good karma coming back, I thought. Or perhaps it was just a warning from the irony of life. A warning to be patient. I knew that meant I had to curb my expectations. Judy didn't owe me anything and it wasn't like she was going to make her life revolve around me, especially after I took two fucking days of beauty sleep. I had no right to be upset at her.

That still didn't stop me from slumping a bit. I had made a decision to go see Judy, maybe I was feeling a bit too pumped about the idea. Then again, if I had gone to see her, what would I have told her? Hey, Jude, it's me, I think I'm kinda really head over heels with you? Now that'd be pathetic. Maybe this way I had more time to prepare.

V: [Some other day then. Hope you have a fine one!]

I sent the message and cringed immediately afterwards. Have a fine one, fuck my life. I could have at least thought of something funny or... Johnny was right. I was in deep. I decided to stop denying that to myself. It felt like Nibbles was judging me.

“What. She's really nice. And cute. You saw her! She was here once. You almost ate her noodles, you gonk,” I frowned at Nibbles. He didn't seem to care.

Judy: [¡te vere luego!]

At least she sort of wanted to see me again soon. Well. It was time to get on with the day, earn some eddies, bonk some heads, survive another day in Night City.

I geared up and headed down to the garage to start my day. Maybe a few gigs and some good, old-fashioned adrenaline would help me settle my thoughts down and make sense of things a bit better. How would I even go about telling Judy that I... caught a bad case of feelings? My first idea on that wasn't very good, and those that followed weren't much better. Maybe I should leave it for when the sich was right, the moon and stars aligned and all.

As I made it out of Watson and into Westbrook, I got a call from Wakako. She needed me to plant some malware at a shrine occupied by Tyger Claws. Preferably without getting noticed. 

I liked these kinds of gigs, with a bit of challenge to them. Maybe I've seen too many ninja-themed BDs in my time, but I'd always find it deeply satisfying to get in and out of a place like a ghost. Even the digital eyes of the enemy were shrouded – I made sure to turn off the cameras, so that there wasn't any kind of evidence that I was ever there. What was even better, that approach usually resulted in a nice bonus from the fixer, so it was worth the effort. 

The job at Milagro Terrace didn't take me a lot of time, so after calling Wakako, I drove back from the outskirts into the heart of Japantown to pickup my scratch. It was deposited in the box at the crossing of Salinas and Sagan Avenue, a loud, crowded, though rather nicely shaded place.

I sat down in my car to have a drink and a moment of respite after the gig. The radio was playing some chill tunes, I took a moment to do some people watching while I wondered about Wakako's long-term play with the Tyger Claws. I thought I saw a familiar vehicle pass by... Was it? Could it be? It was some uncanny coincidence. It was Judy's van, and I saw her for a moment, clutching the wheel. She looked upset, I could tell by the frown. And it looked like there was someone in the passenger's seat, too. Man, those Kiroshis were good. But what was she doing here, away from Lizzie's, away from her place, in an area where even NCPD patrolled with their tails between their legs, because it was crawling with Tyger Claws? After the stunt we pulled at Clouds... this was asking for trouble.

Perhaps it was Roxie that was with her, or Tom... or both of them. Maybe they were driving to get lunch or whatever. Was it really my business?

For a moment, I considered my options. I couldn't just insert myself into every moment of her life if she didn't want me in it. She usually asked for help if she needed some merc-related assistance. Why not this time? Well, I could follow her, just to make sure that she was alright. I could always turn around, she looked focused, she probably wouldn't notice me anyway. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her simply because I chose to be... neglectful, in a way.

After rejoining the traffic, I switched lanes a few times to get a bit closer to her van, but not close enough so she could see me in her mirrors. That would have been an amateur move, and I didn't do amateur moves. There was a part of me that was incredibly glad that I decided to follow her, because it looked like she was driving in the direction of the seedier parts of the district, and that was not a good sign, even if she wasn't alone. I kept wondering who was with her.

“I can feel that, someone's jealous. Let it burn, V. If shit gets started, I wanna be there,” Johnny sat next to me, his arms crossed and his lips curled up into a smirk.

“I'm just making sure she's alright. You seen this part of town? It's not somewhere you'd go if you had any choice in the matter,” I frowned at him and returned my focus to the road, I didn't wanna lose track of Judy.

He made a parroting gesture and shook his head, “Not something you considered, V,” he stated more than asked.

“What are you on about this time?” I didn't appreciate him butting in at that moment.

“Maybe she didn't have time for you cause she's busy with someone else. Looking at you funny is one thing, already having an output is another,” he explained and I groaned, clutching at my steering wheel.

“If you came here to be an asshole, just go. Please. I still don't even know how I'd tell her,” I sighed.

“Hey, don't shoot the messenger,” he raised his hands defensively, “Don't be mad if I'm right. At least I warned you.”

He had a point. If I was about to witness Judy meeting with someone close to her that she didn't tell me about...and didn't really have to tell me, why would she feel obliged to in the first place... well, at least I could stop thinking of a way to let her know how I felt. I'd just let it go to my grave with me. Maybe it was even better that way.

Judy turned into what was a dead-end alley. I couldn't exactly follow her into there, so I stopped the car and got out, deciding to channel my inner ninja one more time that day. It came naturally, and my movements were fluid and calculated. I even put up a hood to hide my hair and make myself look a little bit more inconspicuous.

“Now this is a lot more entertaining than watching you brood in the shower,” Johnny leaned against a wall a few steps behind me. I clenched my fist and that only made him scoff, “Oh, please, V. Let a dead guy have some fun for fuck's sake. This is gold.”

“You're lucky only I can hear you...” I huffed and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to focus. It was time to get a snoop.

I leaned from behind the corner and zoomed in. A pair of sunglasses was hiding my eyes, easily recognisable due to the optics. The swelling from that last job went down so I was looking more like myself, it didn't exactly help in this particular case.

As Judy got out of the van, a wave of warm and fuzzy feelings surged through my body, just at the sight of her. That woman had a clear effect on me, and even if Johnny was about to point it out, I had no line of defence against his bullshit.

“I think I'm gonna barf. Boners are much less confusing,” he offered some unnecessary information, “But I guess I was right all along.”

Judy started moving towards the back of the van and I quickly hid behind the corner, pressing my back to the wall.

“Alright, let's get this done with, I don't want to stay here longer than I have to,” I could hear her speak, she wasn't thrilled to be here, whatever the reason for it must have been.

“I know. But I really appreciate you doing this. I'm not even being ironic this time,” another woman replied. My heart sank at first, but after a moment I recognised the voice and tensed up, feeling my fists clench, along with my jaw. For a moment I thought I was gonna punch that fucking wall that kindly supported my back.

“Just... please don't make me regret this, Maiko. Which stuff goes first?” Judy's tone was rather flat, borderline annoyed.

“Doesn't really matter, we could carry the heavier ones together?” a reply came, to which Judy gave a sound of acknowledgement.

Johnny pushed himself away from the wall and walked into the alley to look at the two, hands on his hips.

“All this fucking trouble. The entire goddamn conspiracy... And now this? They're choombas again? Fuck me, if her taste is shit, yours is un-fucking-redeemable,” he narrated the slow motion car crash that was also known as my life.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all the double crossing Maiko had attempted, Judy was helping her? What the actual otherworldly fuck was going on?! I completely forgot about my 'spy' get up and moved out of my hiding spot to walk into the alley. Judy was in the back of the van, staring at a stack of boxes, as if wondering where to start with them. Maiko... was that Maiko? She looked... different. Still, she heard and saw me first, without a moment of hesitation she reached to a side holster and drew a Lexington pistol, firing off a shot at me. My reflex implant kicked in and I managed to dodge it.

Oh, my fingers were itching to respond in kind, but that wouldn't be doing anyone any favours, “Don't shoot, you fucking gonk!” I shouted and scrambled back behind the wall, “It's me!”

I heard Judy scream at the shot, it must have caught her by surprise... she was far from a squeamish type, “Maiko, what the fuck?!” she shouted right after.

“Don't jump me like that, you murderous bitch,” yep, I was definitely sure it was Maiko.

“Alright... put it away... I'm not here to hurt you,” I called out from around the corner.

After a moment I could hear Judy, she sounded completely surprised, “V...?”

“I know your kind. They sent you after me. They must have!” Maiko seemed to have some sort of a deeper idea behind my presence there.

“It's me, Judy,” I came clean, “I was in the area, saw your van, got a bit worried.”

Judy sighed, I could see her come from around the corner, her expression was a mix between impatience and just about being done with everything. Before I had a chance to say anything, Maiko came into view. She wasn't wearing her usual fancy pink get up, she had some kind of an old army jacket on. Her hair was a mess and her make-up looked hasty and not at all glamorous, “The fuck do you want, merc?”

“Don't talk to me that way after I let you live,” I warned her, feeling the deep reserves of my patience drain. And they were draining very quickly, at that. Instead, I looked at Judy, “What is this about, Jude? This part of town is far from safe,” I tried my best to sound as gentle as possible, but my voice was shaking, and so were my fists.

“V, this really isn't anything you should be worried about,” Judy replied, crossing her arms on her chest. I kept looking at her and pointed at Maiko, “Oh I think the moment you involved her in it, it's very much my business, too, especially after what she pulled with the fucking Claw bosses, don't you think?” I was boiling. This was bullshit. First she rants to me on how much of a gonk she was for trusting Maiko, and now she's helping her move or whatever?

“It's complicated, and I don't exactly have to involve you in every little fucking thing I do, okay?” Judy was getting confrontational about the whole thing, “I appreciate you caring, but I'm fine. We're fine. I'm just helping Maiko move.”

I raised my brows. We?! Did she just say we in relation to herself and Maiko?

“You really have no clue, do you?” Maiko lowered her gun before putting it away. She cast a glance around, scanning the environment in a way that I knew intimately. She was paranoid.

“I don't have a clue, and I don't really care what your play is this time, Maiko,” I looked at the former Clouds manager, then shot Judy a deeply hurt glance, “I can't believe you're doing this after everything she tried to do,” I said quietly, shaking my head with obvious disapproval.

Judy sucked on the inside of her cheek, keeping her arms crossed on her chest, “I'm with the Mox, V. We help our own. I don't expect you to understand that, even though you helped me and didn't ask a single eddie for it. I thought you understood that. We don't let our people in the shit when they need help the most.”

“Far as I know, Maiko ain't a Mox and never will be,” I pointed out, my tone audibly more upset than I wanted to let on.

“She may as well be, she used to be a doll, she knows the hard life. Besides... She's an asshole, but... I know she has good sides, too. I'm doing it for the sake of those good sides. Even though she helped me forget about them pretty quickly,” Judy glanced at Maiko. I knew that glance. She looked at me in a similar way, too. If I recalled correctly, she'd sometimes look at Ev that way, back when we first met. What was even worse, for the first time ever I saw... a glimmer of warmth in Maiko's smile.

Fuck. I should have known. They had a history. The must have been an item at some point. Of course. And here I was, coming between them. First Judy told me she didn't have time that day, now she was helping Maiko move. It was my fucking turn to be a walking gonkfest.

“V...?” I had my eyes closed and my palm covering my forehead when I heard Judy call my name. She sounded oddly distant, “V, are you okay...?” she asked again, this time she sounded very concerned for some reason. I felt a coppery tinge on my lips, it was my own blood. But why...? I touched my face, I was having a nosebleed. I opened my eyes.

[Warning: Critical Relic Malfunction!!!]

My retinal display was filled with red numbers and letters, blurry lines of white and blue made everything look like badly executed slow motion or a corrupted BD that would be more likely to blind someone, rather than entertain them. Everything felt too warm, my head was on fire. I could feel a distant groan from Johnny, his voice echoing in a digital stutter, “Don't you fucking die on me, V!”

When I woke up, I was no longer in the alley. The room was dim, the windows were small, but isolating the noise rather well. I felt around, someone put a blanket on me. I was still alive. Was that really a good thing? A quick feel of my face and nose told me that someone was kind enough to clean my face. The place smelled of Buck-A-Slice and coffee. I remembered the course of events gradually. There wasn't better moving food than pizza, however synthetic it was. I sat up slowly to see Judy and Maiko, idly talking while sitting on the floor on cushions, at a low coffee table that was used as a makeshift piece of furniture for dining.

Judy noticed my return to consciousness and walked up to me, then knelt at my side, placing her hand on my forehead for a moment.

“You scared me...” she said softly. She was frowning, but her gestures were affectionate at the same time. Maybe I died and went to some kind of heaven? Or perhaps purgatory, considering that Maiko was there, too.

“I'm sorry, Judy, didn't mean to. You know that,” I whispered, closing my eyes. Her hand briefly cupped my cheek, then gave unshaved side of my hair a playful ruffle.

“I know you didn't mean that. Just glad you're alive,” she moved her hand away and sat at my side, “The chip, I'm guessing?”

I nodded, “It malfunctioned something fierce. I mean, I almost got shot, and...”

“It's alright. Take it easy. It was a fucking mess,” Judy sighed and looked at Maiko for a moment before turning her attention back to me, “I'm sorry, too. Maybe I should have told you. Maiko thought it was a bad idea... but hear her out, okay? Please?” something about her expression said 'for me?' and that was a request I couldn't refuse.

I sat up a bit straighter and leaned against the wall, “Fine. You obviously had your reasons,” I realised I still sounded quite pissy, but I'm sure she somehow understood where I was coming from.

“Please, Judy. Let me,” Maiko turned to face me and gestured around, “Welcome to my new place, I guess. Not a penthouse, the plumbing's shit...”

“Maiko,” Judy warned, gesturing for her to get on with it.

“Fine. Long story short, one day I came home and found my apartment completely trashed. Not sure who, not sure why. I'm thinking Claws. They know better than to touch you, so they struck me where it hurt,” she explained, “I panicked, called Judy, didn't know where else to go, what to do. I found this pad for hire and decided to lay low here. I'm fucking scared, this whole plan was a mess and...”

Judy glared at her again.

“...thanks for helping me salvage what was left of my place, Judy,” Maiko slumped, oddly humbled by the experience. I almost felt some kind of primal satisfaction at seeing her that way. I was glad Judy couldn't see it.

A few responses came to my mind. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Shame they didn't trash her as a bonus. Karma came back, finally. Maybe it wasn't good karma coming back to me, but definitely Maiko's hitting her in that pouty face.

“I guess that does explain things. Still, if you told me about it, I could have helped or something,” I looked at Judy.

“Honestly, I didn't want to bother you. I still felt guilty about you feeling sick the other night at Lizzie's,” she shrugged at first, then smiled at me, “Even though it was fun.”

“About that...-” I started, but Judy decided it was time for a quick change of subject. Well, Maiko was still there. I was technically at her place.

“You thirsty? Hungry?” Judy asked me. She was still sitting by my side, and I kinda liked the fact she was being this close to me. 

I smiled at her, “Throat's a bit dry,” I nodded. It hurt to move a bit and my head felt heavy, so I decided to take it easy.

“You look like death itself. Didn't think a bit of sapphic drama had such an effect on mercs,” Maiko deadpanned. I could see her watch the interactions between Judy and me. She was definitely scanning for signs, even though she wasn't keen on sharing any conclusions.

“I'll be fine, thanks for the concern, Maiko,” I replied, trying to sound as neutral as I could. There was only so much common human decency I could extend towards Judy's standoffish, better-than-you, manipulative ex before finally submitting to the desire of applying a quick short circuit to her. A thought suddenly hit me. Mama Welles would not be proud if I did that. I was under her roof, while she could have just told Judy to leave me in the street. Mi casa su casa and all that.

Judy brought me something to drink and I thanked her before downing the contents of the mug. Lukewarm coffee, wasn't great, but it was like nectar on my parched tongue, “Feeling better already,” I smiled at her. I didn't want her to worry.

“Well, since we're done here, and the next step is unpacking, I think that's my cue,” Judy said as she stood up and put her hands on her hips. Maiko stood up as well. I suppressed a groan and joined them in the bipedal club.

“I should go, too. Thanks for picking me up from the street,” I nodded.

“Wasn't easy with all that chrome, but we managed,” Maiko sounded more like herself, but after a moment she exhaled, as if making a decision, “Fine, sorry I tried to shoot you,” she added, earning a raise of brows from Judy. She looked positively surprised.

“I'd tell you to call me whenever you need anything, but... maybe it's better if we kind of leave it here. I don't want Claws on my tail either,” Judy looked at Maiko and nodded.

“Yeah, I get that. I didn't think you'd help me but... thanks, Judy. You're a good person. With all the disadvantages that come with that,” Maiko just couldn't say anything without backhanded compliments, it seemed.

Judy was about to say something and I could see her hands ball into fists. I gently placed one palm on her shoulder, “Shall we?” I suggested, deciding to be the dove with the fucking peace offering this time.

“Yeah. Bye, Maiko,” Judy gave her ex a wave, I nodded, and we made our way back to the alley where Judy had parked her van.

“Fuck, I need a cig,” Judy muttered and lit one up the moment we were outside. She leaned with her back against the wall and took a drag. She was shaking, and only now I could see just how many different emotions she had been holding back at Maiko's.

“I'll pass. The last one I had was pretty risky,” I exhaled audibly through my nose, hoping to amuse her. She shot me a slightly mocking smile, “I swear, I've never seen anyone go that green in the face. You were really fucked up, jaina,” she shook her head and exhaled smoke away from my face, just to spare me another embarrassing situation.

“Seems I have a knack at making myself looking like a gonk,” I frowned, mirroring her position against the wall, close to her, but not too close.

“Well, V. We have a couple of ways out of this. We can both admit we made a mistake and agree this was a... miscommunication, or we can have a really tiring and pointless competition about who fucked up more,” she shrugged.

Before I could think about my answer and apply some measure of common sense to it, I fired off, “I mean, the latter would give me a bit more time with you, wouldn't it?” I allowed myself a smile, just to show her I wasn't completely serious in my choice.

“Quality over quantity, V,” Judy quipped, but smiled as well. She sighed and continued after a moment of consideration and another drag of her cigarette, “I didn't want to tell you exactly because it was Maiko. Not because she's my ex, but because of what she did. But I just couldn't leave her on ice with this. It's against my principles. I'm not Suzie to be picky about who I help.” 

It was hard to disagree with that, so I gave her a nod. I understood where she was coming from. Now that the biochip forced me to cool down, and I wasn't in a fighting stance when listening to Maiko's explanation, I understood, “Yeah, I can see where it's coming from. I really wasn't following you. I just got worried you got mixed up in something sketchy,” I said quietly, “Not that you can't take care of yourself, just...”

“Hey, I get it,” she smiled at me again, “It's kind of nice to see someone gives a shit for a change. And someone wants to do something for me, instead of just asking things from me,” she said, I detected a bit of bitterness in her tone. Whatever happened between her and Maiko, it must have been pretty ugly.

“Whatever you need, whenever you need it,” I said, as certain as I could make myself sound.

She finished her cigarette and turned to face me, arms crossed, a smirk curling up her lips.

“Really? Anything?” she challenged and I nodded.

“Even if it's something that might not work, something no one's ever done before?” she asked. I couldn't help but give her a slightly confused look, but quickly recovered.

“Did I fucking stutter?” I quipped instead, shooting her a grin.

She tilted her head to the side and eyed me up and down. She moved away from the wall and paced there and back a few steps as she considered something, “Alright... alright. Give me a few days. I've got something to prepare. I'll give you a call once it's done,” she said. My surprised expression must have been hella amusing to her for some reason.

“Really? You're just going to leave me with that? More mysteries?” I asked. The last one didn't go over so well, after all.

“This one will be different. And no. I'm going to leave you with -this-,” she walked up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek with an audible mwah to it. I closed my eyes and smiled, welcoming the feeling of her soft lips on my skin. I wanted to hold her close, let this moment last... But before I could make a decision whether I should or not, she pulled away. My cheeks were burning, her had a bit of colour to them as well.

“Deal,” I said, “I'll be waiting.”

“Good. See you round, V,” she shot me a smile that sent a shiver down my spine. I was in for a few very, very long days.


	5. Depths, peaks, and everything in-between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V finally finds answers to two important questions: Who tried to flatline Evelyn, and what secret mission Judy had been planning. Yes, Pyramid Song happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a very hard time trying to think of something that could be a better alternative to Pyramid Song. It was a wonderful quest, and a beautiful point in the relationship between FemV and Judy. This is my attempt at adding some more thoughts and emotions on V's side to it, but I can in no way top that game experience because it was simply amazing. Thank you, the wonderful developers at CD Projekt Red.
> 
> WARNING: Contains elements of graphic violence, questionable use of hacks, as well as descriptions of sexually explicit nature.

Spoilers for the Pacifica arc of the main quest. Set some time after “Piranhas are fish, too.”

As I left Cyberspace and returned to the reality I had been much more familiar with, the first thing I felt was the cold. Everything was so cold. I felt like I was about to freeze when I stumbled out of the ice bath and onto the ground, fighting for quick, shallow breaths. The smell of burned flesh, some of it still sizzling, hit me quickly and hit me pretty hard. I looked around and I realized that I was the only one still breathing in the room.

Was it NetWatch? Was it Alt? I wasn't sure if it mattered. If it was NetWatch, then I was glad I decided to talk to that agent and see for myself that I was being played. If it was Alt, well, the gang's hope of finding some sort of mythical salvation beyond the Blackwall was as good as gone. 

Even Brigitte didn't survive the overload. I took a good look at her. Even though her face was concealed in the recording Judy had found in Ev's head, I recognised the back of her head and her hairstyle. The attitude was there, too. If I weren't so damn cold, perhaps I would have felt relief. Or maybe it was the cold that made me feel very little, that made this sense of... cruel, yet vindicated satisfaction wash over me. I wondered what Judy would say if I told her about my adventures there. I definitely intended to do that, if an opportunity presented itself.

I hugged myself, feeling my teeth clatter. I had to keep moving, otherwise the chip could get damaged even further... or I could just plain die, and that really wasn't a welcome option. The servers that filled the underground room generated enough heat for me to finally stop shivering, but I was still far from alright. I knew that more gang members would arrive, sooner than later, alarmed by a lack of connection with their peers.

Without a lot of time on my hands, I gathered my equipment and took a coat from one of the fried VDBs to stop myself from going into acute hypothermia. I had to keep moving. I was moving through the abandoned maglev train when I heard a conversation between a few gang members. They were still in one of the maze-like halls of the underground, giving me some time to hide.

My passive translator picked up on their exchange, they were alarmed about the rest. I wondered if my 'guide' to Pacifica was amongst them. To say we did not get along was mild and diplomatic. Something told me I would have to get out of those catacombs over his unmoving body, and with that expression of utmost contempt finally wiped off his face. By none other than a ranyon, at that.

I made my way past the patrols. They were grunts. Gangoons like any other in Night City, needing something to kill or destroy, reckless without someone above them to exert control. But they didn't wrong me. Not directly, at least. But that hulking, brooding asshole? Oh, he was getting what was coming to him.

Finally, I felt warm enough to move and think comfortably. I made sure to seal the door that connected the chapel to the underground tunnels to keep the common gangoons inside. I didn't want to be interrupted, and I doubted they would manage to hack it before I was done with him. Placide was a man of very few words, keeping me on a strictly need-to-know basis for the duration of this job. He even forgot to mention that I got a virus from the VDBs to go with my mission. I decided to respect that and stop trying to have a conversation with him. Heard his heavy footsteps move towards the pillar I was hiding behind, so I cut off his motor functions with a quick hack. It was as if he got stuck in molten asphalt or quicksand, waving his hands to push himself away, keep moving, but couldn't. They infected my system with cyber-poison, so I decided to respond in kind. I could hear his pained groans, his features contorted with pain as the more toxic elements included in cyberware were released into his system. It forced his tall, imposing form to bend over in agony. His motor functions were gradually returning, and I had to pick my options quickly before my RAM was going to run out on me.

“I know you're here! You won't leave here alive!” he promised me, tearing pieces of wood from the pew as he staggered towards me, balling his massive hands into fists. I recalled the moment when he took me by my clothes and lifted me off the ground with unbelievable ease. I did not want him to get anywhere close to me.

I scrambled between the pillars and focused on applying the final hack. Perhaps it was cruel. It was definitely petty and an exaggeration, but it didn't matter. It was vengeance. As I finished applying the quick hack, his expression changed. He seemed almost... indifferent. No longer there. In a moment like that, watching was hard, but I wanted to make sure the deed was done

He growled, helpless and unable to resist all the pain, and grasped the backrest of one of the pews, shuddering as his body was giving up on him. Best netrunners in town my ass. There was still a chance he may have shaken out of it, so I drew my gun, just to be sure. Placide took his shotgun and rested it against the pew, the business end of the barrel was pointing at his head. I remembered the police recording I had found at Clouds when looking for Evelyn. How she threw herself around like a helpless doll, puppeteered by one them. How they kept calling her 'that whore', how she was just a tool for them, just like I was. I saw his finger press down on the trigger and I closed my eyes, hearing the shot ring out, quickly followed by the heavy thump of a lifeless body. For Evelyn Parker, motherfucker.

When I left the chapel after a few moments, the street and complex around were empty, as if the people of Pacifica had it drilled in them to retreat inside when certain things happened. My vision was starting to swim, so I quickly made my way to the transit hub and waited at the stop to catch a train away from that place. 

Finally, one arrived, and I stumbled inside and sitting down with my side to the backrest as I watched the unfinished skyscrapers become more and more distant. Johnny was standing in front of me, rambling something about how the corps were ruining Pacifica. I wanted him to shut up and I couldn't quite focus on what he was saying, but I kept the conversation going, more to keep myself conscious and let it pass than to entertain his ideas about rising up to entropy itself, or something similar that only a rockerboy could have come up with.

Johnny finally left me alone after some good old-fashioned ranting, but I stayed on the train, trying to make sense of what I learned in Cyberspace, and what had transpired in Pacifica. I had the BBS address of a Night City legend gone... sort-of-AI? And I may have just made Mr Hands' business in that district a hell of a lot more difficult, plus now NetWatch possibly had their eyes on me, but maybe in a good way. I curled up on the seat and decided to head home. I really, really needed a nap, it was almost as if the sun slowly setting on the city was reminding whatever was left human of me that we had circadian rhythms for a reason.

I disembarked at H10 and took the elevator to my pad, leaning against the screen, half-conscious. I wasn't even hungry, because every time my stomach cramped with the need for some food, the image of Placide after he pulled the trigger pushed itself into my imagination. I wanted to wash it off. I wanted to believe that I've done the right thing by exacting vengeance for Evelyn. Most of all, I wanted Judy to hug me, hold me close, and tell me things were going to be okay. I missed her so much. 

Home sweet home. I dressed down to my underwear and refilled Nibbles' bowls, before I decided I was going to go have that shower. Some time later, I was in bed and staring at my phone like a hopeless case. It was time to put on the cheerful V.

V: [Hey Judy, how's that super secret thing coming along?]

Judy: [Hey V! Getting impatient? ;)) ]

V: [You bet. Gotta prepare well for that one. I'm in bed for the night though.]

I just wanted to inform her about having called it for the day, I really did. After a moment I realized it may have sounded a lot more suggestive than I had intended. Fuck.

Judy: [Awwh. Long day?]

V: [Yeah. I just wanted to tell you I'm okay. And I've got news.]

Judy: [Wanna call?]

It would be such a joy to hear her, see her on the holo. But I really didn't feel like moving to put on some semblance of decency, and calling her half-naked would have been a worse case of cognitive dissonance than putting in ocular implants that mismatched with two different versions of firmware.

V: [Would prefer to tell you in person when we meet.]

Shit. What if she wants to come over? Pretty bold of me to assume she would want to, but still. Quick. Say something. Type faster.

V: [Hopefully soon?]

Judy: [First you need your beauty sleep ;)) But my plan is almost done. Got a wetsuit?]

V: [No, but I can get one?]

Judy: [Nah, don't worry. Don't want you spending eddies on some shoddy brand. Can't tell you all yet, but I'll tell you one deet – we're going diving!]

V: [What else should I keep in mind?]

Judy: [Jeez, chill, merc V. No guns, ok? More info tomorrow. Sweet dreams ;)) ]

V: [Can't wait. Sweet dreams, Judy]

They would be, if she was in them, I thought to myself. That smile, those hazel eyes, that cute voice... But what was she planning? Diving? No guns? I was too tired to come up with ideas about Judy's plan, but she lingered on my mind, and as moments passed, I almost regretted not calling her, not inviting her over. I started feeling selfish, needy, in the most basic of ways. I wanted her by my side, next to me, close to me. It wasn't just me being mushy. I didn't want the world to see me that way. I turned off the lights, pulled my blanket over my head and closed my eyes, taking a moment to guide my body back to the ability to form reasonable thoughts. And once I was capable of forming such, I pulled my cover down partly, listening to my own breath settle down.

Fuck, after the last few relic fiascos that I somehow ended up surviving, I needed to go and see Vik about it. I didn't even know if diving was a thing I should be doing in my current state, even if I didn't really mind getting my feet or my hands wet from gig to gig. Even if there wasn't much he could help me with when it came to making sure I was going to be safe underwater, getting a check-up from Vik never hurt. Whatever Judy was planning, I couldn't fail her. Not this time. Not after having a fucking nosebleed in front of Maiko. It was decided. Sleep, then a trip to Vik's.

I woke up feeling much better than the day before, and as I was on my way to the garage, Judy must have seen I went online on the holo because she called me. I could see her smile, and that made my lips curl up in a happy expression as well.

“Hey, V,” there was something... cheeky to her tone. I couldn't quite place it, but I could tell she was in a good mood.

“Hey, Judy, I was just thinking when you were gonna call me,” I replied, shooting her a smirk.

“Oh, so do I got amazing timing or are you always thinking about me?” she quipped. Was she... was she actually flirting with me?

“I could be cursing your name in my thoughts, you know. Or just wondering what that surprise is, the one you're not telling me, the super secret mission for a merc who said she'd do anything?” If she wanted to play a bit, I was definitely up for that game.

“Alright, alright... The dam past Rancho Coronado, know it?” she asked and I hummed in acknowledgement, “There's a cottage there, right by the water. Meet me there by sundown. No weapons needed, just a wetsuit, but I got one for you” she explained, but for some reason I felt none the wiser.

“That it? No more deets? Is this retrieval, are we diving for treasure...?” I asked, frowning more in concern than annoyance.

“You'll see. Are you in?”

“Well, I gotta warn you, I look great in a wetsuit...” I grinned at her in the holo.

She tilted her head to the side, shooting me a rather intrigued smile. I felt like I was about to come up in flames, “Believe it when I see it... So are you coming?”

What was she planning? Why was she being so obtuse with it? Wait... her smile, her tone... was she..?

“I'm in, of course I'm in. I don't go back on my word. But I gotta ask, umm... Judy, is this a date?” I asked, deciding to take a different angle in my search for information.

“You're gonna have to find out. We'll have to,” she replied, smiling sheepishly, “I'll meet you at sundown. See ya, V!”

We disconnected and I let out a big sigh, leaning against the elevator as it arrived in the garage level. I saw Barry, my downstairs neighbour, come in with a box. He gave me a look and smiled, “Hey, V. Looking good. You been on vacation?” he asked. He held the box in a very protective way, which made me wonder what was inside. Or who.

“No, no. But I might take the evening off,” I smiled, it was probably a lot more telling than I wanted it to.

“Oh... okay, okay. Have fun, girl! Oh and,” he motioned for me to come closer. I did and he opened the lid of his box. Inside was a turtle, probably young, kind of small. He was munching on a leaf of lettuce. 

“I'd like you to meet Andrew the Second. I don't care what Mendez says. And when you and I talked about him... I realised I really miss the company, so here we are,” he smiled proudly and closed the lid, checking if the holes on the sides weren't obstructed.

“Hey, that's nova, Barry. I'm really happy for you and your friend,” I smiled at him, “I gotta go, though, catch you later, man,” with a wave, I left and found my car, getting in to make my way to Vik's.

As I drove, I couldn't help but wonder about what Judy said. We were gonna have to find out whether this was a date or not... I would have to find out. No pressure, V, just don't be a gonk. It was a challenge around Judy, and I really didn't want to fuck up whatever she had in mind. All the more reason to get a check up.

When I arrived, I greeted Misty, seeing as there wasn't anyone in Esoterica, not at this hour, I decided to have a chat with her, since she mentioned Viktor having a client. I had time to kill until sundown, after all.

“What's new, Misty?”

“Hey, V. Good to see you. Not much, really. Except for the fact that Mama Welles... I think she decided to adopt me. I keep getting invited over to dinner.”

“Well, that's good, right?” I raised my brows, leaning against the counter as I took a seat on the chair across Misty.

She hesitated for a moment, “At first I thought she finally, you know, changed her mind about me. But she keeps making roast. I don't eat meat and she knows that! And she keeps saying I'm too thin.”

“No wonder Jackie grew into such a big guy,” I chuckled. Memories of him were always fond to me, even if he was gone. I looked at Misty and she nodded, though there was sadness behind her eyes, maybe bringing Jackie up wasn't the best idea, “What if you told her you can cook one time? Or suggest chili sin carne? It's still her cuisine, but you can both eat it?” I suggested.

“I just might. Who knows, maybe it'll be a compromise. Next time she invites me... maybe you could come with? Please, V, I sometimes feel she wants to smother me with her newfound affection for me,” Misty pleaded and I nodded.

“Fine, sure. If I'm around and in a state to go, sure,” I agreed, smiling.

Misty spent a moment looking at me, very, very carefully. She hummed and rested her chin in the palm of her hand, “You know... it's really interesting. You have a bit of a green tint to you. Green and orange,” she said, and I saw her smirk. It wasn't something that occurred often.

“I'm... not entirely sure what you mean?” I raised my brow at her.

“Your heart chakra and your sacral chakra. These are their colours,” she explained, as if that was supposed to tell me everything. Well, the heart one kinda did, “I suppose that Magician card I drew for you some time ago came to fruition,” Misty spoke, a gentle smile played on her lips.

“Fruition is a big word. But, uh. I'll let you know. I don't wanna jinx it,” I shrugged and put my hands in the back pockets of my trousers. She probably didn't need to know about chakras to tell I was acting a bit juvenile.

“Alright, V,” she smiled, “I won't push you about this. Just... try and let your heart forget about everything that's going on. Let it thrive,” she added after a moment, then looked over her shoulder, as Vik's previous client was just leaving the Esoterica.

“Well, that's me. Thank you, Misty. You're a treasure,” I nodded at her and made my way to the basement. Viktor was watching a re-run of some boxing match, it had added commentary and there were a few retired veterans in the studio talking about all the techniques.

“V, still alive and kicking! Good to see you, girl. What can I do for you?” he swung on his stool towards me, leaning back against one of the counters.

“Good to see you too, Viktor. I'm here for a check-up. I wanted to see how things are, maybe just... don't tell me how fast I'm dying, okay?” I chuckled nervously. It was a topic I had trouble approaching, but laughter seemed to be a good solution for it, “I got a gig that involves diving, I wanted your opinion on that, maybe advice if you have any.”

He nodded, then pointed to the chair. I took a seat in silence, letting the comfy syn-leather creak around me.

“Diving, you said. I'm assuming that's with some appropriate gear, not just jumping into the water like that, no protection?”

“I know a wetsuit is involved, so I'm guessing the whole thing, oxygen tanks and all,” I shrugged. Judy didn't mention that specifically, but I remembered the gear she had at her pad, and that was some expensive, preem stuff.

“Then you should be fine,” Viktor said, “Just be careful about oxygen supply and avoid fighting mutated sharks underwater, and you won't have any trouble. If anything, the water should be cold enough to keep the biochip stable. Of course, the diving suit will isolate you so you don't get too cold, but you know what I mean. Favourable circumstances, except for the water being completely unusable,” he said as he pulled up his diagnostics and began the check.

“I see that Stephenson deck is coming in handy,” Viktor raised his brows, then inclined his head, “And you have some pretty nasty things loaded up in there. Jesus, V...” he almost sounded uncomfortable.

I did not change my setup yet after going through Pacifica for answers, so I hummed, “I had a score to settle. With people who really did a number on someone's mind.”

“Well, you know best how to do these things, if you think someone deserves that...” he said but I shook my head.

“I don't know if anybody does. But I didn't think about it in that moment. I just wanted payback,” I frowned and felt my jaw clench.

Viktor just nodded and grew a bit silent for a moment. He must have been considering something seriously but his expression finally moved from a frown to a more neutral one, “I don't know how much longer you can go on, V, but whatever happens, don't let the Relic take you away from you. Not like this. Don't turn into a terrorist,” he said as he finished his diagnostics run.

I never thought of it this way, not until he mentioned it. But what if he was right? What if my methods had been changing because of Johnny? What if there was more and more recklessness in my actions because of Silverhand acting as a psychopath prompter inside my head? Funny, Misty had just asked me to not think about death and everything falling apart around me.

“I won't, Vik. But thank you for the food for though. Appreciate it,” I nodded and looked up at him. He nodded in return, showing that we were on the same page and on good terms, and that was enough for me.

“Well, have fun diving, V. Let me know if you find some old ship with ancient canned meat that's somehow still edible,” he chuckled, offering a change of subject.

“I have no clue what we're looking for or what I might find, but I was told no guns, so here's hoping it's actually a simple retrieval. Maybe a bit of urban exploration,” I shrugged. I still kept wondering what Judy had planned for the 'maybe-date-maybe-not'... “Edible canned meat, though? Damn, Vik, I didn't take you for that much of a risk taker,” I shot him a grin. 

He shook his head, chuckling, “Some of it was quite good, or so I was told by my grandparents. My grandpa swore by some sort of canned ham he'd put on his sandwiches, with pickles and all. Alright, I think I need lunch,” my ripperdoc patted his abdomen and gestured quickly, showing I could move from the chair and that he was done checking my systems.

“Alright, thanks, Viktor,” I transferred him the usual fee for a check-up, even though he tried to protest. He was a master of his craft and even though he never had too few clients, I wanted to show my respect to his skill and didn't think I needed or wanted any form of preferential treatment.

I left the clinic and said bye to Misty before heading out into the street. It was a clear day, not a common occurrence in Night City, but one to enjoy, for sure. I took that as a good sign. When I asked Judy whether our meeting was going to be a date, she didn't give me a straight answer. Heh, I scoffed at my own little joke. I wouldn't want a straight answer either... But the important bit was that she didn't deny it. After a moment of consideration, I came to think it was a good approach. A healthy one. Yes, there was something there... and I definitely wanted to see if we could... find a common ground in the matter, but making assumptions was bad. We'd have to see, just like she had said.

With still a few hours to kill, I decided to take it easy. I headed down to the outskirts of Night City, through Arroyo and Rancho Coronado. I busied myself with a simple job for the local fixer there – Dakota Smith. Something about drones that were getting intercepted, nothing that involved too much trouble, or getting my hands dirty, just some intel and observation, mostly. I was glad, because I really didn't want to arrive at the dam all bloodied and battle-worn. But I couldn't sit still either, so small jobs were keeping me sane, and keeping my thoughts away from trying to imagine what was going to happen at the dam. 

I tried really hard to not assume anything. It's been a while since I'd gone diving, but swimming was pretty much like driving. Wasn't something I'd suddenly forget how to do... Besides, judging from the gear and approach alone, it seemed like Judy knew what she was doing, so she'd guide me, for sure. Maybe even take me by the hand, and then... I was being hopeless. Completely hopeless. I was glad it was almost sundown and I could start making my way to the dam.

As I got out of my car and approached a cottage with a small pier, I could see Judy. She was already suited up, sitting on the hood of a car, humming a song to herself. She seemed to be in a good mood and shot me a smile when I approached.

“Hey, V. Looking good,” she eyed me up and down, there was... a certain boldness to it. Almost as if the past few days gave her time to think about something and come to a conclusion... maybe?

“Hey, Judy. Thanks,” I smiled and joined her on the hood, leaning against it as I looked at her, “I try my best, despite everything,” I looked around, “So... why here?”

“You'll know in a sec. I'm really glad you came,” she grinned.

“Always happy to see you, you know that,” I replied, the tone of my voice turning oddly soft as I looked at her. God, she was so cute in the way she looked away for a moment. Maybe I was being too forward, “So how are things at Clouds? Anything new with the Moxes?” I cleared my throat and decided to change the subject. That immediately made her turn more serious... maybe even sad?

“Nothing new. Nothing worth talking about, really. And the Moxes are Moxes, still there, they sometimes piss me off,” she shrugged. Something was definitely off.

“Jude, are you sure you're okay?”

“Yes, V. I just don't want to talk about gangs, dolls, or the world going to shit, Arasaka, Militech, all that crap... can we leave it behind for now? Please?” she looked at me and I couldn't possibly say no.

“Alright. What's the sich, then? Why are we here?” I decided to agree with her. Besides, it was also what Misty wanted my chakras to do... if I recalled correctly.

“So, I found a way to scroll two actors' experiences at the same time,” Judy began to tell, going into details about isolating certain sensations and setting up two neural tracks. I didn't exactly understand all this, but it sounded intriguing. And she wanted to involve me in it, so I was definitely interested.

“Okay... And now that you're actually telling me a little somethin'-somethin' about this mystery plan of yours... why here, out of all places? Is that cottage haunted or something? Yours, by the way?” I didn't really think Judy was the type to have a summer home near a toxic dump, but then again, she was full of surprises.

“This cottage used to belong to someone I know. I use it sometimes... But that's not important. We're gonna scroll underwater. It's gonna be awesome, you'll see. So... are you in?” I could see that hopeful uncertainty in her hazel eyes. They were begging me to say yes.

“No, we're not going in there. Forget it, V. Let's just head back to the city,” was that... panic that I heard in mighty Silverhand's voice? Oh I could bubble with wild satisfaction at that realisation.

“Something the matter, Johnny?”

“Tell her to find some other yes-woman. Or get her out of that suit and hope she forgets about getting wet in other ways,” he kept on trying.

“Wow, you can be so disgusting sometimes...” I sighed inwardly.

“I'm being practical. Why do women always have to drag everything out? Are you even listening to me?” he shook his head.

I looked at Judy, “Hell yeah, I'm in!”

Johnny threw his hands up and turned around dramatically, “Why do I even bother?!” I recalled those were the precise words his own ripperdoc had said to him, decades before. Oh, how the tables have turned...

“Okay, so, get suited up and I'll set up all the things,” Judy moved from the hood of the car and up to her computer. I couldn't help but glance at her in that wetsuit. I instantly touched my skin above my upper lip. Thankfully, there was no blood coming from my nose. She looked incredible in that wetsuit. I wondered if there was some ulterior motive in her wearing that... and knowing I'd wear one, too.

I could always go behind Judy's van to change, not that I was a prude or anything... And we were both women. I really didn't have to make this more difficult than it appeared. I'd strip to my underwear and change into the suit while Judy was setting it up. No biggie.

“Do this often?” I wondered as I took off some of the outer layers and laid out the wetsuit.

“What, make other girls put on skintight wetsuits?” she quipped and I had to do a double take at her. She was smirking again.

“Meant diving,” I replied, aware that I was giving her a bit of a 'hobo in the headlights in Heywood at night' stare.

“As often as I can,” she confessed and turned back to the computer. I took off my trousers and socks and slipped into the lower part of the suit before proceeding to take off my t-shirt.

“As for the rest... I'm picky about my girls,” she said, almost as an absent-minded comment, but it was to make me slowly inhale and tell myself that I wasn't asleep and this was happening. She could have meant girl friends. As in female friends. Girls. Not girlfriends... I could try to curb myself. Or I could try to see how she responded to something similar. After all, I saw her in the corner of my eye, glancing over her shoulder as I was putting on the gear. I didn't say anything, I didn't feel like I had to. Especially that I didn't mind her glances. At all.

“You're looking pretty damn fine in that wetsuit yourself,” I complimented as I finished zipping up and walked up to her temporary BD battle station.

“Should see me in my MaxTac uniform. I won one in a bet. It's in my closet, waiting for the right occasion...” she gave me another one of those sheepish, yet not entirely innocent smiles, then looked back at the screen.

“Gonna hold you to that,” I nodded. The game was on, and I didn't even realize the moment she pulled me into the little exchanges. I was glad that the water was going to be cold, I needed a sobering factor, because I could feel my hands itch with the need to touch her and hold her in my arms. But we were about to scroll a BD together. I had to focus.

“Alright, we're good to go, I see,” Judy hummed and checked my gear, making sure everything was safe and working. We ran a few tests and made sure the hardware was fine, and then she put a BD scroller on my head, “Just don't descend too fast, alright? The currents oughta be safe, but let's keep close,” she said and briefly caressed my cheek. I nodded, shooting her a coy smile, “I'll be careful,” I assured her and she smiled, walking away to put on her own scroller and helmet on. I smiled and combed my hair to the side, so they wouldn't get in the way with the headgear on.

I jumped into the water first, Judy joined me after a moment, establishing a voice connection. I wanted to make sure I stayed focused, so I offered a subject that was less distracting but still very important. Besides, I was really curious about her response.

“BDs aren't just a way for you to churn out eddies, right? There's more to that,” I asked as I started to find my bearings in the water.

“Of course not. Paintings, music, all of that is supposed to provoke an emotional response. But braindances are so much more, they're emotion in near pure form. And that's pretty amazing, if you ask me. Recording those emotions, shaping them.”

I couldn't help to agree. The wetsuit and all the gear was pretty insulating, so I didn't feel how almost freezing the water was, but it was nice and cold, keeping my thoughts sober, as much as it was possible in her presence. I followed Judy as she dropped a few glow sticks, marking our path. We got to something like looked like an antenna, or some kind of a periscope.

“Okay, now we gotta check whether everything is working as it should. Circle around me, swim,” Judy said and I nodded before moving in a sort of a circle around her. I couldn't help but glance at her from behind and I could almost hear her amused giggle before she spoke, “Oh, someone's enjoying the view.”

“Because the view is great... But I better watch my oxygen supply. My ripperdoc told me to be careful and try not to wrestle sharks underwater,” I joked, making Judy chuckle.

“Alright, now come here, I'll hum a song and you tell me what the title is,” I nodded, knowing all too well that my humming wasn't very good. But I didn't mind, and Judy complimented me, the charmer she was.

“You ready?” she asked me as we both gripped the mast. I nodded and grinned, “I can't wait to see what you've been so mysterious about.”

“Prepare to have your mind blown. In the best of ways,” she sounded excited, and with the way we were synced, I could almost feel her smiling, even when I wasn't looking at her.

It was a surreal experience, to say the least. As we got closer and closer to the bed of the artificial lake, I realized that there was... a town down there.  
“So, what do you think?” Judy sounded proud of herself as I looked around, my eyes wide and my jaw dropped.

“Jude... this is incredible... What is this place?” I asked, not even trying to hide how amazed I was.

"Our own, personal Atlantis," she chuckled, then proceeded to explain, “Around fifteen years ago this was called Laguna Bend. It got bought out and flooded, so folk had to move to the city or live elsewhere,” Judy explained and let out a wistful sigh. I knew that this wasn't everything. There was more to this place for her.

“Did you... You grew up around here, didn't you,” I connected the dots as I took a better look around.

“Bullseye, V. Am I that easy to read?” she scoffed, sounding amused. But there was a certain kind of approval for my deduction skills, there, too.

“No, I just... somehow, I felt that this place means a lot to you. Must be the sync?” I admitted.

“Well, you're not wrong... This is my neighbourhood. Or at least, it used to be, a long time ago...” Judy replied.

“How come you never came here before?” I wondered, looking at her as I joined her, swimming a bit quicker for a second.

“I dunno... it never felt right. I didn't have the time, the scratch, the gear, stars didn't align... Besides, would be strange to come here on my own, or with some rando,” Judy admitted. Which by extension made me something more than a rando. I felt appreciated.

“Why bring me here, then?”

“This place is special to me. I have a lot of emotions related to this place. They're a mess. And the way you react to them will be pretty great for the BD, I think,” Judy explained. That was actually a brilliant idea. Not anything simple, but that girl set the bar high for her craft, and I adored her for it.

We floated around the town, much like astronauts exploring some forgotten ruins on an alien planet. Except it wasn't that alien. Judy told me about the burgers served at the local diner, next to the house where she used to live with her grandparents. I could almost feel a trickle of tomato ketchup run down the corner of my lips when she mentioned how they were the best taste of her childhood. It took me back to my own hazy memories of family meals, of special treats we'd get for holidays. Of how I sometimes felt alone, far far away from everything and everyone, even though I thought I was pursuing a dream, actually believing in something.

I heard ghostly echoes of children playing, some of them having exchanges with Judy, calling her by her last name... All those little moments that were familiar, but somewhere far, far away, yet intimately close, the moment her memories stirred. I could smell petrol, it wasn't an unpleasant aroma, but it was weird to feel it fill up my nostrils just because I could hear cars passing by and children playing in the street, the unmistakable sound of roller blades on asphalt... The conversation between Judy and another girl, the turmoil in her heart, how she wanted to be noticed, how she wanted the girl to be her friend...when in fact it was her crush.

That was a gut punch. My own puberty was a constant battle of perception. How would I know if a girl was being friendly, just a friend, how would I know she was being interested without scaring her away? Judy must have felt that, because she motioned for me to swim away and head towards the church. I found it amusing how she said it looked as if it fell down from outer space... perhaps we were astronauts after all, and this was an alien exploration op. Something about reliving Judy's days of innocence made me feel like I was a little kid again.

Judy told me about how the bell was cracked, and it had some sort of an atonal sound to it, and as she described it, I could hear it, too... It was uncanny, how her memories, her emotions were bleeding into mine. I could tell that this was a big deal to her. And I felt honored that she decided to share it with me, choose me as her companion for revisiting her past.

We found a side passage into the church, and Judy told me how she snuck in and stood at the altar, wondering how the padre could possibly know so many things about the different people, then began to check the acoustics. I couldn't help but smile and took a good look around the church. The altar, the pillars, the pews...

“V, what was that?” Judy gasped, sounding alarmed, “It... it sounded like a shotgun blast,” I could hear the fear in her voice. That made me realize that for a moment, I was back in Pacifica, and Judy's innocent childhood memory turned into my own recent nightmare of an encounter. The score I settled for Evelyn.

“This was... it was my memory. I'm sorry you had to hear that, Jude,” I said quietly, my voice shaking, “It what I wanted to talk to you about... But now I don't know if this is the right time. It's your memories. Your childhood.”

“V...? Did you... Please just tell me. I'm fine, now that I know it was just a memory,” she replied.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes, I'm sure. Come on, don't treat me like I'm some fragile princess that will faint at the news,” she sounded impatient, so I decided to share the news.

“I know who was behind the attack on Evelyn,” I said, looking at her for a reaction.

There was a moment of silence as she processed before looking at me. She wanted to know more, “Oxygen's almost halfway... Let's head back to the shore,” she said and turned around to head out of the ruined church, following the trail of glow sticks back from whence we came. Mostly in silence. I felt guilty for killing the mood, but the thing about synced emotions was that they couldn't be just turned off. And that memory was painfully fresh.

We resurfaced and sat down on the little pier in the suits, next to each other. I told her how I got to Pacifica, how I was given a really weird job by this guy who was contempt personified, with almost no deets on why I was doing it, how it turned out they were using me and gave me a virus. I told her about NetWatch, and how a fucking corpo helped me out of the VDB pickle. I told her about Brigitte, how I realized that she was the woman from Evelyn's scrambled recording, how the church was the same, and how something in Cyberspace caused the VDB netrunners to flatline.

“I could have just disabled him somehow, just let it go. But I kept seeing Ev, everything she went through, everything that happened to her... and I wanted payback,” I admitted, my fists clenching.

Judy listened, nodding at times, humming. She was processing, this wasn't easy for her. At that point I was pretty sure that I ruined what could maybe have been our first date. I almost started to think that Johnny was right.

“I'm tired. I don't wanna head back to the city. We should crash here,” she said finally.

“Stay where, camp out here at the shore?”

“No, V, at the cottage, here for the day. Or night, rather,” she said, looking up at the darkened sky.

“Sure, why the hell not,” I stood up and followed her inside.

The cottage didn't look as abandoned as I expected. It smelled clean, recently tidied, I think. There were blankets on the sofa and some packaged food on the counter... Judy had prepared for this. It made me smirk. Planning for different outcomes, was she? Shame I had to fuck it all up by shoving the story of my Pacifica adventure between our cute exchanges. Fuck, V. Such a talent.

“It's cold, I'll make us some coffee,” Judy offered, “How do you take yours?”

“Milk and sugar, please,” the morning ritual was supposed to be pleasant, not a mouth-contorting act of suffering.

“Going all in, huh?” Judy seemed like she was slowly moving on from what I told her. Or at least she sounded that way.

I felt that was the moment. I wanted to walk up to her and hug her, tell her something good for a change. The lights fizzled, making me think twice.

“There's an auxiliary generator outside, could you turn it on, please?” Judy asked softly. Almost as if she somehow knew what I wanted to do. We were still linked, and my heart skipped a panicked beat. Shit.

I quickly made my way to the generator and turned it on.

_Speaking of harm's way, do you know what I see when I look at you? Walking, talking corpses..._

The words Judy had said to Evelyn and me, that first time we met at Lizzie's, to watch the Konpeki BD. Why did they come to her? Was it because of what I had done? I rushed back to the cottage. Judy was nowhere to be seen, but the previously open bathroom door was locked. I knocked on it.

“Judy, are you alright? We're still synced, I heard you...” I said softly.

“I'm okay,” she replied, but it sounded very flat. I wasn't convinced at all. She unlocked the door and I saw her, sitting on the edge of the tub, she just got out of her wetsuit and looked... completely down-trodden for some reason.

“Judy, what's going on? I heard that thing you said to me and Evelyn...” I sat down next to her, concerned.

“Clouds has... gone to shit. Tyger Claw nonecks took revenge for Hiromi and the rest. There was a firefight. Tom's dead. Roxanne barely got out alive. House's closed until further notice. Rather not talk or think about it. I didn't wanna tell you... Wanted this to be just our day, I-I wanted...” she explained, and leaned in closer to me after the last few words. Oh, Judy... Poor thing. I reached out to put my hand on her shoulder.

“Why didn't you say anything earlier? I don't get it,” I gave her a pained look and moved my other arm, pulling her into a hug. She held onto me, shivering with anger and helplessness.

“What good would that have done? You'd just think I was blamin' you... Blame myself already. That's enough,” she broke the hug but remained close. I could feel her warm breath on my lips. I wanted her to be this close. Even closer. It was going to be our day.

“Forget it, Jude,” my hand moved to her cheek, cupping it gently, “You're right. That's enough. Let's make it our day,” I whispered, moving my hand slowly along her cheek and chin, touching her skin without haste, just happy to be this close to her. She exhaled and looked away for a moment, leaning into my touch. She moved her hand to my wrist, and for a moment I was afraid that she was going to tell me to stop, but she didn't.

We laced our fingers and she stood up, pulling me with her. We shared a smile, only confirming that this was what we both wanted, and that there was no place we could hide from it any more. Her fingers moved to the zipper of my wetsuit and she pulled it all the way down to then help me get out of it. I was shivering, but it wasn't from the cold. She led me to the bedroom, sheepishly glancing over her shoulder from time to time, as if I was going to disappear, as if she wanted to make sure I was still there. The only thing I could do was smile back at her. The bedroom door closed behind us, the rest of the world out there could burn, for all I cared.

Judy walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me. We glanced at each other's lips, we both wanted it. I hugged her close and she leaned in to kiss me. Her lips felt so soft on mine, I kissed back, keeping my eyes closed, just to savor this moment. We spent a few heavenly moments just tasting each other's lips without haste. It was pretty obvious that this wasn't where were going to stop, but the fact we didn't hurry made it all the sweeter. We helped each other out of underwear and ended up on the bed. The sheets smelled fresh and clean. Abandoned cottage my ass. She prepared for this... and I loved her even more for it.

The night wasn't the warmest, and we were both still shivering, not just from the dive, but from the building excitement. It was as if in that one moment, everything became clear and obvious between us, and a boundary was finally crossed. We lay down on the bed together, cuddled up, idly exploring each other's forms, drawing lines on arms and back, and sharing more and more kisses. Every one of them felt like it lasted longer, felt bolder, more certain. The cold quickly stopped being an issue, and we both knew we needed more.

I wanted to put my lips in the crook of her neck, feel her arch her back and hear her breathing pick up the pace as I propped myself on one hand and explored her body with the other. I traced the symbols on her skin with my fingers, every letter of every word that was inked on it, every red string of the web tattooed around her breast. I felt her hand on my shoulder, the other in my hair, keeping me close, urging me on. I leaned down to rub my nose against her nipple before let my tongue have a taste of it. I could hear her moan softly, it was all the encouragement I needed, I knew I was on the right track.

I kept exploring her ink until I reached the stocking on her leg, moving along it with my thumb before my hand slid up along the inside of her thigh. I wasn't impatient, but there was no need to wait at all, I could feel she wanted my touch as much as I wanted to touch her. Besides, I would do anything to hear more of those cute sounds she was making.

I took my time. My wrist rocked in a slow dance with her hips, as I carefully watched her reactions. She was beautiful... Sensual... Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were half-closed and she kept looking at me, nodding to let me know I should keep going. I did. The room shrank even more. It was just the two of us on the bed, making the most of our night. I thought I was going to melt when I saw her arch her back and close her eyes as I felt her find her release. I let her ride it out before I moved back up to kiss her and hold her close, rocking her gently in my arms.

We parted for a moment so she could light a cigarette. She took a drag and offered the cigarette to me. I accepted, making an exception for the occasion. It did feel like a lot of tension just left me, knowing how she felt about me, at least for this to happen between us, without unnecessary words. I took a drag and exhaled the smoke away from her, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her for more than a moment. She looked at me with this uninhibited affection, and I smiled at her, completely charmed, happy, and disarmed.

Judy moved to straddle me, making my heart skip a beat. This was hot, extremely hot. She could probably see my eyes go wide, but I was the last to complain about that development and moved my free hand to her hip. She leaned in to kiss me, then shot me a grin, moving to my neck, and further down along my body, until she nestled between my thighs, making her intentions obvious. Misty was right. Judy was the Magician.

The night became a blur of touches, kisses, and whispers. We held each other close, and gave in to the pent up need, over and over again. I imagined that, quite a few times. But I never thought we'd both make it so beautiful. Then again, it was with Judy. I should have known. We found sleep, tangled up, sharing a blanket and a newfound kind of certainty about what we had. There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt.


	6. Life is a noodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V wakes up after the night she had spent with Judy. Time for that inevitable morning talk... but what follows?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: And here we are! The events of Pyramid Song finally happened, but does that mean V. has learned to deal with her emotions or has become amazing at showing and actually letting them shine overnight? Now that would be too easy, but such is a merc's life. Shooting is easier than emotions, most of the time...
> 
> I'd like to really thank for everyone who left a comment/review! You are awesome! Honestly, the feedback keeps me going, and seeing people take time out of their day to read my fanfiction makes me smile. A lot. So yes, thank you. Now on with the show.

**Life is a noodle**

When I woke up, it took me a while to realize where I was and why. Of course, the old cliché about it all being a dream came to mind, but I shook my head, rejecting it. I sat up and smiled at my wet suit, discarded on the floor. I looked around the room, Judy obviously wasn't there, perhaps she was just in another part of the cottage, maybe freshening up or something. At least that was what I hoped she was doing.

What if she had her regrets? What if this was just... a one-off thing? I wasn't sure what it felt, we didn't exactly discuss any terms and conditions... I hoped that what we shared didn't scare her off. After all, I wasn't sure if I was output material. Especially after what Jude had been through.

I found my underwear and put it on. I'd have to change later, circumstances allowing. Judy didn't actually mention staying overnight in her mysterious 'briefing' for our underwater trip. Maybe I should have prepared better. I left the bedroom, Jude was nowhere to be seen so I headed outside. I couldn't help but sigh in relief as I saw her on the pier, enjoying a morning smoke as she gazed at the skyline of Night City.

“Hey, will you sit with me a while?” she greeted me with a smile, “Here's your coffee. Finally got to making it,” the cups were placed between us, strategically, so I didn't sit too close to her. Well, perhaps that would have been too forward.

“Mornin',” I said with a bit of a hoarse tone to my voice. I was just waking up, “Thanks,” I took my cup and cradled it, not drinking just yet.

“So... yesterday... What was that, exactly,” she gave me this careful, uncertain look, with her chin slightly lowered, watching me closely. As I took a breath to respond, she looked away, suddenly skittish to take a drag of her cigarette. 

“Don't remember, or you want me to remind you?” I smirked, giving her my first answer. A moment later I realized that she wasn't exactly in the mood for joking.

“Come on... You know exactly what I'm tryna say. What did it mean, like, to you?” she rephrased, putting more emphasis on the meaning of the night we had shared.

I took a sip of my coffee, taking a moment to pick my words carefully. Milk and sugar. She remembered... It was still nice and warm, so Jude can't have been up for that long. Maybe her stirring brought me out of my deep sleep and closer to the waking world. There was no way I wasn't going to fumble with however I wanted to say it, “Think it... I mean... I hope it was the beginning of something nice. Unless... you see things differently?” why were these things so damn difficult? I liked her, and I said it in way too many words. And then doubted myself, on top of that. Way to reassure the woman, V.

“Ugh... Can be such a gonk sometimes,” Judy shook her head, amused for some reason. I looked up at her, “Ruined my plans, you know that? Was gonna leave NC in the dust, for good. But now, I think... I think I gotta stay,” she smiled at me, and I could feel my lips curl up in response. 

“Oh well, guess I'll have to make it up to you, won't I?” I couldn't stop myself from grinning even if I wanted to.

“Hm... Yeah, that would be appropriate,” she nodded, and we were back to the flirty tone from the night before. So there it was... it wasn't a one-off thing for her either. But to make me her reason to stay in the city...? I wasn't sure if that was a good idea.

“Gimme your hand, V,” she said, pulling me away from my musings. I held out my hand and our wrists touched while her eyes lit up electric blue. I could see her uploading some biometric data for me.

“All set, congrats. Just gave you unlimited access to my pad,” she announced, still smiling at me.

“Whoa... asking me to move in?” I raised my brows, keeping my hand close to hers, idly tracing her skin with my finger.

“I-If that's what you want,” Judy hesitated, it was her turn to be unsure, “Or just drop by when the urge grabs you,” she added with a shrug.

I was surprised by this gesture. But I didn't want to seem ungrateful, not like she could read my thoughts, “Dunno what to say...” I was being truthful, no doubt there, “Nobody's ever done anything like this for me. Really shows trust,” I explained my perspective on receiving the key. It wasn't anything I was even remotely used to.

“I like you. Wanna see you lots. Way I see it, there isn't anything else to consider,” Judy's logic was simple and to the point. And I liked its efficacy, so I nodded in full agreement.

We sat together in silence for a few moments, drinking coffee and holding hands. It felt kinda dreamy, and maybe Johnny was right and I was all mushy inside because of Judy... But I wanted it. And enjoyed it.

“It's almost like that joke. You know the one?” I piped up, shooting a coy smile at her.

“Ummm no?” Judy raised her brow and tilted her head to the side.

I cleared my throat, “What do lesbians bring to their second date? Moving vans. Both.” I nodded. What a punchline, right?

“Ah-- oh, that one?” she chuckled and shook her head, pursing her lips for a moment, “Vintage as groaners go,” she said and looked back at the skyline. Night City made it incredibly easy for people to both love it and hate it. And in that moment, a bit further away from it, I hated it for what it did to me. For the situation it had put me in. At the same time, I loved it for letting me meet Judy. And for bringing us together. Maybe it wasn't all that bad.

“It's a nice place to start the day. Serene, almost,” I hummed and shimmied a bit closer to Judy, so we could hold hands more comfortably but still have the other arm each to drink coffee or smoke, “So quiet... no one here. I guess that's why you like it?” I wondered, though I wasn't entirely sure if I should disturb this morning silence.

“That, and you can just sit around in your underwear,” Judy joked and I could feel her eye me up and down with a smile. She must have approved of my choice of attire, which was quite similar to hers, at least in how much it covered. Her blue and purple shorts were much cuter than my undies, for sure.

I put my cup down and took Judy's hand in mine to share my key with her in return, “It might not be much... and my pad's probably not the most glamorous place... But whenever you feel like it, it's open to you,” I uploaded a key for her, smiling. 

“And it's not just to feed that cat of yours when you're out for two days after a few shots, right?” Judy teased me, referring to our last adventure at Lizzie's. It reminded me that I would love to dance with her again. This time without worrying that much.

“No, not just for that. But you make a good point,” I smirked, “And about that time when I had shots... They're not gonna let it go now, I can feel it in my bones,” I looked at the skyline.

“Yup, I know. Eddies are gonna change hands, I'm pretty sure,” Judy nodded slowly.

“What? Why?” I raised my brow at her.

“Come on... Rita, Mateo, probably even Suzie have been wondering. Some if, some just when. About you and me. I took a few days off so I could prepare the diving trip in peace because the high school vibe at work was just too much,” Judy confessed, taking the last gulp of her coffee. I finished mine as well, “So, are you free tonight as well? Or is it back to work?”

“I wasn't really planning on going back just yet, no. Why?” she looked at me, raising her brows. There was a hopeful smile playing on her lips, “Do you have places to be?”

“Well...” I moved a bit, so I could sit a bit behind Judy, propping myself on my arms so she could lean against me, seeing as I was a bit taller than her. Which in itself, made her even cuter, “Just here, if you don't mind,” I was so smooth, I was surprised she didn't slip into the water because of me.

At first she chuckled, but after a moment she settled against me with a soft sigh and guided one of my arms around her waist as we both found a comfortable position, looking out at the skyline of Night City, “Here is fine. Just great,” she said quietly.

“Yup, fantastic,” I agreed, closing my eyes for a moment to press a kiss to her hair. Somehow, my Magician managed to carve out a slice of pure peace and bliss from the crazy, violent reality of my life. I felt I could stop and just sit on the pier with her, watch the skies, think without haste, breathe without fear. I didn't even think about how much time we spent like that together, since the morning was nice and warm.

It wasn't even Johnny that stirred us from that reverie, it was my stupid stomach, demanding food. The growling sound it emitted almost startled Judy, “Shit, I'm sorry Jude, I should go make us breakfast. You got any food back there?”

She turned around and shot me a warm smile, “Yeah, just check the cupboards, V. I like the idea. Go make us some breakfast,” she emphasized the word and leaned in to kiss me on one cheek while cupping the other. I smiled and kissed her on that cute little nose, then captured her lips for just a moment, “Be ready soon. It won't top the breakfast you left me that one time I crashed at your place, but Chef V will do her best,” I nodded and moved to stand up. Quite reluctantly at that, because why would I go cook if I could sit on the pier and kiss Judy instead? My stomach reminded me why.

“Wanna eat here, outside?” I offered, seeing as the pier was kinda a nice spot. If you ignored all the garbage bags lining the coast.

Judy nodded, “It's nicer here, the cottage is kinda dark,” she added then smiled at me, “Curious what you're gonna mash up.”

“So am I. Wouldn't expect any preem high-end stuff if I were you,” I gave her a fair warning.

“You're making it. Sure it's gonna be nice,” she encouraged me and I shot her a smile before making it back to the cottage. There was still power, so I turned on the stove and found a pan before I began scanning through the cupboards. Some noodles... syn-meat... vacuum packed sugars snaps and corn... With some condiments, I could make this into a decent stir-fry, and that was exactly what I proceeded to do. I was generous with the sauce, but trying to not over do it, since I wasn't quite sure how spicy Judy liked her food. She could always add more herself. 

I managed to put it all together without burning down anything or hurting myself, but cooking in my underwear wasn't the best of ideas. Something I should maybe remember for next time. And maybe it wasn't the most breakfasty of breakfasts... but it's what I made and I was kinda proud of it.

I took two decently sized bowls filled with my masterful dish to the pier, together with some cutlery, “Stir-fry, merc style. Take it or leave it,” I set down the food, smiling at Judy.

“Oh I'll take it. I'm actually really hungry,” Judy admitted, “Plus we're more in brunch territory, so I'll have whatever you made,” she took her bowl and gave the food a sniff, “This is actually not bad... I'm impressed, V!”

“Try it, then gimme your opinion,” I chuckled and dug in, eager to get some kibble in me. And she was right, this wasn't half bad.

We ate, idly chatting about the joints in NC we enjoyed going to, the snacks we liked to get, favorite take-outs and such. All that time I was hoping that I had enough time to discover these things with her. Share them. Experience stuff before... the time came. And I didn't want to give up, of course not, but in the same way I was the reason for Judy staying in Night City... she was my reason to keep on fighting and defy fate with even more stubbornness than before.

“Ugh, look at this. So much sweetness I'd puke if I could really make myself feel sick. Two lovebirds and their dreams, looking at that fucking city while they could be burning it. At least there's a chance for your hormones to steady now, I guess...” Johnny sat down in my field of view, a bit further away from Judy. I was glad I still had some of the food left and I could reply to him in my thoughts while chewing.

“You wanted me to... seal the deal, it kinda happened, now I have a slice of my own happiness. What else do you want?”

“Now I need you to act, V. Mikoshi isn't going to destroy itself. Arasaka isn't going to magically implode while you're slurping noodles and other things.”

I wanted to slap the living shit out of him.

“V, you okay?” Judy wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked at me with concern, “You've gone into this kinda... murder-eyes mode,” she said, frowning.

“It's just Johnny...” I sighed and shook my head, “He's being himself. As long as I'm not him, I suppose it's okay,” I shrugged. Johnny smirked and lit up a cigarette.

“V...?” Judy tilted her head to the side, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Finally,” Johnny called out triumphantly, raising his arms to the sky in a gesture of gratitude, “Some fucking anarchy.”

Oh fuck. I told her about Johnny, sure. About the biochip. But we never really talked about... that. Shit. My appetite faded away and I sighed. How would I even go about telling her? We've just shared keys and now I was gonna drop this on her? She didn't deserve this kind of pressure. At the same time, I owed her this. I owed her the truth.

Judy's hand felt soft in mine when I gently laced our fingers together and looked up at her, trying to find words that were true but not too hurtful, “With enough time... It's likely, more than probable, that the construct will overwrite me. He'll take over,” I began, closing my eyes as I gave her hand a squeeze, more to reassure myself at this point, “I've got blockers from my ripperdoc. They work, but... You've seen me. The fainting, the nosebleeds. I'm not getting any better.”

“But there's still hope, right? You can... fix it, somehow?” Judy replied, her hazel eyes fixated on mine, holding my gaze.

“Of course, Jude. There's always hope,” I replied without even thinking too much, “I just... I hope I can do this in time. I hope I can still be me by the time I find the right option.”

“I'm... not distracting you, right? You could be out there right now,” she nodded towards Night City, “Hunting answers, finding a way to not... die on me. I want you, not some guy in your head,” she said, and the determination in her voice felt like a boost of energy. I would not fail her.

“Ouch,” Johnny shook his head, “If I didn't know better, I'd almost be a bit jealous of your temperamental new output,”

“Johnny please, not now. Fuck off,” I warned him and he decided to let me have that moment with Judy. I could always thank him later, not that he was really going anywhere.

“And I want you, Judy. I... with everything that happened, I didn't want to add to it with my... condition,” I confessed. I was hoping she would understand, “Fuck, I'm still making sense of it all. One day I'm a merc on a job, the next day I wake up in my own grave at a landfill...”

Judy looked at me with a confused squint, “Your own grave? You bein' serious right now?” it seemed the more I was trying to explain my predicament, the more I was actually making the whole situation worse.

“Yes. The fixer who hired me and Jackie... He decided to go back on his word. Shot me in the head. But the biochip... it brought me back to life. It's designed to take over people who are no longer alive. Makes the transition easier...” I frowned.

“Whoah. Imma stop you for a moment, V... You were dead?” she asked me, with that accusatory squint that I knew all too well.

“From what I know... yes. I even got a necklace made out of the bullet that Vik, my ripperdoc, pulled out of my head,” I said.

“Fuck, V... Are you a cat?” she asked, either we were both going crazy, or Judy had the weirdest way of processing such shit.

“I don't know. I wouldn't mind a few more lives... But I'm on borrowed time. Listen, if you prefer to think about this whole thing...” I started, but instead she leaned in to hug me.

“Shut up. I don't want to think about it. I want to live it. With you. Alive. And you're going to keep fighting, you hear me?” she demanded, I could hear and feel her tearing up against my shoulder, so quickly wrapped my arms around her.

“Jude...” I said softly. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to see her like that.

“Do you hear me, V? Are you gonna keep on fighting? For yourself... for me? For us? Whatever happens, don't give up. Whatever happens... each and every day we have, I'll take, and I want to make the most of, you hear me?”

This was almost overwhelming. In the best way possible. Judy's fire... No, fire wasn't her element. Judy was like a mountain spring, well, maybe more like a tsunami, one to quench all my doubts and uncertainties, one to reassure me, while it was me trying to reassure her. She was so determined, reminding me... who I was, before that fucking heist happened. I was hungry for more, I wanted to live life to the fullest, and I wasn't afraid. And now she reminded me, that I wouldn't be a slave to that fear. Not with a woman like her to remind me I was still there.

“I hear you, Judy,” I replied, loud and with a very welcome surge of confidence in my tone, “And I won't give up. I will keep on fighting.”

She let herself hide in my arms for a few more moments as her breathing settled and she sniffled away the last of her tears. I hated the reason for her tight embrace, but I was glad she found comfort in me and felt she could do it for as long as she needed. We were there for each other and now that we both knew what we wanted, it felt much less awkward to just initiate a touch.

“Okay... okay... And if there's anything I can do to help, you will tell me, right?” she looked up at me, her hazel eyes were a bit red. I leaned in to place a kiss on her forehead.

“I will. Just knowing you want me in your life helps a lot, Jude. I'll find a way. And then we can leave Night City together, you'll see,” I promised.

“I'm not leaving without you... so you better work on that solution... because I don't want to have to leave without you.”

“You won't. If anything, now I have no excuse but to work twice as hard on finding a way out of this mess,” I smiled at her, glad that she was no longer crying, at least.

“Alright. Now that this is settled... I'm gonna pack up, and you're going back to work. I'll call you later, V,” she kissed me on the cheek and moved to stand up, “Come on, daylight's burning.”

I gave herself an idle moment just to look at her. The spring in her step, the glint in her eye, the smile that was directed at me, and only me. I was in love. And dying was the last thing on my agenda.


	7. To steal from a thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V's lovey-dovey state of mind is getting noticed... and called out. She tries to find a balance between finding a way to save her life and spending time with Judy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: First of all, if you're still reading and waiting for updates, thank you! You keep this fanfic going by believing in me and reminding me that there are people waiting for it! I got a bit of work (which is good, everyone's got to eat) to keep me busy so while I will do my best to keep up regular updates, I will be a bit more busy IRL from now on. Keep fingers crossed for me! I'll do my best to reply to comments/reviews, so don't be afraid to reach out if you want to discuss stuff! BIG THANK YOU for a consultation regarding Japanese words and phrases to the wonderful people of Lizzie's Bar discord – Leivvi, space-age-pirate, and Zepsor.

To steal from a thief

Savagery. The idea of not sating hunger. Having to wait for the next meal in uncertainty. How did people even live in the times before coord-based drone delivery? It came in especially handy in the case of a long, uneventful lookout. We had some decent quality pizza and sushi delivered from a fancy joint in Downtown. To be clear, I had the former, and he had the latter. I felt the need to enjoy as much pizza in my life before I passed, within a weekly reasonable limit, of course, and Takemura refused to order anything which was not fresh or at least (to him) palatable, after his experience with a street vendor yakitori a few hours before. The whole thing actually began then.

We had met to discuss the next step in our plan and ended up spying on the top of a building under construction, overlooking the Arasaka Industrial Park in Arroyo. His plan was basically to infect the main float so, when the parade would actually happen, he could casually get to it while I take out security measures during the parade... And then go talk to Hanako Arasaka herself, the late Saburo's daughter. 

Easy as pie. First we had to get to the float, and those were stored at the Industrial Park, so we were up there, spending the afternoon scouting the area, watching the patterns of the guards and the bots... And then I'd simply have to sneak into the Arasaka warehouse, find the biggest float, and upload some shady software Takemura had found in Kabuki.

It was a plan, yeah, but I thought it was batshit crazy, to be fair, but Johnny believed I should see how useful Takemura could get before it was time to get rid of him. He was a corpo soldier, that Goro. And to his very core. But the more time I spent with him, the more I saw a decent, honor-bound man underneath all that fancy 'Saka chrome.

It was an odd experience, to say the least. Having to spend a few hours with him. Not a shot fired, no traffic, no other people, just a thief with rotten luck and a soldier betrayed by the family he swore to protect. He told me about how he grew up in poverty before being recruited by Arasaka. Trained from a young age, he showed promise and made his way up in the ranks. No wonder he was so fiercely loyal to them. Feeding a malnourished young body food while feeding the young, sponge-like mind ideas about who's in the right was a clear way to gain soldiers for life. 

It annoyed me, in a way. Arasaka this, Arasaka that. I reminded him that the damn corporation made me lose my best friend. I was still pissed off about that. Jackie deserved so much better. Takemura said something that I couldn't disagree with, even if seeing tiny Arasaka symbols on his chrome sometimes made me want to pick them out with rusty pliers. But he reminded that we both lost someone important that night. And that their deaths weren't right. And that neither of us was really over it at that point.

The way he talked about Saburo... protecting that man was his life goal, in a way. That insane cyber-grandpa who shook the world and ruled a good fucking part of it. A living legend from a past age, kinda stuck in it, but still in 2077, walking around in his traditional attire, making decisions that made or broke millions, overseeing the creation of unthinkable technologies... before he kicked the bucket that fateful night because his son strangled him.

It was so surreal, hearing Takemura talk about Saburo's favorite plums. I found it hard to believe that that guy even ate stuff, and didn't live on the lifeblood of the Earth's very core or something. Would have made more sense than plums, for sure.

We remained in silence for a while, both ruminating about our losses, when I heard a notification for a message. It was from Jude, and I couldn't help but smile.

Judy: [Heya, V]

Judy: [Starting tuning our virtu – got me thinking. We on for tonight?]

Judy: [Got no idea how much Im digging this right now. Splicing two emotive tracks together is super hard – theres a lotta noise I need to filter out for this to come out baby-soft, but the contrast in our reactions... I mean, it'll give you shivers. Don't even have to amplify the emotional tracks. N O V A]

We made it kind of a habit to leave the days for work and gigs but spend evenings together. Either huddled together, lazying about in a bath (Judy loved water, so the baths were at her place), watching stuff or listening to music through her audio processor... or just, well, who am I kidding, having a lot of fun on my big bed. The one she had at her place only lent itself well to a very particular kind of fooling around... a very pleasant one, too, if I were to be completely honest. Of course, we only did that if we both had time and sometimes we'd take the night off, because I didn't want her to feel to smothered with my presence... and some evenings I didn't feel that great, and I didn't want her to have to see that.

V: [Hehe, looks like someone's havin a good time]

V: [That's cute.]

Judy: [Cuteness has nothin to do with it, mi calabacita]

I responded with the first thing that came to my confused mind.

V: [Calaba-wha?]

Judy: [Nvm, nothing xD. So we on for tonight? Miss you]

V: [Sure we are. My place tonight? Got something I need to do but I'll be home after. Promise. Miss you too]

Judy: [Alright, I gotta go. Byeeee]

“V. V, don't make any sudden moves,” Takemura's voice, though usually like gravel, was softer this time, “Look, I think it's a bakeneko...” he gently nodded at a cat that was sitting on the precipice of the building, just cleaning itself, like it had all nine lives left.

Calabacita, bakeneko... I felt like I should be familiar with these terms, being a Night City native.

“A bakeneko?”

“A cat spirit. My grandmother used to tell me stories of them... and other creatures, like kitsune, or kappa. A bakeneko can be seen as a bad sign... it can raise people from death, some say. To see such a creature in this cursed city. I had thought there were only cockroaches here.

“First it was the birds, then the dogs... the cats actually held out the longest,” I mused, another message distracted me.

Judy: [Don't make me wait too long... And if you do, wake me? ;) ;)]

V: [Oh you bet. No more sleeping for you when I get home, all tired and longing...]

I nibbled on my lip and shook my head, barely stifling a giggle. Oh shit, I was talking to Takemura, wasn't I? I glanced at where the cat had been.

“Huh, seems the bakeneko got enough of our company...” I frowned and looked around. Nope, the mystical feline was gone.

“Perhaps. Or perhaps it had done its job of raising the dead,” Takemura quipped. I could hear some kind of odd satisfaction in his voice. Almost as if he was judging me.

“What job...?” I blinked at him a few times, obviously not following. I was alive, not like I needed an emergency hypo.

“To think you're such an... oodorobou... How ironic. Yorinobu let himself be fooled by a great thief like you,” Takemura shook his head, a rare smirk played on his lips. He called me a great thief...but something about his tone assured me he wasn't being too serious and that it wasn't really praise. 

After a moment, he spoke in Japanese, having more ease of expressing what was on his mind,  
“それでも、誰かに惚れさせられたんだ。(Soredemo, dareka ni horesaseraretanda,),” my passive translator quickly parsed his words into “And yet, you let yourself be charmed by someone...” and he wasn't exactly wrong. I just felt called out. By none else than the guy who thought Wakako Okada was a charming old lady, at that. Was I really being that obvious? No...

“And you think that... uh... why exactly?” I asked, decided to draw it out. He had an interesting way of phrasing himself sometimes.

“One does not simply smile like that when a fixer contacts them. Even on a... payday,” Takemura replied, “I have seen you angry, pained, distressed, and disappointed. And now I see you with your heart taken. But in a good way. It almost sounds too generous, such a fate for a thief, but I understand,” he mused, leaning against the unfinished railing. After a moment he looked down, and nodded to himself, as if agreeing with some kind of an initial instinct, “And I am happy for you, V. Let us hope that it will bring haste to our plans, and not impede them.”

“Whatever it does to the plans, it keeps me going, so I'm happy with that,” I replied. It was extremely odd to hear such a thing from him. Viktor, sure, Misty, too. But Takemura? Perhaps Arasaka left at least some 'ganic part of his heart intact. I nodded at him and smiled, “Thanks, Goro. It's nice to hear, though,” I added. He wasn't looking at me directly but must have caught my nod in the corner of his eye, because he inclined his head as well.

As we continued our vigil, I started feeling a bit impatient. Antsy, in the best of ways. I knew I was going to see Judy later that night, that we were going to spend time together in whatever way we both felt like... Just knowing I was going to be close to her without having to worry. That thought, looking forward to it, together with what Takemura had said, it made me conscious of something. Since that day Judy and I went diving... I had been much more careful, conscious. It was as if I valued my life a lot more, as if her words, her glazed over stare as she shook the will to live into my thick skull... it really had an effect on me. 

And I applied it in my approach to the Arasaka Industrial Park as well. I kept calm, methodically removed any security from my way, human or mechanical, and kept to the shadow, silent on my paws like the bakeneko's bipedal ninja cousin. I even put my recorder on, so Judy could watch it later. I thought that the thrill of it all, even if executed carefully, would be to her liking. Besides, it was incredibly cool, being able to show my 'work day' to her and know she'd appreciate the medium.

Takemura and I parted and went our separate ways for the night. I made sure none of the goons from the site followed me and after I knew I was safe, I decided to delta home. To Judy. It was already late, and I would have preferred if we had more time... but that was something that didn't just apply for that night. After all, talking to Hanako could provide beneficial for my case in some way, so I was working towards finding a solution. A way to win more time for myself.

The Atrium of H11 was never quiet. There were always people who worked later shifts and spent their free time hanging out with one another. The food stalls were open, ads loud... Just Night City at its usual. It was odd, because a lot of the times, I would come back from a day of gigs and everything and everyone just annoyed me. That night, my surroundings seemed vibrant instead. I found myself appreciating it. I saw the little things that often escaped my attention. Couples lounging on benches, kids playing. It was weird and beautiful at the same time, but it confirmed what seemed so obvious to everyone.

I entered my pad, as quietly as I could, in case Judy was asleep. I didn't want to call her on my way back either, so as not to wake her... too early. It was almost impossible to know whether a blockade, an accident clean-up, or a MaxTac intervention wasn't going to delay my return, but that night I was lucky. Judy wasn't on the sofa... she wasn't in bed either. I could hear her soft footsteps and I turned around, feeling my entire body burn up. She had just come out of the shower, not entirely dry yet, but she was perfect, with droplets of water sticking to her inked form, some of which she transferred to my clothes. 

We wrapped our arms around each other and stood there, smiling like gonks. I think we said hi around three times each, before we realized what we had been doing and had a fit of juvenile but completely understandable giggles.

“I didn't wanna fall asleep without you,” Judy confessed and reached up to comb through my hair.

“And now you won't have to,” I smiled at her and placed a smooching kiss on her forehead.

“No, but you're way too overdressed, V...” she pointed out, and I agreed with her completely. We quickly fixed that, before moving to bed. It seemed the plan for the night was agreed upon without too much discussion.

The following morning, some wicked forces kept us from getting up for longer than we had both initially planned. We agreed on taking a day in a week, if possible, to take things easy, grab a meal together, hang out. No guns, no BDs. Just the two of us. I liked those days, because I could spend as much time as I wanted, doing my favorite things. Like feeling Judy's thighs press against my ears, with enough strength to almost muffle all the wonderful sounds she was making. Almost. I wasn't in a hurry at all, and I lost track of time in the process. A few moments after I felt her arch her back, I could feel her grab my shoulder in a gesture that urged me to stop from the time being. It brought me back to reality and I looked up at her, smiling at me, her hair a mess and her breaths quick and shallow. I joined her and let her hide in my arms as she settled down.

We were still learning each other, but there was some kind of silent agreement between us that I really enjoyed. It was as if we both knew exactly when we felt like talking, and when we didn't, so awkwardness, so far at least, wasn't an issue at all. Sometimes we'd just lie there, listening to each other's heartbeats, sated for the time being, remembering that we were human and alive. Together, against all odds. No drug, no implant, no BD could replicate that blissful simplicity of being a happy animal, safe in its den. 

My musings on human nature were interrupted by a call. I sat up, blinking, since it wasn't really a contact that did that often. Was there an emergency?

I quickly pulled on a t-shirt and picked up “Misty... Something wrong?” the concern in my voice must have been palpable because Judy sat up as well and took me by the hand. I thought it was adorable.

“Hey, V...” I could hear my spiritual guide through Night City on the other side. She didn't sound too certain, “I hope I'm not disturbing. You okay?”

She didn't answer my question for some reason, “I'm fine yeah. Fine as can be, really. Timing's just right,” I dodged and shot a brief grin at Judy who shook her head and mouthed 'gonk' at me, “But I can hear things aren't exactly preem at your end. What's wrong?”

“Okay... Remember how I told you about... Mama Welles trying to adopt me?” Misty began, I nodded. It was a fairly recent conversation, and I still found it amusing, “Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, she invited me over. She even said she was going to make something without meat this time. Thing is... I'm not sure if I can sit there with her for hours, again...” Misty explained. I could see that sadness in her eyes. Hearing stories about Jackie, helping ease a grieving mother's burden while she had her own to process. It made sense that it would be too much even for such a golden hearted girl like Misty.

“I'm not entirely sure how I can help, though,” I frowned. Maybe my mind was still buzzing from having my ears kept so warm...

“Well, I know you're really busy. And I really wouldn't have asked but... Would you go with me to see her and share that meal? I think it'd make things... easier,” Misty suggested, in that calm, pleasant voice of hers. She was always such a sweetheart to me. I looked at Judy, then back at Misty.

“Uhm... would it be okay if I bring someone with me? Just one more person,” I asked, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling sheepishly.

“Of course! Yes! We could meet at El Coyote Cojo, in around two hours? I'm really sorry for the short notice, V...” Misty was both relieved and apologetic.

“Sounds good, sure. See you then,” I smiled. We said our goodbyes and disconnected.

“I dunno, V,” Judy clicked her tongue, “Seems like you've got women all over you from your waking moment today,” she grinned and nudged me playfully.

“Misty's... different. She works at Esoterica, that shop at Vik's front, you know? She gave me the blockers... and, uh, Jackie and her were dating. Was more than a year before... Konpeki,” I said the last word very quietly. 

Judy sighed, “I'm sorry... Jeez. I get it. I didn't mean to be funny about such things,” she muttered, shaking her head.

I hugged her close, “It's alright. It's kinda my fault Mama Welles is trying to adopt her. I convinced Misty to show up at Jackie's ofrenda... and told his mother to maybe start seeing her as the person she really was in Jackie's life, and not some rando. Worked better than I expected,” I confessed.

“So we're goin' or what?” Judy piped up with renewed enthusiasm. The part of her that was ready to jump up and help someone in need was clearly awake.

“If you want to, sure. Mama Welles is the closest thing I got to a parent. You ready for this?” I grinned at her, curious as to how she'd react to that challenge.

“Oh, that official, huh? It's on, baby,” Judy leaned in and smooched me on the cheek. Needless to say, it still had a bit of evidence on it from my earlier explorations. She didn't mind and licked her lips, I looked at her in understanding and acknowledgment.

“Shower first,” I agreed without further suggestion. We still had time, but there was always a risk of an in-flat delay...

***

We met with Misty, thankfully on time, close to the Coyote. I took my Quadra, as it had better security, and I didn't want to risk any of the equipment from Judy's van getting stolen if we left it in one of the local parking spots.

“Wow, she's a mood,” Judy said to me before we came into hearing range. Misty certainly had her own style, one that clearly communicated she forgot to care about what the city thought about her. I respected that. To me, Misty was like a beacon of some otherworldly, yet much needed wholesomeness in Night City. A treasure, but not like scratch, more like a favorite story, told from generation to generation, uplifting the spirits every single time.

I waved at her and we approached, holding hands in a pretty obvious way, only letting go so I could briefly hug the blonde before taking Jude's hand again, “Hey, Misty. This is Judy Alvarez, the best braindance editor in town,” I introduced her, blushing and smiling like I was still in high school, “And my girlfriend,” I almost giggled out, then proceeded with the second part, “Judy, this is Misty Olszewski, the proprietor of Misty's Esoterica, and a dear friend of mine.”

They shook hands, and it was clear they were from different worlds, in a way. But to be fair, so was I, a merc, just adding some more spice into this odd mix.

“Nice to meet you, Judy. V didn't tell me who she was bringing, but I could tell it would be someone special to her. It's been a while since I've seen her so radiant, and that is thanks to you,” the blonde smiled.

“Nice to meet you, too, Misty. V told me about you, but I have to say, I never really had a chance to visit that shop of yours,” Judy replied.

“Oh, we don't really get many clients. Most of them come to Vik's. Many don't really talk to me. But V always stays, even if only for a moment. It's rare, but it says a lot. And seeing her like this assures me that her good karma has returned... by weaving your paths together.

Judy and I shared a look. It wasn't exactly karma that did that, it was Evelyn Parker. And Jackie was a part of the heist she had planned.

“Fate or not, here we are now, and your cards were right,” I said, “Shall we?”

“Oh, yes, yes... Let's,” Misty nodded and began walking towards El Coyote Cojo.

“Cards?” Judy asked.

“Misty does tarot readings. She kind of...” Was this the part where I told Judy I saw kind-of-grafitti-but-not-really, and that one... that apparently was her card – the Magician, was right next to Lizzie's? No, that'd be creepy. Even for an Arasaka made Relic chip, “She told me, some time ago...”

“Oh, I didn't tell you anything, V. The cards spoke through me,” Misty corrected and I hummed in acknowledgment.

“The cards told me I would meet someone I might... develop feelings for,” I smiled at Judy and gave her hand a squeeze. She smiled back and hummed, “Oh I see... Well, thanks cards,” she said, “I'm not going to complain about that.”

We got to the apartment that was right next to the bar, with Mama Welles waiting for us in the doorway. She waved and offered us a brief smile. It was warm in her own kind of way, enough to be noticed by someone who knew her at least a bit.

“Did you warn her there were more mouths coming?” I asked Misty, she nodded.

“Oh yes, I just didn't say who it was, but I'm pretty sure she has a pot of chili stashed away somewhere, ready to be brought out for any occasion,” the blonde chuckled.

“ _Dios mio_ , V. I'm so glad it's you! I have prepared some _carnitas_ when Misty told me she was bringing friends... I didn't really think about it,” Mama Welles sounded a tiny bit self-conscious. Wow. Misty really did grow on her if she worried about cooking something the girl and her friends would enjoy.

“It's good to see you, Mama Welles,” I came up to her and hugged her, feeling a bear-like response from her. When she released me, her eyes gave Judy a curious once-over, “And who is your friend?” Ah, mothers. Mothers and their ideas about gal pals.

I introduced Judy again, in an identical manner. Hearing the confirmation from me and seeing more of our shameless hand holding, Mama Welles nodded, “Thank Santa Madre you have someone looking out for you, almost a miracle in this city. Just like Misty was for my Jackie. Come in, _mi hijas_ , the food's ready."

The interior of Mama Welles' house was familiar to me. It was pleasantly dim, yet it had a warmth to it. It was cozy, if I had to use one word. She had a couple of sofas and a smaller table against walls in what was a main room, next to a flight of stairs which led to the bedroom. We sat down, Judy and I on one sofa, Mama Welles and Misty on the other.

I spent half a year going back to that bedroom, exhausted and poor. The first weeks, at least. The path to the big leagues, however treacherous they turned out to be, was not an easy one. And we still took so many damn shortcuts. Judy's hand grasping mine made me go back to earth and cease my musings. I looked at her and she was almost purple from the effort, keeping a stone face, but from the devilish glint in her eyes alone, I could tell that she was doing her damn best to hold in laughter. 

I looked around in utter confusion. What was so funny? We sat down and Judy covered her eyes for a moment, rubbing her temples to try and steady herself. What was going on? I still didn't understand... She nodded at the table. I saw some sort of a stew. Didn't smell meaty, must have been for Misty. There was a variety of syn-veggies in it... corn, zucchini, tomato sauce? Maybe ketchup, I didn't really know. I could definitely smell some onions and garlic, too. I would mind trying that myself, at all. But why was it so funny?

“Misty, I really hope you like _mis calabacitas_ , no meat at all,” Mama Welles smiled.

Judy lost it and burst out laughing and hid behind me. She was shaking violently, I could hear her cry and wheeze, there was no way this could be salvaged, so I just gave Mama Welles an apologetic look as I tried to process. And then it hit me. _Mi calabacita_. V. The Scourge of Maelstrom. The one who stole from Arasaka. The most badass merc in town. Also a zucchini.

I took a breath, as if to speak, then cleared my throat. Judy was still wheezing behind me. I shook my head and simply took out my phone, holding it strategically so both Misty and Mama Welles could see the message from Judy.

Misty giggled and covered her mouth, at least she was being respectful. Mama Welles roared like a bear den mother and leaned back on the sofa, joining Judy in a loud, uninhibited wheeze-fest at my expense. My reputation was squashed, that much was sure. But to see them laugh, instead of crying over Jackie... to see them chuckle as we ate and talked, about anything, from food, to Laguna Bend (apparently Mama Welles knew some people from there, so Judy and her found a subject, too), to Mama Welles asking Judy if she wanted the recipe, so they could laugh at me again... That was much better than tears. It was a memory I would cherish until the end of my days, however many I had left.


	8. Gigs to pay the bills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V gets a lucrative job offer than can help her move things along with the help of a cure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, this update comes a bit later than usual, because work is making it difficult for me to write as quickly. But I'm still working on the fic and developing ideas, so the chapters will keep on coming! Thank you all for lovely comments and reactions, I am honoured to have readers like you <3

**Gigs to pay the bills**

“Whatcha smiling at, V?” Judy asked me from across the counter as we began eating our pizza and tried to not burn the roofs of our mouths. Not too much, at least. We settled at her place for the evening, and I was really happy about that, since I really liked the dim, intimate atmosphere her pad had at night, with the dim light, and the drawings on her walls.

“Oh, you know, just recalling the way you were laughing, back at Mama Welles' the other day. And how I was confused, and how it all was just...”

“Really nice? Yeah. I almost choked to death because of you,” Judy chuckled, taking her time to catch all of the melted, stringy cheese before properly chewing the piece.

“It was nice. And you look really cute when you laugh. All blushed and out of breath. Not that I don't know that look from other contexts but...” I smirked and she threw a packet of unopened hot sauce at me in retaliation.

I thought it must have meant that she wasn't exactly appreciating my compliment, “But hey, now I at least know what you called me. And what it really means. After showing them the text and having a bit of a proper explanation.”

Judy swallowed her bite of pizza and shook her head, “Kinda ruined my plan. Coulda kept you guessing,” she shrugged looked away, and I could see in that little move that having her little idea foiled had some true disappointment to it.

“Could have, sure. But what for?” I asked and took a bite of another slice.

“To keep it mine. Just between us. It'd mean it's my word for you. Just for you. Nobody else's business,” Jude explained and looked at me in a way that made me stop chewing and just gaze into her hazel eyes.

The way she said it. Was I hearing a bit of a possessive note behind it? Sure, we were growing closer together every day, and realizing how much I needed and wanted her in my life was filling me with a sense of dread at the same time, but this was different. Judy wasn’t someone who had an easy time talking about how she felt. Especially in a mushy, rom-com kinda style. So in saying that, she told me a lot.

“I'm still _tu calabacita_ , I said. No one's taking it away from us. Mama Welles and Misty both swore to that picture of Santa Madre in the living room to keep it a secret, so it's a big deal,” I tried to reassure her as best as I could. She squinted at me for a few moments, then got back to her pizza, finally smiling, as if in relief.

“You better be,” she warned, using that no-bullshit tone that she started using more and more to tease me with me as we began to sort of learn and read each other better. She smirked right after and looked up at me, showing she didn't mean it seriously.

“I dunno. If I'm not, will the MaxTac uniform come out?” I asked, grinning at her.

“Told ya. That's for a special occasion. Not for your everyday gonkin' around,” Judy quipped.

“Well, I either gotta start doing really well... or be really, really bad, I guess,” I shrugged and focused on the meal, deciding to not tease her any further. My mind did wander, and I was pretty sure she could see that.

“Maybe one day I'll just surprise you,” she switched to that slow, almost purring tone that made me weak in the knees.

I suddenly really needed a good gulp of my drink to even think about replying. Judy saved me from the effort and offered a swift change of topics.

“Got a message earlier today. You're not gonna guess who it was from...” she took a bite, looking at me with interest.

“Uhh... I dunno, Arasaka wants to hire you?” I shrugged, ready to dodge another packet of sauce.

“Nope. Peralez. That name say anything to you?” she wondered, carefully watching my reactions.

“Yeah. Screams at me from every second billboard. Some kinda corpo? No, wait. Politician?” as if there was a difference anyway. Corpo may have had a bit more power in town, would be my guess.

“Yup. Jefferson Peralez is running for mayor. But his wife sent me a message, looking for someone who's decent in fishing things out of raw braindances, an investigator for some super secret kinda thing,” Judy shrugged, “I haven't replied yet.”

“Did she mention the eddies?” I asked. I still needed something of a buffer to pay Rogue so I could try and find Hellman, so every little bit counted.

“Nope, but these people are loaded, V. And if it helps you find a cure, I mean...” she looked oddly self-conscious, “I'm not trying to tell you what to do here... just...” she paused and I nodded.

“It's okay, I'll take the job. I mean, tell her about me,” I smiled at Judy, she was visibly relieved.

“The quicker I start on that, the better. Probably some high-society power games or whatever,” I shrugged between bites, making quick work of my last slice. Judy's appetite came back after those moments of uncertainty and we were soon sipping on our colas.

“I'm beat... Wasted some Scavs today. I could use a nice bath...” I stood up to stretch and I could see Judy eyeing me up and down.

“Would love to join you. If you're not too beat up and sore, that is,” she offered. I smiled wide and nodded, I couldn't possibly hide my enthusiasm about that idea.

“Think I'll manage. Wasn't too bad anyway” I replied and began cleaning up after our dinner, taking care of the pizza box and the empty cans. Even if I was sore from the day, a warm bath in Judy's company was all I needed to remedy that.

Jude went outside to have a cig, I made my way to the bathroom. I ran the tap and began undressing, checking for any particularly gnarly wounds to clean or use the SkinStapler on before Judy could see them and worry too much.

“I replied to Mrs Peralez,” she said when she came into the bathroom and smiled at the sight of me in underwear.

“Great, now let's leave her by the door and just wind down,” I smiled. It was as if we developed this little ritual. Whenever we were at her place, we'd sit on the edge of the tub, without words. We'd just hold hands, caress our arms, trace each other's cheeks or jaws. Kind of like we did that night at the bungalow after diving. It became our way of slowing down, forgetting that I was on the clock, at least for a moment. Our little spell to be protected against the insane tempo of living in Night City.

Sometimes we'd just lie down in the bath, me first, Judy with her back against me, using me as her 'gonk-pillow' as she affectionately put it. We even fell asleep like that once. Sometimes we'd sit facing and idly washing each other. It was never boring or weird when I was with her. It just felt right. Comfortable, in all possible ways.

Little droplets of steam began to cover the tiles, turning the bathroom into something of a sauna. I closed the tap and we both undressed, getting into the bath. That day we opted for just facing each other. It was smart of her, because it gave my quickly aging bones some opportunity to rest, meaning I could still be of use for something else later that night...

Judy enjoyed doing the little things, like washing my hair or combing it after we were done with the bath. And I loved the sensation of her fingers on my scalp, massaging all my worries away.

It wasn't just because she had the dexterity of someone whose weapon of choice was a keyboard. It was the softness and affection of it that made me feel like her touch was... helping me stay myself, for just a bit longer. Just enough to get this sorted so we could enjoy life without me having to fear losing my mind. I would not dare fail that wonderful woman, if I had any say in my fate.

The bed at Judy's pad was laughably small. We talked about at least getting a bigger mattress a few times, but since the idea of leaving Night City was still on the table, and there were other, more pressing issues, we had to come up with another solution. And that solution was Judy sleeping on top of me, shielding me from nightmares, soothing me when they somehow managed to get through.

I kept my arms around her tightly, rocking her back to sleep, whenever she woke up in cold sweat, shivering, weeping her apologies to Ev. In turn, she stroked my cheeks and pepper them with kisses whenever I woke up cursing Dex or begging Jackie to keep talking to me. Whenever that happened, we'd sometimes end up with a rough, sleepless night, but it made a world of a difference that we didn't have to deal with our demons on our own.

The following morning we were having some kibble, getting ready to start the day when a contact I wasn't quite familiar with popped up on my holo. The face said it all. Well-styled hair, impeccable make-up, a look of determination. Must have been Elizabeth Peralez. Turned out I was right. She gave me coords to meet them, it sounded urgent. Then again, with people like that, slow mode was never an option. I told her I'd be there as soon as possible.

“Well, looks like I'm gonna have to go,” I sighed and walked up to Judy to hug her close and kiss her. The mayoral candidate would surely understand that.

“Just be careful, alright? If it's too sketchy, don't take it,” Judy pleaded with me, keeping her hands laced on the back of my neck.

“Course I will be. You're way too cute for me to die,” I decided to use A-grade logic to combat her worries.

She scoffed and leaned in to kiss me instead. I assumed it was a more pleasant way of her saying ' _No, you'_. Besides, any reason to feel her lips on mine was fantastic enough, if a reason was even necessary in the first place.

My lips somehow found their way to Judy's neck and I could hear her soft sigh as I felt her pulse with a brush of my tongue, “V... I hate to be the one to say it but...”

“You're right... We'll have more time for this when my head is fixed,” I closed my eyes and buried my face in the crook of her neck for a moment. We rocked together in a cuddle, both reluctant to break the embrace, but eventually I pulled away and smiled, “See you tonight? My pad?”

“Sure. Hope the job is easy eddies,” she smiled back and got back to her preparations. I grabbed my gun and headed out to the location Elizabeth Peralez had sent me.

I could tell the car was theirs at a good distance. Didn't get much high-class than that. I even got to shake the possible future mayor's hand, lucky me. The job seemed simple. They wanted to know how Lucius Rhyne had died. The screamsheets claimed that he died in his sleep, because of heart failure. Of course, it was more standard to die of something like a fatal case of lead poisoning or an even less sophisticated assassination attempt, but Rhyne had it easy.

These people had ways of getting things. Especially if they wanted to confirm something they believed. They had borrowed a raw recording for a day, just it could be analyzed. It was a supposed attempt on the mayor's life, some cyberpsycho waltzing into the city hall. Péter Horváth, a waddling mess, humming a tune while readying his mantis blade. Creepy, even by psycho standards, I'd say. Oddly enough, moments before the psycho got there, a cop came in. Some Detective River Ward. The whole thing looked sketchy, and according to the Peralezes, Ward was the guy to talk to further.

After a brief call, he agreed to meet up with me at a joint called Chubby Buffalo's. My first thought when I heard about it was Flo's Diner in Laguna Bend. Maybe the burgers at Chubby Buffalo's were nice? It was kinda close to water, too. Could take my girl there at some point, if she felt like it. I smiled to myself and shook my head. I needed to focus, at least a bit.

Ward was a cop to the bone, even sitting across from him made me feel like I've done something wrong. Not to say that I hadn't done many things wrong in life, and some of my day to day activities were certainly questionable. What was even more unsettling, he seemed like a good enough guy. Considering his profession, I was surprised he was still alive in this city. He was on board with the Peralezes when it came to Rhyne's death. Something was off there.

I recalled that in the BD, Rhyne mentioned a place called Red Queen's Race, and an arrangement he had there that evening. Oddly enough, it didn't ring a bell. Then again, the mayor himself having a favorite dive probably wouldn't be good for his polls. I asked Ward if he knew anything about it, and he didn't. But he knew a guy who might. There was also Horváth's employer, apparently the closest he had to next of kin, at a market in Japantown.

We had two avenues to try, and we went with the latter, first, though something told me that the cyberpsycho was something of a plan B in whoever was trying to get rid of the mayor. That, or I was just taking on their collective paranoia. I even decided to ride with Ward. He wasn't Jackie, even if we were temporary partners. Then again... I didn't think there was really anyone out there who could be a true choomba like he had been for me.

Horváth's employer didn't tell us much. Only that he had a tendency to rant. Obviously, at some point something must have short-circuited in the guy's head, because even his employer didn't sound like there was any hope of recovery for him. It still didn't explain who gave him all that chrome.

Next stop was Ward's CI in Vista Del Rey. I was glad the cop was driving, it gave me time to update Judy on my day. Not that I had to, but a message or two from her always brightened up my day.

V: [Hey you, job seems easy enough so far. Your day alright?]

Judy: [Hey, V. It's okay. It's okay. Same old. Lots of smut]

V: [At least you're getting entertained, right? Better start thinking what you want to eat tonight]

Judy: [Hmmmmm]

My brows raised, I chuckled and shook my head.

V: [Oh I see how it is. Keep hydrated, work's making you hella thirsty I see]

Judy: [Thirsty for youuuuu ~~~]

V: [Well if we can't decide on dinner, I know what I'm havin ;);)]

“What's so funny?” River asked, clearly too curious to not ask about my giggling. I could have been a bit more polite, but I didn't want to accidentally steer the topic into anything that might incriminate me in his presence.

“Oh, I was just talking about dinner arrangement with my girlfriend for tonight,” I explained in with a shrug, not seeing a reason to keep that a secret. My girlfriend. That sounded so nice.

Ward frowned for a moment, then nodded, looking back at the road, “Oh, you guys roommates or something?” he asked, but I wasn't sure if he was desperate or oblivious.

“No, we're girlfriends. Partners. We're gay, detective. That a crime?” I challenged, deciding to make my tone decisively more blunt.

For a moment, he looked like a kicked puppy. Like I insulted him personally for some reason. I realized he had been subtly eyeing me this whole time, checking me out like anyone would really do, if they were trying to show interest. But when I assured him that Judy and I weren't, in fact, mere roommates, I think I may have rid him of some hope. Too bad, choom.

“That CI of yours. Is he reliable?” I offered a quick change of subject, we both needed it, stat.

“Should be. Bit of a skittish type, but he talks when you use the right methods. Works at a sex-shop, we're almost there,” Ward stopped partly on the side walk and I got out of his pickup truck to go talk to the CI.

Unsurprisingly, the moment I mentioned Igor, the guy tried to delta through the back door, going into full panic as if it was Arasaka that had sent assassins after him. Ward and I cornered him in the alley. It took being face to face with the barrel of a revolver and a punch to get him to talk, but he finally sang. The Red Queen's Race was somewhere in Bonita Street area. Tough break. Animal turf. But I managed worse, so I could do that, too.

Once we got there, it was time to take a look at the warehouse and the surrounding areas. Just as I suspected, even with overgrown guards posted around, there was a way inside through the maintenance tunnels. The place could have been easily overlooked as storage space, indeed. But Ward had his hunches, and we had his CI's detes.

It didn't take long to find a container that was somehow different. Namely because it had an elevator door at the other end. The entrance to the Red Queen's Race. Going down there seemed like a descent into neon hell. Red, pink, blue, purple, all those lights forming one big gradient in the palette of whoredom. It did its job relatively alright, distracting prospective patrons from graffiti and the more decrepit elements of the secret club. Hell, they even had a big, red neon crown in the lobby.

Ward suggested finding an office, it was our best chance at finding some hard evidence, like a scroll from a camera or something. We split up, like we did in the market, remaining on the holo to keep in touch.

I saw a gangoon in one of the booths, eyes closed, a BD wreath on her temple. I don't think she saw me, so I moved along to the next booth. I didn't make it, because someone grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and threw me against the padded wall. I guess she wasn't in the BD yet... or it was an actual Animal with some smarts to them.

I was really glad for the padding, but when gravity pulled me back to the ground, I felt a boot to my ribs, no mercy whatsoever. That hurt. A fucking lot. In the extremely painful moment where I wondered whether my lungs got punctured in the process or not, I forgot to breathe and tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't even want to imagine what it would have felt like without pain inhibitors.

The next kick was to the side of my head, making my vision swim and blur. I was lucky the gangoon didn't stomp on my face. That would have been a really shitty end to my career. I hoped the Relic wasn't damaged any further... Fuck, so many things trying to kill me, I shouldn't even be leaving the pad. If I was going to die because of that gangoon... Judy. I couldn't fail Judy. I promised her I wouldn't die...

I reached to my gun with shaky hands and aimed. A few bullets made the gangoon move away, but didn't stop her from keep on trying to kill me. Fucking integumentary implants...

I began to crawl away, effectively backing myself into a corner. That was when Ward stepped in with his revolver and finally blew the Animal's head off. I sighed. Now we were in for more fun since more of them were surely going to come after us, but at least we could both concentrate fire on them.

A few pounds of bullet casings later, the Red Queen's Race fell quiet again and I could finally wipe my bleeding nose. I felt woozy, my ears were ringing, and I regretted going out the door, but I still had a job to do. We managed to find the office, and that was when the real star of the show came out.

Turned out that Ward's choom from NCPD helped cover up Rhyne's death. Either it was a really spicy BD that got him... or something else in that booth. We had to check. It made me wonder just how deep Ward's partner, detective Han, was in this stuff, since he just casually ordered Animals around as one of them dragged Rhyne's lifeless body from the booth. At least we had some hard evidence.

I found the booth where Rhyne had been that night. Oddly enough, the wreath was still there. Without thinking much, I grabbed it and out it on my head to play out. This whole case was pissing me off. I signed up for solving a politician’s whim for big eddies, not being beaten up by Animals. I wanted to see what killed Rhyne and be done with it.

That was a mistake. I was still feeling dizzy and confused from the altercation with the Animals, I could see beams of bright lights in front of my eyes, like some freaky ocular implant malfunction. The moment the BD began, I felt an electric spike of pain go through my head, like a bad netrunning trip with a faulty deck. I thought I was going to flatline there and then, with a mass of colours and shapes forcing themselves into my consciousness, overwhelming every other thought of sensation to the point where my already divided brain had trouble keeping up.

My scream must have alarmed Ward, because he came up to me and pulled the wreath from my head, throwing it to the side.

“V! What’s going on?! V, are you still with me?” he kept asking as he helped me sit upright after I slid from the spot on the sofa and curled up on the floor. I couldn’t exactly reply, because I felt so sick that I couldn’t stop myself from vomiting on the floor right next to him. The dizziness was too much, and my consciousness in a very uncertain state. I was pretty sure that if this wasn’t death, it was damn close to it. Judy… I couldn’t fail her. I had to live. Damnit, I had to pull myself together… I wanted to…

The next memories were hazy. Some didn’t even make sense. I remembered being buckled up in some car. For some reason Ward was saying Judy’s name… and mine, too. And then something about my Megabuilding. Why would he be talking to Jude about where my pad was? For some reason, it was where I woke up. I felt the familiar sting of a MaxDoc lingering on my skin. Must have been recent.

I was in my bed, in one of my oversized t-shirts that I slept in, and underwear. I didn’t recall undressing. All I could really focus on was a massive headache and the wonderful feeling of analgesic bandages around my chest. I very carefully rolled to my other side, groaning.

Judy was sitting on the edge of the bed, she gasped and looked at me, sniffling quickly to hide she was on the verge of tears, “You’re awake, hey…” she whispered, beaming a smile at me.

“Hey… sorry I missed dinner,” I replied, reaching out to touch her hand. She took it and moved to lie down next to me, facing me.

“It’s okay. Scared the shit outta me when that cop called me from your phone and then brought you in, all cross-eyed,” she said, frowning, “Glad he did, but…” with a sigh, she shook her head and closed her eyes, “Don’t scare me like that…”

“Doing what I can, Jude. Part of the job,” I tried to explain in the least possible number of words. Thinking wasn’t doing me any favours at that moment.

“I know.... I know… Doesn’t stop me from worrying,” she confessed, “Was it at least worth it?”

“Ward’s got a lead on something. I got info for the high rollers… Gotta call’em.” I frowned. Shit. They probably wouldn’t appreciate having to wait. Might cut my bonus or something.

“You can call’em. But you’re not driving anywhere. I’ll take you, if you need it, but damn… Think you’re concussed or something. It almost fried you, some BD he said?”

“Serves me right. Your stuff is the best,” I tried to joke.

“At least you still have your amazin’ sense of humour, V,” Judy smiled and leaned in to kiss my forehead. She was too good to be true. And I felt, even in that sorry state, that I could conquer the world with her.

With her help, I managed to show up at the Peralez residence in a fairly acceptable state and present my findings to them. They seemed more than satisfied with the things I’ve found, and I in turn with the sum I got for it.

It was time to speak to Rogue and find Hellman. I was still in the fight.


	9. The road less traveled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V gets information from Rogue about Anders Hellman and pursues that lead. She meets Panam, and they bond in the weirdest of ways. V has to deal with disappointment, but gains something unexpected instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you saw in the last chapter, I won't be focusing much on rehashing game content, but rather expanding on things, adding stuff that I'd love to see. Again, sorry about the late update – but the good news is that my work project is going well. Thank you all for understanding :) I am slowly building up Snapshots to lead into a post-ending fic, and I have a few ideas that might slightly differ from canon, but we'll see how that goes. Thanks for staying tuned! A special shout out to u/Mu51c4lB0x from the FollowersOfCyberJudy subreddit for PMing me an idea that came into fruition in this chapter. Thanks, choom!
> 
> A huge THANK YOU to [Hexpresso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/corchen/pseuds/Hexpresso) for creating amazing fanart of this chapter! I am beyond honoured <3 I've managed to embed it in the chapter text, hope it works!

  


**The road less traveled**

****  
  


Meeting with the 'Queen of the Afterlife' made me wonder, for quite an unnecessary amount of time, about how people change with time, given enough of it. In a place like Night City. Even Johnny made the odd comment about her being stone cold, possibly not in the possession of all her marbles. 

Marbles? Who had the eddies for such expensive materials? Actually... wasn't that something you could only see in a museum BD? I was clearly missing some obscure reference to a world I had no way of knowing... And when Johnny made such comments after being initially overjoyed and... oddly enthusiastic at seeing Rogue after all those years, I felt oddly inclined to agree with him.

It was clear that Rogue knew how to get shit done and how to get the deets on anyone or anything she needed, and in a very short time, too. She was worth the price, even if there was not much hospitality about her. I learned that the guy who basically created the whole Relic technology, or at least had a great understanding of it, Anders Hellman, jumped ship to another corp, and they were going to try and move him to a different facility. So if I wanted to have a chat with him... I'd just have to take down a Kang Tao AV, get rid of security, and then punch that smart-ass until he began to talk.

It wasn't the kinda thing I'd do alone, so Rogue, the Night City chess champion in her free time, set me up with a rebelious Aldecaldo... She was an interesting acquaintance. Bit of a big mouth with an attitude, but something told me there was more to her than just all bark. It was already late, and Panam was on a bed hugging the other wall of the small room. My new Nomad-but-not-anymore-partner, Panam Palmer. I had to help her in order to get her to help me. That was how Rogue played it out at least. Panam was a bit of a short-fuse grenade, at least from what I gathered from the time we spent together, but smart in a pragmatic, lethal kinda way.

I helped her get her ride back, wasted some Raffen Shiv in the process... then we sent some more to the ground, clearing through their hidey-hole in some unfinished tunnel... or maybe it was a mine shaft. I wasn't entirely sure. What I knew was that those guys were well-trained. Disciplined. Something about them made me feel like they really earned their name. Wraiths. Especially considering their reputation for attacking at night, harassing towns, and generally being a fucking menace. Panam explained to me that Raffen Shiv were the scum of the earth. Murderers, rapists, criminals, no better than a pack of rabid animals, preying on anything they could find.

I felt very little to no remorse for killing them. Sadly, Panam said that the Raffens always found ways to regroup, dust off, begin anew. Like cockroaches.

My musings on the less desirable elements of society (like I was an upstanding citizen in any way, shape, or form) were pleasantly interrupted. And I needed that little slice of happiness in that moment.

Judy: [Yooohoooo]

Judy: [Know what rymes with judy? BOOTY uh-huh uh-huh]

Judy: [your so cuuuutee]

At first I was concerned. Did someone take her phone...? Was she okay? She knew that I wasn't going to be back for the night, because of the Badlands business... but I didn't think she'd miss me that much. That would have been pretty gonk of her.

V: [Hey... you OK?]

I had to wait a few moments for a reply, it seemed like she was struggling with typing for some reason.

Judy: [Just out wit some ferns. frieends.]

Finally, it made sense. Seemed like my lovely girlfriend took the me having the audacity to spend the night away from NC as a signal to get shitfaced... I just hoped she was safe. And was having fun.

V: [Definitely drunk]

Judy: [Weeeeeell... maybe jus a littl bit?]

I couldn't believe it. I actually found that adorable. Judy, the genius BD editor, the most sought after expert in her field, always quick to quip and smooth with her words. Completely smashed and telling me I was cute. I shook my head and giggled.

V: [Pics or it didn't happen]

V: [You could at least send me some stills]

I waited a few more moments, gazing intently at my phone. Finally, an answer arrived. It took me a moment to decode.

Judy: [><(((*> … fine, knock yourself out :D]

What in the fuckity was that, even? It kinda looked like one of Jude's tattoos... Oh right, yeah. Must have been a fish or some other underwater creature, judging by the tail fin...thing. I wasn't very knowledgeable about fish, to be completely fair. We killed them all, as the superior species.

“Everything alright, V? I was about to doze off,” Panam turned to face me, a slight squint of concern on her face.

“Oh yeah, s'fine, sorry. Just messaging with my girlfriend. She's having a night out with friends... definitely more than two Brosephs, though, so a lot wilder than the party at Sunset Motel,” I chuckled.

“Is that the one you mentioned when I asked if you have anyone close to you?” Panam propped herself on one arm.

“Yup, the one and only. I'd show you a still, but I'm not sure if you're into soppy shit like that,” I shrugged. I wasn't exactly sure why I offered, but something told me that Panam wasn't going to laugh at me for doing so.

“Are you kidding me? Of course I do! Let's see who's crafty enough to wrap a merc like you around her finger,” she grinned at me and looked at my phone, waiting for me to produce some photographic evidence.

I quickly found my favorite pic of Judy. Took it at my pad. She had Nibbles in her lap and a burrito in the other, trying to keep the two from interacting at all cost. She was looking up at me with this Really, V? kinda smile while I took the picture.

“Awwwh... she looks badass. Wait, is that a Mox tattoo I spot? Well now, now I understand your taste for danger, V,” Panam teased me.

I shook my head slowly, “She's with them, yeah. And she can be... temperamental,” I remembered the word Judy used to refer to her own grandmother. It was telling but diplomatic enough, “But she's got a heart of gold. Too good for this city, really. Been talking about leaving together,” I admitted, not entirely sure why I was pouring my heart out to Panam. Who would have known you could bond with someone over killing scummy gangoons.

The Not-so-Aldecaldo looked at me for a moment, considering her words carefully. I could tell she wanted to say something, but decided not to, eventually. At least not for the moment.

“What's her name?”

“Judy. Judy Alvarez,” I scoffed at myself and shook my head, “Damn, I really like her, you know?” somehow it felt almost cathartic to confide in Panam. I had this idea she'd just understand.

“I can see that. I can definitely see that. I hope things work out between you two. Alvarez. Could be a decent name for an Aldecaldo” she nodded slowly, adding the second part of the sentence with a light shrug. I raised my brows but she didn't elaborate. It did make me wonder if life among the Nomads was something that Judy might remotely consider... “You should definitely get some sleep, though. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and I need to sleep on my ideas on how to get your Corpo guy.”

“Night, Panam. Thanks for listening,” I said quietly, smiling at her before she turned around and wished me a good night as well.

I was pretty sure I was going to be able to fall asleep without trouble after a long day of running errands and killing a lot of people just to find that one Hellman guy. But then I got another message from Judy. I carefully lifted my phone, since Panam was already snoring audibly.

Judy: [V is my fave letter]

Apart from a message, there was a still included. And certainly not one I was expecting. A shiver ran down my spine and my throat suddenly became completely dry. 

She was looking right into the lens of her phone camera, holding it up with one hand. She had her chin raised and her hazel eyes half-closed in a kinda challenging expression. Her cheeks were flushed, with warmth and alcohol alike, there was a sheen of sweat on her skin. With her other hand, she made the letter V with her index and middle finger, placing her palm to her mouth, so the digits were on either side of her lips. The tip of her tongue was poking out between her fingers. 

I stared at the picture for a few moments, completely forgetting to breathe. If anyone else had done it, I would have thought it was a bit too... cheap and stereotypical. But seeing Judy do it, the way she posed and executed it... Besides, I was aware of what that poking tongue was capable of... fingers too. I exhaled and sat up, swallowing a lump in my throat.

V: [I... Jude... Wow.]

Judy: [whaaa... not good?]

Judy: [wait let me get nother 1]

V: [Too good. Perfect. Need a cold shower now. Be safe, okay?]

Judy: [shower huh. pics or didnt happen]

Of course, I obliged. If someone told me, a few months ago, that I'd be taking a semi-naked selfie before the shower just to tease back my girlfriend, I'd have laughed in their face. But here I was, trying to find that perfect angle, and failing a bit. But judging by Judy's drooling emoji as a first response, I succeeded.

Judy: [damn calabacita you fine]

Judy: [im so horny rn. i think i gotta go home like stat]

V: [Thanks, cuteness. I know the feeling... Get home safe, k?]

Judy: [Pinkie promise yes maam. calling ur delamain]

I took a cold shower, the still Judy had sent me kept me warm throughout it. Sleep found me, somewhere between a budding headache, and a soft sigh that I let out, realizing just how much I missed having Judy in my arms. I'd grown so used to her company already, that falling asleep alone didn't feel right anymore.

The next day was... what I can only explain as fucking wild. Panam had a plan, and a good one, at that. We only needed to get into a power plant, crank everything up to eleven, plant a special charge, delta the fuck out of there, and then detonate the thing once the Kang Tao AV was passing above the plant, forcing it to land.

And it worked. Almost. Thankfully, Panam had a back up plan in her car. A fucking missile launcher. It was like a bonus episode of Watson Whore after the alleged season finale, I swear. We would have probably celebrated, but everything went to shit pretty quickly. Comms went down, and we heard Panam's friends over the radio... but the EMP blocked us from replying. It was a shit show. Kang Tao made short work of many, but at least Mitch, the guy I met back at the Aldecaldos camp, was still alive. His buddy, Scorpion, wasn't so lucky.

Panam and I went on a wild goose chase after Hellman and the remaining Kang Tao to finally find him inside some gas station along the way. The Aldecaldos showed up to make sure the site was clear, Mitch gathered them. When I came out, carrying Hellman to one of the bikes, the sheer number of people outside felt a bit intimidating. Before I could have a chat with him, I had the opportunity to meet Saul, the leader of Panam's group. These two really had a communication problem. That's what usually happened when you had two people, both of them stubborn and with strong ideas about their principles, have different ideas on what direction to take about life. Especially when it came to a whole pack. He schooled Panam about how every Aldecaldo was responsible for their safety, and the safety for the family members, regardless of circumstances. Asshole wasn't there, but felt it was okay to play the preacher. He seemed aloof to me, then again, Panam was a handful, maybe this was just how he had to deal with her, all things considered.

Then it turned out Saul actually wanted to make sure Panam was alright. She must have felt stupid, realizing her outburst wasn't completely warranted. Didn't seem like my place to say anything, family affairs were complicated. For the time being, Panam and I said our farewells, and I made my way to the Sunset Motel, with an unconscious Hellman in tow. I had let Takemura know, he said he'd come and have a chat with him as well. Of course, that didn't mean I couldn't have a little warm-up with him first.

One of Hellman's first questions was whether Yorinobu had sent me. I told him he didn't, and that made the scientist assume I had an offer for him. He wasn't wrong, technically. He could talk, or earn a bullet. I made my situation very clear, though I had to admit, my fingers were itching to make that smug fuck lose a few teeth. 

I frowned at how direct and forward that thought was in my head. It almost felt... I didn't want it to be my own, but the realization that it could have been Johnny's, because there was less of me in my own body than even the night before was even more terrifying. 

I gave Hellman a summary of just how fucked up my situation was after klepping the biochip from Yorinobu. At first he couldn't believe me. Then he became fascinated. Fucking nerd. I had no time nor patience for his bullshit.

It was almost funny watch him flail around when I mentioned what Vik had said. Oh, the indignation of the great mister-future-tech. It was as if a million NDAs suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced. Truly, terrible. I almost wanted to laugh in his face. Except he wasn't giving me the answer I wanted. In fact, he wasn't proving to be worth all this hassle. 

Apparently, the chip in my head was new and experimental... and built with the intention of implanting it in a new body. A dead body, to add. I was the perfect patient, thanks to fucking Dexter DeShawn. Learning about the chip recipient having to be 'neurally indifferent' by design... Irony of life and death hit me hard. Hellman's words didn't exactly comfort me. Then he said that he had left Arasaka before work on that version could be completed. My trigger finger was itching. This wasn't what I expected at all.

Hellman offered to take a look at the chip. I was wary, but I didn't really have a choice in the matter, if I wanted to move things forward. He did, doing his ooohs and aaahs about how impressive it was. It didn't mean he had any good news, though. 

My neural network had deteriorated. My brain couldn't function without the chip anymore, apparently. And then the fucker had the audacity to tell me he knew of a clinic in Sweden where I could live out my last days with minimal pain. I had no clue how I managed to not strangle him throughout that entire conversation. 

The construct was programmed to be a brain-eating parasite. I was becoming a Johnny-zombie. Of course, unloading all that on me didn't deter Hellman from asking me what it was like to share my consciousness with Johnny. A true scientist. I wonder if he was ready to die for his science, too, if he kept going on like that.

He kindly informed me that I might start doing things that I once thought unthinkable. Not that the sensation gnawing at the back of my head wasn't there, the slow awareness, in the least expected of moments. But that was all it was, I was aware of the small pulls. What he was suggesting was way scarier, though. Not knowing when I crossed over from being me to being Johnny. 

What if he just decided to... disappear? What if he hurt Judy? What if everything I was working towards was just going to suddenly take a completely different direction because of Silverhand's whim? The man himself, or rather his specter, kept pacing around the room, throwing comments and smoking his invisible cigarettes. There was a deep hole in my stomach, a sinking feeling that I really wasn't getting anywhere. I wanted to go back to Judy with some good news. Something to comfort here, to reassure her that we had time.

The scientist offered to try to help me if I got him under Kang Tao's merciful wings. Like fuck I was going to do anything like that. He was useless, and I was pretty sure of it. He offered me the blueprints of the relic. It wasn't much, it it was something. Maybe some kind of a genius out there could make something out of them and save me. Somehow.

Takemura showed up, I quietly chuckled at his attempt to play the bad cop. A bit of humor was what I really needed in that moment, even though the whole thing was looking rather grim. I left the boys to play and made my way outside, stumbling into a corner to puke. Some of it was blood. Not that surprising. A dying brain wasn't agreeing with the rest of the meatsuit. I couldn't exactly fault it for it.

The worst part of that night was still ahead of me. Going back to the city to tell Judy about what I had learned. I didn't even know how to do it, how to approach the subject... Oh hey, so I found the head scientist on the project, but he kinda didn't finish it, the version was new, I got the documentation, I'm dying, please don't leave me if I start spewing bullshit about nuking 'Saka?

I needed to think about it. I needed advice. I wanted an answer. One fucking answer. Something that would give me hope instead of digging my grave deeper... or should I say, pushing me into the incinerator while I was still breathing. I felt oddly close to death, in a morbid, inevitable manner. 

Sure, I had my reason to live, the woman I'd never want to disappoint and wanted to have in my life forever, but what good was I to her if I turned into a terrorist? Apart from stealing fire trucks for her, I doubted I would be a positive influence on Judy's life if … the thing happened. I didn't even want to name it.

After my stomach settled enough, I decided to take Scorpion's bike to the Columbarium. If people could stand there, talking to their loved ones and deal with grief, if Barry's turtle was allowed to find his eternal rest there... Fuck, I was at a point where I would welcome the wisdom of Andrew the Turtle, if he had any to give about my predicament. 

“V. I need you to do something for me,” I saw Johnny at the gate, smoking in a manner that made me think he was nervous about something. Quite unlike him. I felt anxious by proxy.

“What is it, Johnny? And am I doing it for you or for myself?” I rolled my eyes and chuckled darkly at my own stupid joke. Except the joke could soon become reality.

“There's a box further up, I'd like to see, if you've got a few moments to spare,” his tone was almost... gentle. Was that terrorist getting soft on my sorry, dying ass?

“How far up?” I asked, suspicious of his intentions.

“In the roofed part. At the end, if you go on ahead,” he explained.

“I'll go there. But I got to talk to someone first,” I sighed and got off the bike. It didn't take me a lot of time to find the spot where Jackie's ashes were placed.

“Friend of yours?” Johnny couldn't stay away for some reason. I realized, now that I had some understanding of the chip, that Jackie was Silverhand's first 'host', so to speak.

“One of yours as well. Jackie Welles,” I let out a sigh and leaned against the wall of boxes with one hand. I didn't know if it was respectful or not, and I didn't give a damn at that moment, “He was there with me, at Konpeki. We watched Saburo get zeroed by his own spawn. When we escaped an Arasaka AV trying to gun us down by jumping from the fucking penthouse and sliding down some windows... fuck, you should have seen it. It was some Bushidō shit right there... When we landed in some maintenance room, it turned out the chip's integrity was compromised. And quickly fallin'. We called Evelyn, she told us to slot it. And Jackie did, without thinking too much,” I explained, taking a deep breath as the events came back to me in a mental rewind.

“Where is this going, V?” Johnny asked, his arms crossed on his chest.

“He saved your life. He kept you in his head so you wouldn't fade away, a string of zeroes and ones, or whatever, blowing into the wind as the alloy becomes useless in the wrong temperature... He carried you through Konpeki Plaza, back to the Delamain, even that fucking 'borg tried to stop us, he didn't. Drones were chasing us, I shot'em down. And Jackie almost made it. Almost. He fucking protected you, before he gave the chip to me and left this fucking world. Least you can do is thank him,” if I were speaking, it probably would have come out as a growl. I was shaking, I wanted to cry, everything was too much.

“I'd drink to him if I could. Believe me, V. Funny. It's why I asked that favour in the first place,” he replied, looking oddly thoughtful. Or he was just doing the whole rocker-poet pose.

“He even gave his drink recipe to Claire at Afterlife, the bartender,” I smiled briefly, remembering Jackie's suggestion, “Vodka on the rocks, some ginger beer, and lime... with a splash of love. You would have liked him, yeah...” I nodded slowly. I didn't even notice when I began to cry. 

Tears were pouring down my cheek and dripping to the ground and onto my clothes. The night was cold and windy, but I only realized how bad the weather had been once I started crying and the tears made the gusts even more bone-chilling for some reason.

“Something tells me I would have, yeah. You attract two kinds of people, V. Either it's the worst scum, and then you get rid of them... or the best kind. And even if they're not good at first sight, you somehow bring out whatever is good in them. Sometimes it makes me sick, but I just prefer to think it's my charisma bleeding through.”

For a moment I looked around, then pinched myself in the cheek. Was I dying? Was I dying? Was the Columbarium some kind of representation of a tunnel with the light in my mind? Why was he being nice to me? I gave myself a moment to process his words. There was some truth to them. Maybe we were starting to get along. Or maybe now that he knew that taking over was just a question of time, he just decided to be easy on me. I hoped it was the former, and that I still had time.

“I guess... Or maybe I just meet people who bring out the good in me. Can't be just my stellar personality,” I quipped.

“We can agree it's a bit of both. I don't know about you, but back in my day, I used to wonder about it all. All the chrome. Becoming better, faster, stronger. Made me wonder how many people just became guinea pigs. Slaves, rattling their cages, waiting for the new firmware upgrade. Life for so many became only about style. Cred. Chrome. But in the end... What makes us human, V? Am I human to you? In any way?”

He was getting philosophical with me. Was he trying to distract me? Comfort me? Felt surreal, for sure, “Uhh... We talk. You tried to kill me, sometimes you help me, sometimes you're an asshole... I guess that's as human as it gets,” I shrugged in my head.

“My point exactly. I make you feel things. Not like the Mox chick, for sure, but I know I do. Good, bad, doesn't matter. The feeling matters. Giving a damn matters. Makes me more alive than I thought I'd be in someone's head,” he confessed. I guessed it was his way of saying thank you. Bastard wouldn't stoop down to using the word itself, even if his life depended on it.

“I guess that's a decent definition,” I agreed, “Jackie was good people. He gave me hope when I thought my life was over. He had dreams, he made me feel like we could actually achieve something in this city. And he paid the highest price for thinking that. Guess I came here to rant to him. Ask him what he'd do.”

“And? Any ideas?” Johnny wondered, glancing at Jackie's Columbarium box. 

“Corny as it sounds, he'd tell me not to give up. He'd keep smiling and pat me on the shoulder, assure me I'll find a way. Probably help me waste gonks in search of answers like a true choom,” I nodded slowly, “I really miss him. I wish... I wish he could enjoy his legend status for a bit longer. To see him bask in that glory, for at least a day.”

“Well. Not everything's lost, V. He can't tell you that, but I will. Don't give up. Keep fighting,” Johnny's voice reverberated in my head and I nodded.

“Alright. What's your stop?” I asked, wiping the tears from my eyes and sniffling.

“At the end, under the roof, up a few stairs,” he reminded, “And V? I hate it when you get hormonal. It makes me crave ice-cream.”

I scoffed and shook my head. I followed Johnny's directions. He almost jogged up the stairs and moved to touch one of the Columbarium rectangles. I decided to to give him some space, especially considering there was someone in a big, hooded coat standing in front of a nearby grave and I wasn't a savage. 

I used my Kiroshis to zoom in on the name. Of course. Alt Cunningham. Never Fade Away. Wow, he had to use one of the Samurai song titles for her epitaph. This guy's ego was bigger than Arasaka Corporation assets, I could swear.

“I asked you about being human... because I wanted to come here,” Johnny explained, his ganic hand tracing Alt's name slowly, “She never took my bullshit, even if she couldn't refuse my charm. Challenged me. Kept me tethered, somehow.”

I recalled his memories. I didn't really see much beyond the attack on Arasaka Tower... and the night Alt got kidnapped and Johnny assembled a team to get her back, as soon as he was back on his feet. It begged the question. Had he done it all for his principles? Or was losing the woman he truly loved the final push he needed to start planting tactical nukes in places? I never thought of it that way... But when I saw him, so... vulnerable, leaning against Alt's grave, I started piecing it together.

Johnny wasn't a gentle man by nature, far from it. He fought, he rebelled, he played with fire. But it was indeed Alt that made him reckless. His usual ways of coping were pills and booze. His way of doing so in crisis was bringing down a whole tower belonging to the company who took his tether away from him, pushing him into that state, ironically enough. She made him human.

I remained silent for a moment, letting him talk to her in his thoughts, since I didn't really think he was the praying type. He must have had some insight into my thought process, because after a few more moments he finally spoke, “So now you understand. Good, because I didn't want to say it anyway. Rarely feel like it.”

“It's okay. I get it,” I nodded slowly. There was no need for many words on the subject.

“And I hate you for it. If you tell someone, anyone, I'm going to fucking kill you, V,” it was back to serious asshole Johnny, it seemed. I wondered how it could even be possible for him to believe that no one else saw just how much Alt meant to him.

“Lips are sealed,” I made the gesture of zipping up my mouth, he nodded and replied with a gesture of his own. A V to his eyes, then to mine. Watching me, he was. All the time, actually.

“Remember what I said, V. People matter. How they make you feel matters. Now look around, you're really missing something,” he smirked and walked down the stairs, disappearing between the rows of dead people.

The figure in a dark, hooded coat turned around. Our eyes met and I blinked a few times, instantly recognizing those cute cheeks and the green and pink hair, half-tucked behind her ear. I rushed forward to hug her and close her in my arms.

“Jude! What are you doing here...?” I whispered out, rocking her in my embrace. Her make-up was running, she had been crying.

“V, you fucking gonk, stop following me,” she mumbled against my shoulder, allowing herself a few sobs before she looked up. I knew she didn't mean it, she just had a particular way of hiding the reason for her emotion behind something trivial, at times. She took my hand without a word and led me to the grave. Evelyn Parker. She died valiantly fighting the system. That was something Judy would definitely write on a Columbarium display. I exhaled softly and hugged Judy again, “I'm so sorry...”

“I didn't know when you'd be back... I was hungover, I felt miserable... I just felt so fuckin' lonely. I... then I had the weirdest thought. I know you because of Ev. Because of that fuckin' heist. If it wasn't for her, doing everything she'd done, even the things she'd done that caused her death... if it wasn't for that, we wouldn't be where we are. It's so fucked up, V...” Judy shared her train of thought with me and I let her, simply keeping her close and safe, listening to every word.

The world was cruel like that. Punching us in the gut one moment to give us a glimmer of hope and joy in the other. Johnny was right. People, feelings. It kept us human in this chromed up world, were corps tried to make souls into numbers and graphs of efficiency.

“I got you,” I said to Judy, placing a kiss on her head, “And you've got me. I'm not gonna let go,” I said with confidence. She was my tether. I had to keep fighting.

“Let's go home, V. You can tell me what you found out and all,” she pulled on my hand, leading me away from the Columbarium. I guess she wanted to just stop crying, and I was happy to help her with that. I just didn't have any comforting news.

“Well... I got the blueprints of that biochip. And that's about it,” I decided to be upfront about it.

“Does that help your case at all?” she asked, holding out a bit more hope before deciding whether she was giving her make-up another trial by tears.

“I dunno yet. Maybe if someone who gets it all takes a look at it. But I still have avenues. It's not over yet,” I sighed. Judy nodded. She probably cried enough already and was in a horrible state because of that, because it didn't phase her. Maybe I should have waited.

“As long as you're up, you can fight. Scraped knees or not,” she shrugged. Almost sounded like something she had heard from one of her grandparents at some point, a small comforting phrase to push the shittiness of life away, “You got your wheels here?”

“Got an Aldecaldos bike... Long story, that,” I cleared my throat, unsure whether I should go into details how Panam and I caused a blackout and then too many Aldecaldos died, and I got a bike for that.

“Wow, you're friends with the Nomads now, V? I mean... that's kinda cool,” Judy joked, but I could still hear the pain in her cracking voice.

I thought about what Hellman said about my brain. What Johnny said about people. How Alt was his tether. It was my fight and I was in it. And I knew who I was, despite everything. I wasn't the only one deserving of being aware of that. I pulled on Judy's hand, signaling for her to stop. She looked over her shoulder at me with a confused frown.

My expression must have been serious or deathly pale or something. I began to shake, but I knew there was no going back from this.

“V, what's wrong, why did we stop?” Judy asked, looking at me with a squint. We were just outside the gates to the Columbarium.

I wrapped my arms around her and looked into her eyes. The streetlights gave off a dim glow, the cars on the street moved past, every person, every soul out there busy with their own little cosmos of worries, hopes, and dreams.

“V, why are we standing here? You're being a bit weird...” Judy sounded a bit uncertain, so instead of shaking and biting on my lip, I finally spoke.

“It's Valerie,” I said, then shot her a brief smile. I may have as well told her I loved her.

Judy inhaled sharply, her eyes widened, I could see them glaze over with emotion. She hugged me tightly and whimpered, stopping herself from sobbing again. Her voice broke and instead of speaking, she wrapped her hands around the back of my neck and kissed me. No one's ever kissed me like that before. It was as if she tried to put everything that was unspoken between us into it. My guess was... it was her way of replying to my little confession.


	10. And my heart caught fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V and Judy enjoy one of their days off. They keep learning about what the other needs. This chapter is NSFW! (Sexual content)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Work really is kicking my ass and sadly updates have slowed down, but I am still here! In the meantime, I've also started a less serious AU fic, something to write when I don't have the spoons to create anything meaningful for Snapshots, but I still want to write, and in a more light-hearted tone. Feel free to check it out here (People from Lizzie's Bar discord telling me to advertise it can't be wrong!):
> 
> [saVage – greendot's new crackfic!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009490/chapters/71198937)
> 
> As for Snapshots – I realised that I'm getting very close to the point of where I want to set it up for my post-ending fic, so I might keep Snapshots for shorter, cutesy ideas, while the bigger narrative is kept separated. Please check my profile for more works if you don't see an update on Snapshots!

**And my heart caught fire**

Even though I was dying, I've never felt more alive than I did thanks to Judy. Wouldn't exactly call myself religious, but even with all the curses Night City threw my way, I still felt blessed. Makes me sound like I'm a gonk, I know.

Whenever I looked at her, sleeping next to me, I forgot about death for those few sweet moments. I wanted to reach out and tuck her unruly, neon hair behind her ear, but I was too scared I might wake her up. At least one of us could get some rest, and I didn't want to interrupt that. I didn't want her to stir from her sleep and see the sorry state I was in. I held in as many coughs as I could and used my pillow to muffle the rest. Blood again. Not a good sign.

“You know, those sleepovers would be really cute, if it weren't for me having to play the fuckin' chaperon every god damn time,” and here he was again, sitting with his back to the edge of the bed.

“No one's asked you to do that, y'know,” I quipped, “It's not like we need one.”

“Don't have to tell me that, V. Just wish there was some popcorn in that frying head of yours.”

“Way to be a creep, Johnny.”

“Maybe if you actually started working on a solution that can get us both out of this mess...”

“Things aren't in place just yet. We can't go storming Arasaka with any hope of getting to Mikoshi without some proper preparation,” I sighed and shifted to lie on my back, as quietly and gingerly as I could. Looking at Judy while talking to him in my thoughts just didn't feel right.

“I know, it's not like you don't keep me updated on an hourly basis like I'm some corpo boss of yours,” he scoffed, glancing over his shoulder. After a moment of silence hanging between us, he looked ahead again and lowered his voice, “Guess I just didn't expect that.”

“Expect what, exactly?” I asked, feeling my jaw clench. I was already preparing for him to get all self-righteous. Something, something corpos, something something hate this city. Somehow, he'd weave himself into it even further. I was running out of patience. This really wasn't the time for shit like that.

“A merc with your thirst for blood and glory? With your kill count? To have cozy, cutesy times with a slightly clingy output... I didn't expect that,” he was mocking me, and I could feel it in his every word. But was he really? I closed my eyes and exhaled through my nose. 

He was still waiting for me to say something, I could see his fingers twitch, as if he were aching for a cigarette. Was that impatience my own, or did I catch him somewhere he'd never allow himself to be seen? Suddenly, it made sense. 

“I get it. We'll get to Alt soon,” I simply said, and no reply came from him. I glanced to my left, and there was no rockerboy by the side of my bed. The man wouldn't back down from facing Adam Smasher with his bare hands, but my occasional empathy scared the shit out of him. I was glad it still worked.

I felt Judy's hand wrap around my waist, so I glanced to my right to see her, barely awake, propped on one arm and giving me one of those half-smiles. I could feel the tension of having to deal with Johnny leave me, as a definitely more positive sensation took its place. And maybe melted my heart. Just a little. In a good way. 

I hesitated for a moment. Should probably say something, greet her, anything. Instead I just looked into her eyes and saw her glance down at my lips. That was an idea better than words, for sure. We kissed and my hand found its way to her hip. She rested her forehead against mine when we parted for a moment, “Morning,” she smiled and chuckled, “Saw you all frowning and knew I couldn't let you stay that way. Rough night?” I could feel her hand slowly caress my arm and side, it was almost like a natural painkiller.

“I'm alright,” I replied out of reflex, even though we both knew I wasn't fucking alright. She gave me one of her stares, you know, the one where she knows I was trying to bullshit her, “I just couldn't sleep,” I admitted and shrugged, then leaned in to hide my face in the crook of her neck. 

My answer must have been enough because she sighed and hugged me close, “You'll be fine. We'll be fine. Whatever crazy plan you're trying to cook up, as long as it does get us out of this city, we'll be fine,” she tried her best to sound reassuring, but it felt like it wasn't just me she was trying to comfort. 

Every time we were at that point, I felt like a complete asshat, leading her on. Especially after what happened to Evelyn, me heading into an early grave just felt like I was playing a cruel joke on Judy. And yet, for some reason, we couldn't stay away from each other. I didn't want to think about death, I didn't want Judy to think about it either.

“We will be. But we can't talk about it here. My enemies will hear us and the whole plan will go to shit,” I said, full deadpan, looking up from my hideout in the crook of her neck.

She raised her brows and gave me a look of mild confusion, “You got bonked in the head again, mi calabacita?”

“Nope, I was gonna say we grab a shower,” I grinned and reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear, “Water running and all,” I added with a shrug, rolling onto my back again. I was about to get out of bed when I felt Judy climb over me. 'Cept she didn't go further, just straddled me. Whenever we were in that position, with her legs on either sides of mine and her backside resting on my thighs... It was an instant turn on for me, and I was not even going to make any attempts at denying that.

My dumb expression must have amused her enough to make her grin. Her skin felt so soft under my hands, I idly moved my thumb across the tattoo of a stocking on her leg. It was a really good tattoo...

“Oh, no, no no, Judy to V. Come in, don't go floating away somewhere, stay with me here,” she put her hand on my cheek, causing me to look up at her, tearing me away from my thoughts. Thoughts that sometimes no longer felt like they were mine. 

But whenever I looked at her, and I saw that concern in her beautiful hazel eyes, I knew who I was, and where I was. I knew what I had to do to stay that way. Or at least try my damn best. She was my tether.

I sat up, placing my hands on the twin seahorse tattoos on her lower back, just above the hem of her blue and purple shorts.

“I'm here, Jude,” I whispered, feeling my heartbeat pick up under her intense gaze. Her hands moved from my shoulders to my cheeks. They were burning, I knew I was blushing like some teenager, but that didn't matter to me. She made me feel comfortable, just by being there. I had no secrets from her. Not any more. 

When I saw Judy lean in closer, I closed my eyes, so I could savour the touch of her lips on mine again. If there was some kind of a god out there somewhere, at some point, they did a great job bringing my girl into this world. Her kisses were soft and affectionate. 

Patient, but only for the time being, since neither of us really wanted to break the contact. I felt her reach for the clasp of my bra as she captured my bottom lip and gave it a playful, suckling nibble. Oh, I knew what that meant. The shower could wait.

For now, the most pressing matter I had to attend to was keeping my hands on Judy's skin, tracing every line of every tattoo with my fingers at first, then with my lips, finally with my tongue.

Everything about her was like a dream, even the taste of sleep that lingered on her skin after a night of both of us being extremely cuddly with each other. If anyone had a chance to observe us, let's say, from a shrink's point of view, they'd say we were pretty crazy about each other. Almost to the point where I was her drug and she was mine.

I was her escape from the harsh, cruel reality of Night City. From the failure to protect, from the fear of losing someone again, the despair of being on your own again, because you weren't enough or because you didn't do enough. With me, she could forget about all that, and when we gave into lust, none of those fears mattered. With me, she didn't have to be afraid. Quite the contrary, she knew exactly what could happen, and at times made the important decisions on how it was going to go. Knowing and feeling that she felt comfortable enough with me to exert that kind of control filled me with a special kind of pride. The one that no one could possibly call a bad thing.

She was my ultimate painkiller. Dorph, Black Lace, they had nothing, absolutely nothing on the way Judy managed to make my head feel clear and light. It was as if that fuckin' brain-eating chip in my head was put on hold whenever we were close, especially intimately so. The first few times we made love I had a sense of dread in the back of my head. What if I suddenly had a nosebleed in the middle of a kiss, or something equally disgusting, like coughing up blood because of a Relic malfunction...? Somehow, Judy Alvarez had the superpower of making me feel like I was not just the luckiest woman alive, but also a relatively healthy one.

Of course, we didn't need any of the aforementioned excuses to start a good, sweaty tumble, but to say we were simply sating a basic need would be insulting. We were learning each other, too. Sometimes in the most surprising of ways.

The way Judy bit on my lip that morning was a hint in itself. She kept straddling me until we were both topless, then put her hands on my shoulders to push me down onto the bed. I didn't resist. She removed my panties and her shorts, then straddled me again, grabbing my hands at the wrists to put them above my head before she lowered herself onto me again, our bodies sliding against each other as our mouths and tongues clashed, showing just how much in tune we were at that moment. She wanted me and she wasn't going to wait. And I was completely hers, ready and eager for anything she had in mind.

“Fuck, V,” she moved away for a moment, licking her lips to break a chain of saliva that still kept our mouths connected in a messy kind of way. The way her voice sounded in that moment was enough to assure me I was going to need a change of sheets after this, and my fault in that just became more considerable.

I looked into Judy's eyes, we were both drunk with lust at that moment. I raised my brows, choosing to remain silent, giving her the space to act if she wanted to take it. And she did. With my wrists still pinned, she kissed me again, biting on my lip, to then lick and suckle on it for a moment. She then moved with her kisses to my neck, eliciting ragged breaths, along with throaty moans. I could feel her lips on one spot for a longer moment. That'd leave a mark, for sure. And yet I couldn't help but smirk. 

Many would see such practices as juvenile, but I knew she wanted to let the world know I was hers, and I was glad to show it to everyone. Besides, sometimes the gangoons I was facing were so thrown off by a mere hickey, wondering whether it was a tattoo or a new cyberware port that was healing that their expressions alone were worth it. I know for sure that even Wakako stared at it once. And she wanted to ask, oh she wanted to ask so bad, but instead she sipped her tea and judged me for having a sex life.

Back in reality, Judy pulled my hands down a bit so she could lower herself to my breasts and torture me further. It was the most delightful torture, at that, but the arousal I was building up... I could only hope that she was going to do something about that, eventually. I didn't mind a bit of teasing at all, not when I could glance down at her and see her hazel eyes almost darkened with need, while she had me exactly where and how she wanted.

I could tell she was deeply enjoying my vulnerable expression, drinking in every moan, every little whimper that came from my throat, as well as my helpless expression with my lips slightly parted and my brows raised in an almost pleading manner.

Judy re-positioned herself slightly, straddling one of my legs, I moved to bend it so she had something to grind on. Selfishly speaking, I wanted to feel just how wet she was, but knowing she could just grind against my thigh made me feel even hotter in the entire situation.

It turned out this was exactly what she wanted, and it was my turn to hear and delight myself in the way Judy expressed her pleasure through sound. Fuck, I loved for the way her voice cracked mid-moan and her eyelids fluttered at the particularly stimulating touches.

For a few tantalizing moments, I watched Judy move against my thigh, but I could tell this wasn't enough for her. She wanted more. I licked my lips, keeping eye contact with my woman for as much as it was possible for us in this haze of need.

She let go of my hands only for a moment to put her knees against my upper arms in a way that disallowed me to move up. I sank into the mattress with sheer delight. So that was on her mind... My forearms were still free to roam. Or, well, I could wrap them around her thighs as she moved her wetness closer and closer until she was comfortably settled above me, looking down into my eyes from above, her chest moving quickly.

I pulled her against my lips and my tongue poked out as far as it physically could to taste her keep at it, lapping up all she had for me like a good kitten. Maybe it was the tattoo below her abdomen that served as a subliminal instruction... or more likely I just absolutely fucking loved the way Judy tasted on my tongue.

She grabbed my head and pulled it closer, moving her hips, building up a rhythm. It became more impatient as time passed, with the of us too busy giving into basic instincts to notice or care. I wanted to close my eyes and focus on pleasuring her, but I couldn't just deprive myself of the sight of her, slowly but surely losing it. She arched her back and reached up with one hand to touch her breast. Her moans were telling me a lot, I knew she was close, so I kept to the tempo we both found and didn't change anything about the way my tongue was lashing against her.

“Val, I...” she breathed out before a jolt ran through her form and she let out a few sweet, throaty moans, then half-collapsed against the wall, panting, whimpering. She was so beautiful, even in her vulnerability. There was just something ethereal about her in the afterglow. She moved to the side and crawled away from me, too sensitive to risk having the source of her arousal anywhere near me.

She snuggled up to me, still panting. I wrapped my arms around her and kept lazily licking my lips, cleaning my messy face as far as I could reach.

“Fuck, I needed that...” she breathed out.

“Me too...” I replied quietly, nuzzling into her colorful hair. We were going to shower anyway, “You're so hot when you do that, you know?”

“Only cuz I know what you're gonna do to me if I start,” she grinned, then nipped playfully at the side of my breast.

“Glad we understand each other,” I couldn't help but chuckle at our exchange. Two gonks, post-coitus. A study in hormones.

“Don't think you're getting out of bed without me getting my share of this V,” Judy laughed at her own joke, I just covered my face with both palms and decided to attribute that masterpiece to her state of afterglow. She wasn't thinking clearly, that much was obvious.

“Groaners aren't just your thing, face it and live with it. Never shoulda told me that one at the cabin,” Judy grinned, proud at my reaction to her awful pun.

“No regrets,” I shook my head. And it was true, I had none. Not even one, never. I lived for this woman, and being with her like this... seeing her cheeks puffed up in that lovely smile, her hair all tussled and matted from our tumble, feeling her hand sneak from my abdomen and further down... How could I not be happy in that moment?

The din of Night City was much louder when we -actually- got out of bed and -finally- had that shower. We were refreshed and dressed, incredibly hungry after burning so many calories, and heading to the garage. We got into my Avenger and Judy eyed me up and down, smirking.

“You sure that brunch and beer with your new nomad friend is a good idea, V?” Judy wondered. Her eyes lingered on my neck.

“I'm too hungry to care... Besides, if she asks, I'm just going to tell her to ask you about it,” I shrugged, awake and out of bed enough to be my smug self, “It's not like she doesn't know...I told her about you.”

“Knowing and seeing for yourself are two different things, mi calabacita,” Judy reminded me, shooting me one of those disarming smiles.

“Definitely, mi pimientita,” I quipped. Judy blinked at me, then laughed, shaking her head.

“What the fuck, Val? Have you been... learning?” Judy asked, and I could see a bit of a lovely blush on her cheeks, “And seriously out of all things, that?”

“I mean... my passive translator malfunctioned so I had to look it up... and you can't make calabacitas without some spicy pepper... and then there's your family temperament...” I enumerated my reasons for the choice of word, Judy just kept giggling.

“Alright, alright.. missed one thing. If I'm so spicy, how come you didn't tear up earlier?” Jeez, she was such a flirt, I was the one driving and there she was, reminding me.

“Prolly because that's -just- the way I like it...” I hoped Panam had the energy and mental endurance to not want to die if we were going to act that way. Then again, if that Aldecaldo wanted to stay chooms, well, I wasn't going to pretend I was any less crazy about Judy just to make her comfortable. I wasn't going to hide my life away, what I had left was too precious.


	11. Love is not about learning to fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V discovers a new skill... A rare advantage of the entire situation with the biochip. She decides to use it to express herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an interesting creative challenge for me. I might set Snapshots as 'complete' for the time being, and perhaps add more later, but the next updates you should expect are more chapters of saVage, and hopefully a start on my ending fix/post-ending piece. Thanks for staying tuned!

Author's note: This chapter was an interesting creative challenge for me. I might set Snapshots as 'complete' for the time being, and perhaps add more later, but the next updates you should expect are more chapters of saVage, and hopefully a start on my ending fix/post-ending piece. Thanks for staying tuned!  
Love is not about learning to fly

There weren't many advantages to having Johnny Silverhand in my head. For one, he seemed to be very intent on overwriting my brain, and taking over my body, eventually. To say I wasn't very keen on that would be an understatement. He also had the tendency to show up with a strong desire to have a long-winded conversation about life, universe, and everything else in moments, when I felt like my brain was going to gush through my ears. Well, whatever was left of it anyway. 

After the brief chat I had with one of the architects of the biochip, Anders Hellman, I began to feel a lot more self-conscious about how I acted, what I was saying, and how I handled the day to day matters. He said I really wouldn't even feel that moment. That dreaded step between one consciousness to another. Between being... me and being Johnny Silverhand.

What was even worse, the more I tried to ask myself what being 'me' had actually meant, the more Hellman's words crept under my skin and made me angry at having trouble discerning it.

If I were to find one good thing that came out of Johnny living in my head and inevitably lending me his radiant personality was the fact, that I began to notice... music a bit more.

At first it was subtle. I began better at remembering melodies, at recreating them in hums or other kinds of sounds, like a pretend twang of a guitar when listening to Morro Rock, or tapping my fingers against the steering wheel to the intricate drum patters from Vexelstrom.

“Someone's in a good mood,” Judy pointed out to me at one point, when I was entertaining myself to some beep-bops and bow-wows while making us food for the evening. I shot her a smile and stirred the contents of the skillet. Mac'n'cheese with All Foods syn-bacon. Some serious gourmet stuff, right there, but I made it for my little hot pepper and I was proud of it.

“Always, when you're around,” I smirked and pre-emptively crouched, expecting one of the cushions from the couch to fly my way. Judy shook her head and moved from the sofa to approach me and hug me from behind, resting the side of her head against my shoulder. I loved it when she did that. It always made me feel like I belonged... like I was wanted and needed. I smiled to myself like a gonk.

“You know, I used to think that's pretty cringe-worthy and barfy when people said such things,” Judy admitted, “Now I kinda get it...” her roundabout way of telling me how much she cared was something I deeply admired and couldn't get enough of. She always managed to make it sound like the two of us being sappy and cute together was the most uncool thing ever, but underneath the surface of it all, in the dark depths of Judy's emotional element, I knew exactly what she meant by these remarks.

I could feel it, and now that she was pressed against my back and my heart picked up its beat considerably, just from that moment of closeness, she could feel it too, because I could almost hear her smile when she spoke.

“Didn't startle you now, did I?” her voice shifted into her teasing, purr-like tone.

“Wouldn't be the world to use, nah,” I quipped and stirred the skilled, “Can't help getting excited when you're close, I'm an animal, I know,” I shrugged mildly and she scoffed, laughing against my back.

“You know, I think it'd be an insult to animals to include you among them...”

“Yeah, okay, that's not what you said last night,” I reminded her and set the skillet down before turning the stove of. Food was ready, but it seemed we had something to settle. I turned around and wrapped my arms around Judy and leaned in to kiss her, nibbling on her bottom lip for a moment, “Ring a bell?”

“I think you might have to remind me about that later... but now let's eat. I'm pretty starved and grumbly tummy sounds aren't sexy at all,” she got two plates for us and I put a portion of kibble in each. We were at her place that night, “So, tell me about that music thing?”

“Yeah... it's kind of like it's been louder in my ears recently. I can hear more of it, feel more of it,” I tried to explain, “Rhythm makes more sense, melodies are easier to remember, I've become more conscious of it. Gets annoying when I hear some of the stuff they play on Night City FM, you know the contrived, overproduced, artificial...”

“Hang on, hol'up. Is my Val-pal still there, or is Johnny boy in the picture?” Judy looked up at me with a squint as we sat down on her sofa to eat, no table needed. She stretched out her legs and put them in my lap, as was our growing habit.

“Yes it's me... It's me. But that was going to be my next point. I think it might be because of him. Not a bad thing, for once, I could never really sing or get into these things, so if he's giving me a free upgrade in that department,” I shrugged. Maybe it was stupid, but I tried to find good things in the entire situation. I had to.

“Not so sure about it, V. I don't want to lose you. It's you I want to be with. Mostly you, anyway. I know damage's done already, but you know what I mean,” Judy sighed and picked at her meal.

“I know. And there's still hope. Soon, okay?” I smiled and nodded. I was probably putting on my best puppy eyes and looking like a doofus, pleading her to believe me on just my word, while I didn't really have much idea about what I was doing.

“If soon, then okay... if not soon...” Judy replied, shaking her head, “I don't want to think about not soon, V,” she admitted.

“Me neither. But for now, think for a moment about this glorious mac'n'cheese and tell me how you like it,” I segued into another subject.

“Best. Kibble. Ever,” Judy proclaimed, her mouth full of pasta drenched in sauce.

The rest of the night was calm. We washed up, went to bed, spent some time pondering the question whether I truly am an animal or not, before Jude's breathlessness decidedly proved me right in the matter.

I decided to take action the next day, seeing as the matters of the chip were at a momentary standstill. There was this record shop in Heywood, called Time Machine. They usually blasted old Samurai records to be heard from a block away; they also carried guitars. Jackie and I used to sometimes walk by there, two bites into our hot-dogs, and pretend to play air guitar, really badly. Usually, the result was either laughing our asses off, or hot sauce of our clothes from waving our arms too hard. 

Damnit, I missed that choom.

The woman in the store was friendly, had a bit of that cool, laid-back vibe reserved for people who just came in to get music. Once she got wind of someone knowing what they were talking about, she got serious. And I was itching for a guitar that was going to help me express myself. It was weird. Johnny decided to tag along.  
“Ugh, look at these things. Cardboard and rat guts pretending to be an instrument. Okay if you're a complete amateur, but someone of your caliber shouldn't be letting music come out of that thing. I won't allow it, and that means you wont play it,” he warned me, nonchalantly lighting up a cigarette inside the store.

I moved my hand to my forehead and rubbed my temple at his words.

“Okay, dad. I could at least strum them and try?” I glanced at him, unsure whether this whole thing really was a good idea.

“Trust me. Ask for the good stock. Tell them you're pro. You can afford it, so I don't see what the problem is,” he crossed his arms on his chest, “And an amp. Get an amp, too. Unless you got a sound system you carry 'round. Apart from the one that keeps you whining all the time,” Johnny was way too proud of his shitty joke. I shook my head and walked up to the counter. Wasn't long before I got access to the back room. There were two guitars straight ahead, and they immediately got my attention.

The vendor mentioned some Chromatix Guitars and Hendersons... but I felt almost fixated on the beauties in front of me.

“No fuckin' way...” Johnny followed me into the back room and sat on one of the amps, thumbing up at the guitars, “You seein' this? Either they're fake... or they're good. Really good.”

The label said Deluze Orphean. Poetic. Reminded me of a story I read, from really ancient times, when people used to still believe in gods and monsters, not like these days, where we've only got corpos and gangoons.

Orpheus was a poet, apparently the best of them, the son of a Poet God, or something like that. He could really affect people and animals with his playing. Calm storms, make predators act like bunnies.

His biggest gig was going down to the underworld to get his wife back after she died in a freak accident because of a creep. She was running from some shepherd gonk and a viper bit her. That was it, gone. And Orpheus couldn't keep going without her, so he went to the land of the dead and played for the bosses there to get her back. 

The only condition was... he could never look back while another god led his girl back to the light. He failed, and lost her forever. All that art and the guy couldn't wait. Could I ever wait if I had to not look at Judy while getting her out of the underworld? Because I sure as hell would go down there and back and even into all possible hells to get her back. For a moment I wondered, if I'd have to go through such a trip to get myself back. I hesitated as the uncomfortable realization washed over me. Maybe I had already looked over my shoulder and saw Johnny instead?

Thinking about guitars was definitely easier than pondering myths and how they always ended up being so fucking relatable.

I decided to try the Deluze Orphean after all. It seemed fitting in some way. Johnny gave me a few pointers, I spent a moment tuning it, finding that my ears seemed much better adapted to the subtle differences between the tones. Brains were scary like that, and I didn't need to be a nerd like Hellman to start realizing it in the most horrifying way.

I picked the strings a few times, getting used to the way they sounded. Of course, I couldn't help but crank up the amp loud and just strum the open strings to revel in the distorted sound of the Orphean. Already I could picture myself bargaining with Hades himself... I wasn't sure if that was necessarily a good image to have.

“Alright, rock star, let me teach you something. It's real simple, and this tone is perfect for this kinda thing. It's an old tune, no one will know it around here. It's a few chords you can do over and over again until you get tired. Like a kid with a piece of paper with 'turn me around' on both sides,” Johnny trying to be a teacher was never going to be a scenario I thought I'd find myself in... and it definitely wasn't his calling, but at least he was offering it without trying to get into my body.

The song was called 'Smoke on the Water', and after a few clumsy attempts to replicate the chords with Johnny's help, I finally started to get a feel for it. It was my first time ever holding a guitar, let alone playing it. Johnny told me not to worry about the stinging sensation on my fingers, callouses would come in time. The trick was to keep going, practicing. I could tell he was really excited about this idea. The more I tried out the guitar, the more I understood just how much emotion one could set free through that instrument.

I bought the Deluze Orphean along with an amplifier, put both in my car. I had an idea, and now I needed two more elements to make the plan come together. 

First I had to secure the pier in Pacifica, the one quite close to the edge of the district, which meant it wasn't entirely overrun with Scavs or VDBs. I remembered taking care of a cyberpsycho for Regina the other day, and it seemed like there still weren't that many people around. Didn't surprise me. Folk were just being cautious. I parked as close to the beach as I could and made my way to the shore to just... sit down and think.

For the first time in... a couple of weeks at least, I had something other to think about than death, decay, and being on a timer. Of course, there was Judy, and what we had was like a promise of salvation from all this bullshit... But if I were to be completely honest, Judy took a whole separate part of my thinking and feeling, and I never let the bad thoughts near her. She was just too much of a treasure.

But my regular, morbid thoughts, ones of a dying merc, were fortunately quiet that day. Something else surfaced, stubborn, intent on getting something done. I wanted to create. The guitar didn't lose the tuning on the way, so I could sit down on one of the bigger rocks under the pier and gaze out into the ocean while I plucked away, mouthing words that I could put together with music.

I felt like a dork at first, but a dork who knew that whatever rhymes hid inside my head, they wanted to get out and be heard. I even had a very special member of the audience in mind, but without something to perform, it wouldn't be a good idea to summon her just yet.

At first it seemed that hours went by and I didn't have a single line that made sense. Either it didn't rhyme, or the rhythm was off, or it was just gibberish. My first idea was something about Atlantis.

We ruled the world  
Never fearing the gods  
The price of vanity  
Was losing it all

I realized that it sounded like some kind of bullshit Samurai knock-off song. It was too Silverhand. Not V enough. I wasn't going to be a lyricist overnight, the whole Orpheus thing was wishful thinking. A guitar doesn't make an artist. It's what you do with it that might. Here it was, Silverhand school of song-writing. 

As it turned out, all I had to do was look around, notice what was going on... and then look inside myself. Let my thoughts and feelings about things, people and places come up just a little bit. Enough to touch the words that kept running through my head. Then somehow they had to find their way to my fingers moving along the fretboard of the guitar, creating cords filler riffs to add another level of depth the words. Accompany them... with music. 

There was something exhilarating about it. I was making music. I was creating art. And I had the construct inside my head to thank for it. I was very eager to share my work. Way too eager, considering this was my first song ever and it was far from perfect... but I didn't care. It came from the heart.

Evening was beginning to fall on Pacifica so I called Judy and sent her my coords after I set up my amp and guitar on the pier, reserving a bench for us, a bit away from any stray walkers that could disturb the little concert I was about to give.

When I saw Judy approach, I stood up, axe on my arm, like some kind of a fucking gonk barbarian grinning at her bride to be. I was taking this art thing way too far... I wondered if there was a way to tune it down a bit. Then again, it was a facet of myself I was only beginning to discover... Perhaps I could let it run free for a bit before trying to throttle it.

“Okay, what's this about?” Judy was smiling, but I could see her confusion.

“Payback. For that one time you told me we were going diving but I got no deets,” I quipped and gestured for her to take a seat.

“Oh -that- time. When you didn't know whether it was a date so I flirted really hard with you and we were still kind of stupid before we finally kissed?” Judy asked, leaning back against the bench, propping her face in her palm with careful interest.

“That very day, yeah. One of my favorites, ya know,” I grinned sheepishly, she nodded at me in understanding. We were incorrigible.

“Alright... whatcha got for me?”

“Get comfy... it's uh... my own composition. Called it, ahem, Water's Deep,” I was definitely experiencing some form of stage fright. I was going to perform my first ever song on the guitar I had for a day (Johnny was helping, but he was still Johnny) to my girlfriend. No biggie. No pressure at all. I played the chords I had as a form of the intro, then inhaled and began to sing, keeping the jam to a groovy rhythm.

  


_Where the sunset hits the coast  
You'll find a city I hate the most  
It's a place of everyone's secret dreams  
Ya got a death wish it's pretty preem_

_Chaos and murder, no rule of law  
The bosses in office are above all  
Gangoons and corpos, you get the gist  
Get ready to meet the gorilla fist_

_One step out of line, a shot  
Enough to show a fixer who's hot  
For glory's sweet blaze, I'd do a lot  
The time is now for another thought._

_Love is not high in the sky  
Love is not about learning to fly  
The only love I want, the only one I will keep  
Is one I found with you, in the water's deep, oh yeah!_

_One beautiful day, we'll leave it behind  
Just you and me baby, we're gonna be fine  
We've got no time for this gonk-ass town  
We'll be far ahead when it all comes down_

_Love is not high in the sky  
Love is not about learning to fly  
The only love I want, the only one I will keep  
Is one I found with you, in the water's deep_

  


My cheeks were burning, my heart was beating like a drum, pounding wildly in my chest, as if the main instinct was to run and hide. The last chord rang out and silence fell on the pier. I set my guitar against the amp after turning it off to minimize feedback and looked up at Judy, ready for her judgment.

Her smile was heavenly. Her hazel eyes were glazed over with emotion, she shook her head and moved closer to me, straddling me as she leaned in to kiss me, bystanders be damned. I responded immediately, letting our lips brush together for as long we both could without making things kinda distasteful for the public.

“Wow... so... I guess you liked it?” I asked, nibbling on my bottom lip. Stage fright still wasn't gone, now I was just outright anxious.

“Loved it, mi calabacita,” she replied, brushing through my hair with gentle strokes, “In fact... I loved it so much that I've just recorded your first concert. It's going to my special BD collection,” she grinned at me.

“It was kinda cheesy, I know...” I sighed and shrugged, moving my hands to her hips. Having her in my lap always made me feel better about life. There was something... confidence-building about it.

Judy shrugged, “Maybe it was. But I don't care. It was yours. And you kinda made it ours. And now I'll have it with me, forever.”

“Forever,” I repeated and nodded. Her optimism was strangely contagious.

“Doesn't mean you can die. This is just a back up, we clear?” she warned, raising one finger at me in a clear warning.

“Claro,” I nodded and leaned in to give that intimidating finger a kiss.

Judy smiled cuddled up to me, closing her eyes for a moment, “So... now you're gonna play it again?”


End file.
